I Feel it All
by joiedevivre08
Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar with Chuck. Blair doesn’t runaway she stays and decides to disappear after becoming depressed. Who will bring her out of it? Blair/Chuck
1. Lost Myself Again

Chapter One of **I Feel it All**

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13 for now I might change it later.

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar with Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl…I wish I did because Chuck and Blair would totally be together right now.

"Ouch I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe"

Breathe Me, Sia

"_Let me be more succinct. You held a certain fascination... when you were beautiful, delicate, and untouched. Now... now you're like the Arabian my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore, and I can't see why anyone else would."_

The words burned in to her head. Blair was alone in her room; she had no one to turn to for comfort. '_Not that I deserved comfor't_, she thought sadly. In one day she had ruined her relationship with her best friend, her minions thought they were too good for her, her quasi boyfriend was disgusted with her, and the one person who truly mattered compared her to his father's smelly horse.

"_You held a certain fascination…when you were beautiful"_

Blair stared at herself in the mirror reciting the line over and over to herself. She ran her hands over her stomach, hating her body. Her eyes were filled with tears, she hated herself for what she was about to do. It was her only way of finding comfort of keeping some form of control. Blair had to have control over something in her life. Blair finally broke contact with the mirror as she headed to her bathroom.

'_I just need to lose a few more pounds. Then I will be beautiful again. Just a few pounds and I can get everything back.'_ She thought sadly.

When she finished she sat disheartened on the cold tile of her bathroom. If only she could forget today, if only she wouldn't have gone back to Nate everything would be fine. But, Chuck had ruined everything at her Cotillion. So he had butterflies, but Chuck had never had a girlfriend. Blair was too scared to go to Chuck, and Nate finally wanted her back. She and Nate had so much history how could she turn down who seemed to want her so much, especially when she had no idea what Chuck wanted. Well, now she had neither.

"_I don't want you anymore, and I can't see why anyone else would" _

Blair tears were flowing freely, mascara streaking her cheeks, but locked in her bathroom, Blair could finally give into her emotions. Chuck's words burned her, everyone of her greatest insecurities had just been confirmed. Blair had always feared being alone, not being good enough to keep the ones she loved around. It was so easy for Serena she always shined, but not for Blair. Blair's every insecurity was always in the back of her mind. Blair believed she had to acknowledge her faults, in order to figure out a way to keep them hidden so she wouldn't lose the ones she loved. Lose them because she wasn't the beauty of the group, nor the charismatic one of the group. But, today Blair had failed.

"No one will ever want me again" Blair tearfully said aloud making herself accept the truth.

Xoxo.

Over at the Palace bar Chuck was still sitting alone drinking Scotch. He too was replaying his cruel words over and over in his head. A long legged blonde looked over at Chuck and smiled seductively. His only reply was to turn on the bar stool to the other direction.

"Hi. You looked lonely here by yourself. Why don't I by you a drink" the blond smiled trying to get Chuck's attention.

"Look. I have had enough women throwing themselves at me tonight. Move on, I am not interested." Chuck said barely giving her the time of day. He looked up to see her smile replaced with a frown as she walked away.

'_What am I doing? When have I ever turned down hot desperate women'?_ Chuck thought bitterly as he swirled his glass of Scotch.

'_Bitch ruined me. I don't care how broken she was, she broke me first'._ But no matter how many times Chuck tried to reassure himself of his actions, he couldn't stop feeling guilty seeing her face in his mind. The hurt in her eyes, because of him. Chuck knew exactly how to get to people, how to hurt them the most. Chuck knew of Blair's most sensitive issues. She was so beautiful, but she never saw herself that way. It had only taken a few words to reaffirm her worst fears.

'_So I am not Prince Charming, but why am I her second best? I am Chuck Bass. I will not act this way over Blair Waldorf'. _With that last thought Chuck slammed down his Scotch and searched the bar for the leggy blond.

'_Maybe this night isn't completely ruined'_. Chuck smirked at the blond who was sitting alone at the other side of the bar.

"Allow me to apologize by buying the beautiful lady a drink" Chuck said huskily pushing all thoughts of Blair Waldorf out of his mind.

**GG: Well it appears B might not be the only one to rumple her sheets with two people in one week. Of course C has been doing this for years, but we thought he might still be pining away for B…obviously not. Don't worry B, I'm sure he didn't pick a blond intentionally.**

Blair snapped her phone shut harshly still collapsed on her bathroom tile.

''_I don't want you anymore.'_** '**

'_Chuck was being honest, why shouldn't I have believed him? He has always been upfront.'_

"Blair, dear," the sound of Eleanor's voice brought Blair out of her turmoil. She stood up and quickly wiped the tear streaks off of her face and attempted to smooth the wrinkles out of her outfit as she walked down the stair to find her mother.

"Blair, darling is something wrong?" Eleanor eyed her daughter only half concerned.

"No, Mother, I am fine." Blair lied easily knowing her mother wouldn't see through her.

"Well, good. I wanted to see if you and Serena could accompany me to an event tomorrow night. I have this wonderful new dress that I think would look perfect on Serena, and I wanted to see if she would wear it for me. It would be such great PR to have Serena van der Woodsen at the gala in my dress."

"Wh-What about me." Blair asked sadness covering her features quickly as her mother picked Serena over her again.

"Oh I didn't forget about you darling, I thought you might treat yourself to a new dress at Bindel's." Eleanor replied not even looking up from her work.

"Serena can't make it Mother, we aren't talking anymore. She is too busy with her low class boyfriend, but I could wear the dress." Blair answered hopefully still wanting her mother to choose her to wear the dress.

"Hmm, no I just don't think it will look quite right on you, Blair. It would have worked so fabulously on Serena, but don't worry about going to the gala. I will figure something else out." Eleanor finished hurriedly.

."But, Moth-"

"Blair, I have other things to worry about right now." She said officially dismissing Blair.

Blair slowly ascended the stairs to the second floor. She stopped into her mother's room briefly. Blair walked into her mother's bathroom searching the medicine cabinet. As she opened the door she saw all the bottle neatly lined up, pain killers, antidepressants, and sleeping pills. This was the Upper East Side, Manhattan's elite need not look any farther than their parent's medicine cabinet to get their fix. Blair eyed the bottle searching for her desired bottle. She fingered the bottle of Ambien, the one that would get her through the night. She walked by the bar and poured herself a glass of Scotch knowing it would burn her throat.

_I hope it burns just as badly as he burned me._

She swallowed two of the small pills, washing it down with the Scotch. Blair winced as the alcohol went down her throat. She slipped into her nightgown, and disappeared into her silk sheets. Blair willed herself to fall asleep, so the thoughts would stop lingering in her mind.

'_Rode hard and put away wet.'_

**GG. Spotted S with Lonelyboy holding hands in central park. But where is the former disgraced queen? Can't hide forever B. You know who will be waiting for your next move. Aww B, you know you still love me. XOXO.**

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A/N

Okay so this is going to be my first shot at a multiple chapter story. As long as people are interested in it I will keep it up, so let me know what you think. Also, if you have any suggestions let me know and I will see what I can do. I plan on updating this probably every few days, so I hope you enjoy.


	2. We're Afraid of our Emotions

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13 for now I might change it later.

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar with Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl…

"I'm sorry  
Two words I always think  
After you've gone  
When I realize I was acting all wrong

So selfish  
Two words that could describe  
Oh actions of mine  
When patience is in short supply"

So Sorry, Feist

Serena was up bright and early organizing her new bedroom in the new Van der Bass home. She smiled looking her boyfriend who had come to help her in the process of unpacking.

"Dan, thank you so much for helping move in, it's so sweet." Serena happily replied as she sifted through the boxes on her bed.

"Of course, I'm happy to help too. Actually, I was really glad to get out of the loft. Jenny has been pretty difficult lately. I think Dad is going to have a talk with her today. She has completely turned into one of them." Dan answered as he lowered another box onto her bed.

Serena's smile faded away at his words immediately thinking of Blair. She and her friend had not left things in a pleasant manner. Serena already regretted her words and wondered how Blair was doing. Dan noticed Serena's change in mood and knew where his girlfriend's mind had gone to.

Outside Serena's room Chuck was walking past the hallway to his room as he heard the couple talking. He paused leaning against the door curious as to where the conversation was headed. Chuck was always interested in gossip.

"So, how is Blair doing with all of this drama?" Dan asked knowing how Serena cared for Blair. He was sure she had heard all about it.

Chuck's ears perked up at the mention of the girl who he was currently trying to not think about. But, no matter how hard he tried he couldn't will his feet to walk away. He needed to hear the truth of how Blair was doing.

Serena was holding a picture of her and Blair from when they had stolen Eleanor's designs and had their own photo shoot. They looked so happy together. They were sisters, they got through everything together, until Serena had abandoned Blair by running off to boarding school. But, they made up and their friendship was as strong as ever, until now.

"I don't know. She is handling this one on her own. Apparently, she doesn't need me." Serena answered sadly, not able to meet Dan's eyes.

"Okay, so she is going through this alone? Are you sure that's a good idea? Does she even have anyone?" Dan asked unsure of Serena's actions.

"Yes, Dan, I am sure." Serena replied in a warning tone that said 'Don't push this.'

As Chuck heard this he walked into Serena's room allowing his presence to be known. He was trying not to care about the particular petite brunette, but hearing that even Serena had turned against her worried him.

"Sister dear, it appears you are making yourself comfortable." Chuck said as he eyed Serena with Dan.

"Chuck, what do you want?" Serena asked not wanting to play games.

"Just wondering if it was true what you said, that you and Blair are officially over. Rid yourself of the Queen Bitch as well?" Chuck asked trying to get the information he wanted out of Serena without letting his intentions known.

"Why do you care Chuck? Planning on hurting Blair some more?" Serena angrily asked Chuck.

"Like I told her last night, I don't want her anymore and I couldn't see why anyone else would." Chuck said nonchalantly.

Serena instantly grew upset at his words and took a few angry steps towards Chuck who was leaning against her bedroom wall.

"You said that to her, you bastard? You know how hurt she is right now, Chuck. For some reason that I can't fathom Blair trusted you, so how could you possibly do something like that to her now?" Serena said with furry in her eyes.

"Well, why may I ask do you care? Apparently, you dismissed your best friend as well. After all she has done for you, that's pretty cold, Serena. Wouldn't you agree?" Chuck's words once again had their desired effect as Serena halted her verbal assault on Chuck and couldn't form a reply.

"That's what I thought." Chuck said over his shoulder as he walked out of Serena's room hoping that she would contact Blair. As angry as Chuck was with Blair, he couldn't bare the thought that she was as alone as he felt right now.

XoXo.

Blair woke up slowly, the sun was peaking through her curtains. Her body felt tired still. She glanced at the clock witch read 11:43. Blair Waldorf never slept in past 9:30, but she didn't care. Her mind quickly began to replay the events for the previous night. Had she dreamt it? Had everyone truly abandoned her? Blair reached for phone to read the latest Gossip Girl blast.

**GG. Spotted S with Lonelyboy holding hands in central park. But where is the former disgraced queen? Can't hide forever B. You know who will be waiting for your next move. Aww B, you know you still love me. XOXO.**

The text message from the previous night confirmed her dread. Blair couldn't deal with this right now. She got out of bed and walked back to the bar in her house. Instead of just pouring just a glass Blair reached for the whole bottle as well.

After laying back into her bed, she poured a glass and readily welcomed the burn. She was numb to everything else around her but the feeling of the alcohol as it scorched her throat. Blair looked around her room seeing the pictures on her wall Serena and Blair laughing at Chuck and Nate, a picture with Nate holding Blair, both of her parents hugging her, and a picture of Chuck and Blair glaring at each other deviously. They haunted her. She couldn't deal with this right now, it was just too much. Blair finished her glass of Scotch and poured another. She reached for the bottle of sleeping pills and grabbed two more.

'_I just need to sleep until this all goes away. When I wake up I will know what to do.'_

And with that last thought Blair's eyelids fluttered close again.

XoXo.

Serena and Dan were sitting in a small Chinese restaurant in Brooklyn. Neither had spoken more than a few words since arriving. Serena's head was spinning. She didn't know what to do about Blair she felt so terrible about leaving her best friend by herself, but she wasn't sure what to say to make it better. Serena felt ashamed for leaving Blair alone especially after Blair had been there for her for years always helping her, no questions asked.

"So, I know we are supposed to be not talking about it, but unless that is the best Kung Pow Chicken you've ever had and therefore decided to forgo conversation this evening, I think you are thinking about Blair." Dan said finally addressing the elephant in the room.

Serena looked up from her plate and into her boyfriends expecting eyes.

"You're right, Dan. I got mad at Blair and instead of helping her I told her that she could fight this one on her own. I feel terrible. I was just so mad at her, but I know she was going through a lot. I shouldn't have snapped at her like that, and now I just don't know what to do." Serena looked up frustrated not knowing how to fix her problem.

"Serena, one of the things I love about you is how you're always there for her no matter what. Just talk to her. She'll listen. And I'm sure she could really use a friend right now." Dan replied smiling as he squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"You're right, Dan." Serena nodded in agreement.

Serena grabbed her for wanting to quickly finish her food so she could get to Blair as quickly as possible.

Xoxo.

As the elevator opened Serena walked into the darkness of the Waldorf penthouse. She was worried since Blair had yet to reply to any of her text messages or phone calls. She continued to wonder into the emptiness searching for any sign that Blair was at home.

"Blair, are you home?" Serena asked as she walked up the stairs to Blair's room. She knocked on the closed door. After waiting for a few moments and receiving no answer Serena slowly opened the door looking around the room for any signs of her friend. The heap on Blair's bed soothed her fears as she saw her friend resting peacefully. As she neared the bed she noticed the bottle of Scotch and the bottle of Ambien resting on her nightstand. Serena immediately began to panic realizing how fragile and frail Blair looked.

"Blair, wake up, Blair sweetie, please wake up." Serena yelled shaking Blair furiously.

"What, what's wrong?" Blair asked sleepily trying to focus her eyes around her room, unsure of what was happening.

"Blair, what did you take? How much? Oh God I need to get you to a hospital." Serena said trying to get Blair out of bed and stay in control of the situation at the same time.

"Serena, relax. I took a couple to fall asleep. Don't over react." Blair replied not sure of her ex-friend's change of heart or why she was currently here in her bedroom.

"I'm sorry I just.. I don't know I saw the alcohol and the pills. I was worried about you Blair." Serena said as she sat onto the bed next to Blair.

"Really, because I thought you said I could weather this one on my own." Blair said looking at Serena.

"Blair, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I am always here for-"

"Oh really, because I thought that I was alone that everyone really had left me. Go back to Brooklyn, Serena you are no longer welcome to come and go as you please. That right is reserved for my friends." Blair finished angrily as tears began to fill her eyes as she realized she really didn't have any friends anymore.

"No Blair, I won't. I am sorry for leaving you yesterday. I shouldn't have done that. But, were sisters we can get through this together." Serena sounded so sure Blair wanted to believe her.

"Everything's horrible. My whole life's falling apart." Blair said the emotion evident in her voice.

"So rebuild it. Your a Waldorf remember? People don't tell you who you are, you tell them. Fight. I'll fight with you."

"I'm so embarrassed. I'm so..." Blair answered as the tears streaked her face.

"So what? Start over. It can be done. I should know. We'll get through this together." Serena told her as she reached out wrapping her arms around Blair.

"You promise?" Blair asked looking up hopefully.

"Promise" Serena told her best friend as she held her tightly. "I love you, B"

"I love you too, S" Blair sniffled out.

"So what's going on Blair? What happened with Nate?" Serena asked trying to comfort her friend.

"He told me to leave, that we were over." Blair said without any emotion.

"Oh B, I'm sorry, but I am sure he will come around. Just give him some space." Serena answered trying to sound confident.

"What.." Blair replied looking at Serena with confused eyes.

"He just needs to think things through. I mean I know it hurts him that it was Chuck, but you two were broken up. As soon as he realizes that and calms down I am sure everything will be fine." Serena nodded her head encouragingly.

"No Serena, I think we were over a long time ago. Nate and I aren't right for each other. I can see that now." Blair said and for the first time in her life she was sure that her perfect prince wasn't Nathaniel Archibald. Blair had no prince charming.

Now it was Serena's turn to be confused. Blair had planned on marrying Nate since she was a little girl. Serena could clearly remember a little eight year-old Blair with curled pigtails and bows in her hair asking her if she would be her maid of honor. Serena had witnessed her best friend's despair a few years ago when Nate and Blair had broken up for a few days over a silly tiff that had been romanticized in Blair's mind. And, even more recently, when Blair had discovered the truth about Serena and Nate. She stared at Blair unsure what her distress was over if it wasn't Nate. Why was she so upset?

"Blair, you know this Gossip Girl scandal will be gone in a few days. When this school break is over everyone will have forgotten about this and we can get you back to Queen B." Serena said hoping her words would snap her friend out of her sadness.

"I don't care about Gossip Girl or being Queen anymore. I'm just tired of all of this. I have ruined everything. I am tired of ruining everything. I'm just so sorry for all of it" Blair said as tears formed again and her thoughts once again turned to the Palace bar and Chuck Bass.

"We'll get through this Blair, I promise. You and me together we can fight this." Serena held Blair wishing she could take her friend's pain.

**GG: Spotted a certain golden goddess walking into B's penthouse with a white flag. Are these two hotties friends again? How long will it last this time, I promise to find out. You know you love me Xoxo.**

--

A/N

So I used a couple of lines of dialogue from Gossip Girl. I just loved the lines between Serena and Blair when they were at the helipad, but the rest of it was my own. The lines we tweaked a little so they would fit in the story, but I don't want to take credit for it.

Thanks so much to everyone for reviewing on the last chapter. This story is going to start out sad but will get happier after awhile I promise. If you any suggestions feel free to let me know. Reviews also are great to let me know whether people are interested in me continuing this story and motivate me to write faster :. Should update again in a couple of days.


	3. Let Me Hold My Broken Parts

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Three, Let Me Hold My Broken Parts

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13 for now I might change it later.

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar with Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl…

"Open me up and you will see  
I'm a gallery of broken hearts  
I'm beyond repair, let me be  
And give me back my broken parts."

Be Ok, Ingrid Michaelson

Serena was eyeing Blair worriedly. This was not the Blair Waldorf she knew. This girl was an imposture who just happened to look exactly like her best friend. Serena had surprised Blair by showing up early morning to suggest they go on a shopping spree and have lunch at Bendel's. Blair had reluctantly agreed. Now, the two girls were currently walking around the store, Serena kept trying to keep Blair talking but wasn't succeeding. Blair would simply nod or shrug unless she was forced to answer Serena with a couple of words in response. Blair was slipping away and Serena didn't know how to fix her.

"What do you want to eat B? I had the Tilapia last time and it was really great." Serena said as upbeat as possible.

"I'm not hungry." Blair responded unable to meet her friend's eyes. Serena frowned at her words.

"Blair sweetie, you have to eat something. Come on, you love coming here." Serena answered not giving up quite yet. Blair looked so tiny she needed to eat something.

Blair looked at Serena. She was trying so hard to cheer Blair up. Serena was such a good friend. She felt as though she didn't deserve her. Serena was sunshine and happiness. People felt warmed by her presence, but not by Blair. Blair was cold. Blair ruined people by her selfishness. Her friendship with Serena would fade away again. Blair didn't deserve to have such a caring friend. It was just a matter of time until Serena left her just like everyone else. But, for now Blair was going to try to keep her as long as she could. Blair was trying to absorb the happiness that Serena was radiating. If her friend wanted her to eat she could keep up pretenses.

Blair attempted to smile at Serena, "I think I'll get the Cesar Salad." Blair answered Serena.

"Yeah, that sounds good B, I think I'll get that too. But, how about we make it a chicken Cesar?" she asked Blair hopefully. Blair simply nodded her head in return calming Serena's fears that Blair's other problem might be back.

The waiter came to their table and Blair immediately focused her eyes on the place settings on the table not wanting to make eye contact with even the waiter. Serena frowned as she watched her friend's reaction, trying not to read too much into Blair's avoidance of the waiter. Serena waited until he had finished his spiel on the restaurant's specials before smiling sweetly and ordering two chicken Cesar salads and two bottles of Perrier.

"So have you thought about what you are going to do over the break, B.?" Serena asked hoping Blair had made plans to go somewhere instead of moping around New York until school started back.

"No, I think I am just going to stay here. Eleanor has just left to go to Paris for a couple of weeks to discuss expanding the franchise, but she is going to be too busy. She even took Dorota with her to take care of all her personal matters. And Father and Roman, are busy doing renovations to the chateau." Blair said quietly as the waiter set down two bottles for Perrier and two glasses of ice.

"Well, why don't you come with us? It would be great, Blair. You can save me. Mom is planning this vacation so the families can get to know each other better. Can you imagine a week with Chu-." Serena quickly stopped her sentence as she realized the name she was about to say. Blair was looking at Serena but her mind was miles away.

"_I don't want you anymore"_

"I don't think that would be a good idea." Blair responded harshly. Serena nodded in agreement trying again to change the subject as she watched Blair pick at the label on the water avoiding Serena's gaze.

"I'm excited about getting a week of sun. I think it will be good for Erik to get away for a little while." Serena said taking over the conversation. Blair nodded her head from time to time trying to keep up appearances, but wasn't paying much attention to the words her friend was saying. After their food arrived the conversation died away while Serena hungrily ate her food and Blair picked at it a bit mostly moving it around the plate.

Serena watched Blair in the cab on the way to drop Blair off at home. She was worried about Blair, what was she going to do for a week alone? Her friend was disappearing right in front of her eyes. Blair looked so small and frail. She was a little lost girl, and Serena had no idea what to do with her. She had never seen Blair leave a store empty handed. Nothing could draw Blair's attention. It was as if Blair was going through the motions of living.

When they arrived at Blair's building Serena grabbed her hugging her tightly. "I promise to call while I'm gone Blair, and if you need anything you know I am here for you, right?" Serena asked holding her friend. Blair nodded her head slightly. "And as soon as I get back home, I am coming over and we are having a sleep over, promise." Serena said trying to sound as cheerful as possible without coming across fake.

"You can always marathon Breakfast at Tiffany's, Roman Holiday, and all your favorites, B." Serena suggested as Blair was stepping out of the cab.

"I don't believe in fairytales anymore, Serena. Why pretend?" Blair said sounding broken as she closed the door of the cab. Serena's frown reappeared as Blair's words sunk in. She had always compared her life to old Hollywood movies. Had Blair truly lost interest in everything? Serena had always loved how much Blair admired the classic leading ladies and how Blair always tried to impersonate them in her life. Serena hoped that when she returned her best friend would be back to normal.

Once Blair arrived in her penthouse she quickly went back to her sanctuary. She closed the door to her room. Blair inspected her reflection in the mirror as she had done two days before. Her every imperfection was so obvious to her. How had no one noticed how disgusting she was before now, Blair wondered as she removed her dress to examine her body more closely. She ran her hands over the skin of her stomach thinking about what she had eaten today. Her stomach felt uncomfortably full. She continued to gaze into her reflection trying to find something to admire.

"_You will never be more beautiful or thin as you are right now. I just want you to make the most of it."_

The words hurt Blair as she remembered what her mother had said to her months before. The words had haunted her and stayed with her. Blair did need to make the most of it. She had to prolong herself from become even uglier for as long as possible. She could always count on her mother for honesty. Blair knew what she needed to do. And maybe, just maybe if she lost some of the weight she could everything back. The ones who mattered the most.

Blair walked to her bathroom closing the door behind her for more privacy. Although she was alone she still locked herself in. Blair would never want anyone to see her like this, at her absolute worst. She knew what she forced herself to do was disgusting, but there was no other way. Blair felt the tears run down her cheeks as she thought about how ashamed she was of herself. She just wanted to be loved.

Xoxo.

"Hey, Dan" Serena answered her cell phone happily as she searched around her room for anything else she would need for her week long family vacation.

"Yes, we are going to be leaving in a few minutes." She answered his question as she grabbed another pair of sunglasses to stuff into her purse.

"I'm worried about her, Dan. I don't think she is doing any better. I invited Blair to come along-" Serena continued telling her boyfriend until she was interrupted by a knock on the door. She looked up to see the one person unwelcome to enter her room.

"What is it, Chuck" Serena replied with hostility, not liking to converse with him more than was absolutely necessary. Her mother might be marrying Bart Bass, but Serena was never going to think of him as her brother, especially rafter the way he had treated Blair.

"I just wanted to let you know the limo is here." Chuck said processing the information he had just heard Serena tell Dan.

"Fine I will be down in a second." Serena told Chuck flatly as she glared at him watching him walk down the hall. Chuck was pondering the information, unsure of what to do.

"Sorry, Dan…Oh no she said she isn't going to come. Would you mind maybe checking in on her later in the week for me?" Serena sweetly asked her boyfriend knowing he wasn't going to enjoy this favor. "Please, Dan. Just once later in the week, for me?" Serena knew Dan would do it. "Oh thank you so much, I love you, Dan." Serena was comforted by the idea that somebody would be looking in on Blair. "I promise to call you, but I have to go. OK, bye Dan." Serena hung up her phone and grabbed her bags to head down to the limo waiting below.

Serena was surprised not to find Chuck in the limo that the rest of her family and Bart were currently sitting.

"Where's Chuck?" Serena asked annoyed at Chuck already and the vacation had yet to officially begin.

"He decided just now not to come, I'm sorry we will have to enjoy the trip without his company." Bart replied upset his son had bailed out of the family planned trip at the very last moment.

Serena smiled happily at the news. She grabbed her phone in order to text Blair of the good news. Maybe Dan wouldn't have to check in on Blair after all.

_Hey B, he's not coming. Call if you change your mind about St Martin- Love S_

Blair closed her phone thinking how exhausting it would be to try and be happy for Serena for a week. No, it was better for her to stay here by herself. Blair looked around the darkness in her bathroom. She was sitting on the cold tile. Blair thought back over the last few months. Chuck had been so different, sweet even. Maybe if she found him and explained everything, maybe they could start over. Anyway, he deserved the truth. Blair nodded her head encouragingly. Maybe everything wasn't ruined quite yet. She looked at herself in her bathroom mirror. She was defiantly going to have to try harder if she wanted to get Chuck Bass back, Blair thought to herself as she pealed away the rest of her clothes and stepped into her shower.

**Gossip Girl: Spotted S at JFK headed to sun in St. Martin for a family vacay but a certain older brother-to-be was missing. Brooding Bass was spotted at the Palace bar…typical. But, Little J surprised everyone by showing up on N's arm at P's party. Looks like little J is going to claw her way to the top. You know you love me. XoXo**

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A/N

Thanks everyone for reading! I hope you all are enjoying the story. I have been trying really hard to keep updating frequently. I wanted to give a special thanks to:

Broadway4205, xxktnxx, indiansummernights, fizliz23,

Thank you so much for reviewing on the last chapter, it's so great to know what you are thinking on the story and really motivates me to continue writing! So thanks for the support : !


	4. Lover I Don't Have to Love

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Four, Lover I Don't Have to Love

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13 for now I might change it later.

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar with Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl…

"You write such pretty words  
But life's no storybook  
Love's an excuse to get hurt  
And to hurt.  
Do you like to hurt?  
I do, I do

Then hurt me."

Lover I Don't Have to Love, Bright Eyes

Chuck Bass was not in a good mood. He should be in St. Martin, on the beach with a pair of topless beauties sitting beside him. But, Blair Waldorf had ruined his week on the beach as well as most things in his life already. So instead, Chuck was sitting in the Palace bar, drinking Scotch, and thinking about how all his problems had started. It was all due to one beautiful petite brunette. Scratch that- Blair Waldorf should not be described as any of those things, she should be described as a cold-hearted bitch Chuck decided.

Chuck waved the bartender over to get another Scotch. Chuck scrolled through his phone looking for someone to call tonight. Yes, there were plenty of females Chuck could call, but it was not what he wanted. Chuck missed his foursome. He had been friends with Nate, Serena, and Blair since childhood, and couldn't believe he had alienated himself from all three. Even the family he wanted so desperately he couldn't be a part of because his future step sister had invited along her best friend. Chuck did not runaway from things, never. But, spending a week surrounded by Blair Waldorf would have been unbearable. So now, Chuck had disappointed his father by canceling last minute, as well. Chuck grabbed his new glass and took a sip.

He had attempted to make amends with Nate, but he wouldn't even listen to Chuck. At the time, Chuck new that Nate would be angry, but he didn't expect their friendship to end. If only he hadn't kept the truth from Nate, he should have told him what was going on between he and Blair. Maybe Nate would have accepted it, then again maybe not. Blair was the one who slept with both of them, although it was so hypocritical of Nate to be mad at Blair when he had cheated with Serena while dating Blair. But then again, Nate had confessed. Well, he had confessed months later. Analyzing the situation was giving Chuck a headache.

'_Nathaniel Archibald doesn't deserve Blair Waldorf. He had never appreciated her. Damn it, Nate hadn't even wanted Blair until I had brought her out of her unhappiness. I had made her come alive' _Chuck thought as he swirled his Scotch in his glass.

Chuck also knew that he probably shouldn't have gone after Blair to begin with, but there was something about her. Chuck had always wanted her, yet more than that Chuck had always cared for Blair. He couldn't remember the countless times he had been there to comfort Blair or manipulate events in their life to make her happy. He had always lied to himself by saying he was doing it to help Nathaniel, not wanting to admit the truth. Chuck wanted Blair, but he wanted her completely. Chuck had never been in a relationship, he didn't know the first thing about serious dating, but for Blair he would have been willing to try. Blair had awoken the butterflies.

'_Stupid slut.'_

Chuck's current plan was to get as drunk as possible, and he was well on his way as he slammed down another empty glass. Chuck eyed the bar searching for a female who could help him forget, for the night at least. Unfortunately, nothing was appealing. Except for a slim brunette.

'_No. No brunettes.'_

"Another Scotch." Chuck said not meeting the bartender's face. He gazed into his glass of Scotch knowing his drink held all the answers.

"Chuck-"a timid voice said bringing him out of his stupor. She sat down on the barstool next to him. The bartender approached them. "I'll have what he's having." She said softly still waiting for Chuck to respond.

"What do you want, Waldorf?" Chuck asked looking at her for a second before looking back at his glass.

"Chuck, I'm sorry. I …I uh just wanted to apologize and explain to you-"

"You know as much as I love that you are here throwing yourself at me again, I thought I made myself perfectly clear last time. I do not want you." Chuck breathed out as he took a sip of his drink.

"I know you're mad at me, and I don't blame you." Blair said ready to try again but Chuck interrupted her once again.

"Blair you disgust me. I just wanted to be the first to get what you prized saving so much. Thank you for giving it to me so easily. That was all it was. So, if you don't mind, leave." Chuck finished still not meeting Blair's eyes.

Tears were threatening to fall out of her eyes as she took his words in processing Chuck's hurtful words slowly.

"Is that honestly how you feel about me?" Blair whispered.

"Do you honestly need me to clarify my feelings for you?" Chuck said harshly. He heard a whimper of a 'yes' before continuing, "You are the pathetic girl, who will never get the attention you fantasize you deserve. Compared to Serena's beauty no one will ever notice you. I enjoyed you while you were a novelty, but now I can't see what you could possibly offer anyone." Chuck said lying to himself as well as Blair. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Blair's tears coming out of her eyes.

"Thank you." Blair said through her tears watching Chuck for any sign he didn't believe his words.

Blair's answer surprised him. He was shocked enough to look up at the broken girl before him.

"What else, Chuck? What else do you hate about me?" she looked at him pleadingly.

Chuck looked at the agony in her eyes and couldn't understand why Blair was accepting this additional pain

'_Why is she doing this?'_

As angry as Chuck was he couldn't do this to her. Because he was drunk he hadn't realized what Blair was doing, but he wouldn't keep playing her sick game of giving her more ammunition to hate herself, but he didn't want to have to confess his true feelings either. He wanted to escape.

"If you won't leave, allow me." Chuck said as he slammed down his empty glass of Scotch and left the bar. As he turned towards the elevator, he saw Blair stay stationary on the barstool and order another drink. Chuck walked to the night manager of the Palace.

"Please make sure Miss Waldorf arrives home safely, or put her in a room for the night." Chuck said as he handed the man a large bill without anyone being any the wiser.

"Of course, sir." The manager replied knowing if a Bass was issuing an order it was to be followed.

Chuck pulled out his cell phone once again. Maybe the number of one the many females was all he needed for the night, Chuck decided as he roamed the list trying to decide which lucky woman he would call for tonight. He dialed the digits as the elevator doors closed. Anything to get his mind off Blair Waldorf, and the miserable look on her face.

Blair sat at the bar drinking by herself. At least she knew the truth she thought sadly. But, Blair had also wanted to let Chuck know the truth, her explanation for her actions. He wouldn't let her say her words. She replayed their conversation over in her head as she drank, mildly aware that someone was watching her. After her third Scotch, Blair was becoming affected by the alcohol. Blair was a light weight on a good day, but since she had nearly no food in her stomach it was getting to her much more quickly. The man approached Blair.

"Miss Waldorf? I believe it is time to get you home." He said watching as Blair tried to steady herself against the bar. He put a hand on her back to keep her from falling off of the barstool.

"Don't touch me!" She snapped quickly. "Who are you? Ho-How do you know me or who I am?" Blair asked belligerently.

"Relax Miss Waldorf, I am the night manager here. Mr. Bass asked me to make sure you got home safely.

"He did?" Blair asked her eyes beginning to fill with hope. "Chuck, asked you to watch out for me?" She eyed him carefully.

"Yes, miss. Now, would you like me to call you a cab, or would you like a room?" the manager finished.

"Actually, I think I will go to Chuck's suite." Blair said standing.

"Very well miss. Would you like some assistance?" He asked Blair unsure if she would be able to make it to Chuck's suite on her own. Blair only glared at him in reply.

"Actually, I think I will stay here, good evening." The manager replied walking towards his desk.

Blair took a few bills out of her purse and laid it down for her drinks. The walk to the elevator was not a graceful one for Blair, but she did succeed in not falling over completely. Her stomach grew nervous on the way to Chuck's floor.

'_Butterflies?'_ Blair thought smiling softly. She wasn't sure exactly what she was going to say, but if he had really had the manager watch her maybe he did still care. Blair knew better than anyone that Chuck was an amazing liar.

She knocked loudly on the door. The seconds seemed to pass unbearably slowly. Finally, a sleepy-eyed, still-drunk, Chuck wearing only a pair of boxer-briefs answered the door, only opening it enough for his face to peer out. His forehead wrinkled as he saw Blair. She squeezed her eyes shut because she was not sure if she could stand to look into his intense eyes as she confessed.

"Chuck-listen. It is your turn to listen to me. I was scared Chuck! Scared of what it would be like to be in a relationship with you! And, I was mad at you for ruining my cotillion because I thought that proved you didn't care about me. That's why I went-"At that moment Blair opened her eyes, momentarily finding the confidence to look into Chuck's eyes, until she saw a naked female lying on Chuck's bed.

Blair speech came to a halt as she looked from the bed to Chuck her mouth hanging open.

"Oh." Blair said quietly.

'_Of course I was wrong! I asked him for the truth. Why would he have lied to me? Why was I trying to give myself false hope? He said he didn't want me, repeatedly!'_ Blair thought bitterly. She felt like such a fool.

"I'm-I'm sorry." Blair whispered under her breathe, closing her eyes so the tears would not escape. She turned on her heel, running for the elevator, and ignoring Chuck calling her name. Blair had to get out of the Palace, as far away as possible from Chuck and his slut for the night. Blair controlled her tears until she stepped into the cab and then she broke down completely.

Blair was hysterical when she arrived home. She ran up the stairs heading straight for her mother's bathroom. Blair slammed open the medicine cabinet knocking over pill bottles until she found the one she wanted. Blair carried the bottle of Valium back to her room stopping by the bar to prepare herself a drink. Something smoother than Scotch to take with the pills. As she got in bed she took two Valiums and two Ambiens washing it down with her cocktail. Blair cried until the pills had their affect and Blair fell to a peaceful sleep.

Forgotten on the floor Blair's phone buzzed softly. The missed calls and text messages were beginning to add up.

**Gossip Girl: Apparently while Little J has been making a name for herself B is disgracing hers further. Who knew that was possible?**

--

A/N

Hey everyone, so thanks again for continuing to read my story. Even bigger thank you for everyone for reviewing. So, I decided to try and include a little bit more of Chuck's point of view because I feel he was pretty hurt from everything too. Let me know what you think, and thank you so very much for all of the support! Fair warning though, I usually write while I am at work, but I won't be working again until Saturday. I promise to try and get an update before then!


	5. Keep Breathing

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Five, Keep Breathing

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar with Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl…

"I want to change the world...instead I sleep.  
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I'm breathing.  
All I can do is keep breathing.  
All we can do is keep breathing now."

Ingrid Michaeslon

Blair opened her eyes slowly. She was unhappy to be awake so early because she had hoped to sleep through more of the day. The sleeping pills Blair was abusing were beginning to lose their affect. She rolled over to the other side of her bed trying to move away from the sun shinning into her room. Blair tried to remember the night before. The one thing she knew for certain was that she had drunk, a lot. The miserable hangover was her proof as well as the cocktail glass resting on her nightstand.

Blair thought back to the day before piecing together the events of the previous evening. She had decided she wanted to go and see Chuck. Had she gone? Blair tried hard to think. She remembered a cab, yes a cab and walking into to the Palace. She remembered the Scotch she thought bitterly as she ran her hand across her throat, her poor throat was sore. What had happened? Blair wasn't quite sure but she thought remembered drinking alone, she shuddered hoping she hadn't been pathetically drinking by herself.

Her stomach growled and Blair couldn't remember the last meal she had eaten. Although she couldn't bare the thought off adding anymore calories to her body, she was starving. Blair stood up from her bed and unzipped her dress. She pulled the straps off of her shoulder and let the dress pool around to her feet. She kicked out of it and bent to pick it up off the ground. Blair noticed her cell phone on the ground as picked her dressed and palmed the phone as well. Blair slipped into a dressing gown and put the cell phone into her pocket as she walked down the stairs to the kitchen.

As she passed a mirror Blair noticed she had dark streaks of mascara under her eyes. She scrubbed the flesh trying to get the make up off. Blair had been crying a lot lately. Blair opened the door to the refrigerator and spotted a large quiche Lorraine Dorota had left for Blair. She took it out and placed it into the microwave to heat up. She grabbed a Diet Coke taking a sip and waiting for her food to finish. Blair opened a cabinet and grabbed a plate and fork and knife as well. When the microwave finally beeped she took out the quiche and served herself a small slice. She took a hot bite and the food tasted delicious. Her stomach growled loudly in appreciation.

As Blair was about to take another bite, her cell phone vibrated softly in her pocket warning her of her missed calls. She opened the phone as she chewed on her meal.

'_Serena, Serena, Chuck, Gossip Girl, Serena'_

Blair was not surprised that Serena had tried so many times. She was very worried about Blair, especially since she had left on vacation.

'_I wish she would have stayed with me.'_

Blair continued to scroll through the texts most curious to read Chuck's text message.

**B, **

**We need to talk. I'm sorry.**

Blair looked at the text message unsure of what to do. What had happened last night? He was apologizing, how very unChuck Bass. She had wanted to confess everything to Chuck, had she gone through with it? She took another bite deciding what to do. Before Blair realized what she was doing her fingers stopped listening to her brain and began typing quickly.

**C,**

**Come over, please.**

**B**

Obviously things had gone well if he wanted to talk, Blair thought as she picked up her phone to answer Serena. Before she could open Serena's text, she prepared to see the text message from Gossip Girl. Blair decided it was better to get it over with. Most everyone was out of town, how bad could it really be? She clicked on the Gossip Girl name.

**Gossip Girl: Apparently while Little J has been making a name for herself B is disgracing hers further. Who knew that was possible?**

Blair's eyes began to glaze over as she continued to read Gossip Girl's words over and over. What had happened? Last night she had gone straight to the Palace and straight back to her house. Blair looked at her right hand and the fork she was grasping tightly. Blair dropped the phone from her left hand and reached for the quiche. While tears formed in her eyes Blair began gorging herself with the food. She forced bite after bite into her mouth. Blair felt sick her stomach couldn't take anymore, but she continued to eat at the quiche not stopping until she finished every single last bite. She had finished the entire thing in a matter of minutes. Blair sobbed loudly and collapsed onto the kitchen floor disgusted with herself once again.

After sitting there for a moment Blair slowly pulled herself back up realized what she had just done. She eyed the empty dish and reached a hand to touch her uncomfortably full stomach for proof.

"Oh God" she cried out as she ran out of the kitchen. Her tears were clouding her vision and she missed a step as she raced over the steps. Blair fell forwards scrapping her knee against the edge. She crawled forward until she pushed up onto her legs running for her refuge. Blair didn't bother to close the bedroom door nor her bathroom door. She kneeled before the porcelain sticking two fingers into her throat waiting for her relief.

**Gossip Girl: Spotted C running out of a very important meeting. We know he had a couple of late night visitors yesterday…wonder what would send a Bass running like that. You know you love me. XoXo.**

Chuck had been very surprised when he had received the text message from Blair. He had expected she would ignore him for days, weeks even. He had no idea she would return his text message the very next day.

'_Come over, please.' When does Blair ever say please? Maybe she really does want to talk this out._

Chuck knew he had a lot of apologizing to do as well. His words had been so hateful, but she had hurt him, too. Chuck was tired of being walked over by Blair. He had explained on her birthday what he was feeling, and he had yet to hear anything from Blair. He knew he had been too harsh with her last night. He would definitely have to apologize for that. He also greatly regretted inviting a woman up last night. Blair looked crushed when she saw the naked woman in his bed. But, why? She had made it clear she didn't want a relationship with him. But, maybe he was wrong.

It took Chuck about two seconds to decide that he was, of course, going to go see her. Even if he had to interrupt a meeting for franchising Victrola.

"Excuse me gentleman, I am sorry but we are going to have to finish this meeting another day." The men sitting at the table looked up at Chuck disbelieving of his actions. His father would not be very happy with him, but Blair was more important. If Blair was actually willing to talk to Chuck he would not mess up the opportunity.

The elevator ride up to Blair's penthouse was making him nervous. His palms were beginning to sweat as he thought of what he was going to say. Blair was going to be furious. He smirked at the thought of an angry Blair. She was so cute when her blood was boiling. Although, there were plenty of other ways Chuck preferred to get Blair's blood boiling.

"Blair?" Chuck called out as he removed his coat and scarf leaving it on a chair. He thought he heard coughing coming from Blair's room. He walked up the stairs trying to mentally prepare himself for the assault he was going to receive from Blair. Chuck knocked on her door, but instead of a response he heard more coughing. Chuck began to worry, afraid Blair might not be okay. He followed the noise coming from the bathroom.

"Blair-'' Chuck's voice cut off as he caught sight of the scene before him. His jaw clenched as he saw Blair forcing her fingers down her throat and emptying her stomach. His feet stayed rooted to the floor.

"Stop-Blair-stop!" He couldn't bare the sight anymore. He began to walk towards her when she looked up at him tears streaming down her face.

"Ch-chuck?" she asked scared an unsure of why he was here. Suddenly she remembered sending the text message and she looked down at her feet not wanting to meet his eyes.

_I must disgust him_ Blair thought as she realized the full extent of what Chuck had witnessed and with that thought her memories of the previous evening came crashing back.

'_Blair, you disgust me. I just wanted to be the first to get what you prized saving so much. Thank you for giving it to me so easily.'_

Sobs raked through her body, Blair was hyperventilating as she let his words wash over her again once again.

'_I enjoyed you while you were a novelty, but now I can't see what you could possibly offer anyone.'_

Chuck closed the distance between the two grabbing her and pulling Blair against his chest. He had no idea what to do with this broken girl. She tried to use the strength she had left to push him away, but it was useless. Blair was so frail in Chuck's strong arms. Blair's tears wetted Chuck's shirt and he just brushed his hand through Blair's hair waiting for her to calm down.

At that moment Chuck loathed himself for every hurtful thing he had said to Blair. He knew he wasn't completely to blame, but his words must have sent her over the edge. How would he fix this?

He closed the lid to the toilet and gently sat Blair down. Her breathing was finally stabilizing.

"Blair, baby, I'm going to run a shower for you, okay?" He asked making sure she approved of his every action.

She looked up meeting his eyes for the first time and nodded her head once. Chuck went to the bath tub and turned on the warm water waiting for it to reach the right temperature before letting it fill. As the water was running, he walked back towards Blair who hadn't begun to move at all.

Chuck sighed softly not sure how his next actions would go over. He walked over to Blair and gently titled her face forward to meet his.

"Blair, I need you to get undressed so I can put you in the bath. Do you want me to help you?" Blair softly nodded turning her face back down once again. Chuck lifted Blair to her feet letting her body lean against his as he reached for the hem of her gown and pulled it over her slim body. Blair was not helping at all. Chuck then undid the clasp of her bra and slid the straps off her shoulders letting the bra fall to the grown. Very hesitantly, Chuck used one hand to pull her panties down touching her as little as possible.

Chuck scoped Blair into his arms and carried her over to the now full bath tub. He gently set her down causing him to submerge both of his arms into the hot water. Without looking at her body once Chuck turned away from Blair giving her some privacy.

"I will be back in a few minutes to check on you." Chuck said softly closing the bathroom door as he left. Chuck walked to the kitchen to get Blair something to eat. He knew that wouldn't go over well, but he had to try something. She looked so small it was scaring him. As he walked into the kitchen Chuck noticed the mess before him: the phone on the ground, the plate, the dish, and crumbs everywhere. He cleaned everything up silently. Chuck bent down to pick up the cell phone noticing the text message that was open.

**Gossip Girl: Apparently while Little J has been making a name for herself B is disgracing hers further. Who knew that was possible?**

Chuck groaned as he read the text message. Why hadn't he just listened to Blair when she had come to him? All of this could have been prevented. But, Chuck was an angry drunk at times and he had let Blair have it. Chuck vowed to fix this with Blair. He would make her know how amazing she was he decided as he looked for something to bring up for Blair to eat. He walked back the stairs to Blair's room leaving a plate of fruits and cheeses on the nightstand with a glass of water.

Chuck knocked softly on the door before calling her name tenderly. When she didn't reply he opened the door to see her sitting exactly as she had been left crying. Chuck walked into the bathroom rolling up his already wet sleeves. He kneeled down beside her grabbing a loofah wetting it and pouring some shower gel onto hit. He worked the foam and gently washed Blair, as innocently as any man possibly could. He splashed water onto her rinsing off the suds. Then, Chuck filled a cup with water and poured it over her dark hair gently messaging her scalp with shampoo. When he was satisfied that she was clean he rinsed her off once again. He carefully dried her off and put her into another dressing gown he had found. Blair was numb to everything letting Chuck do all the work.

Finally, Blair snapped out of her daze and finished the process under Chuck's watchful gaze. She brushed her teeth and then brushed out her hair watching Chuck in the reflection of the mirror.

"Blair, I'm sorry about last night-" Chuck was ready to apologize but Blair didn't want to hear it.

"No Chuck, you told me the truth last night. I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm sorry for continuing to bother you I just thought…I don't know what I thought I just I am so sorry. I-I never wanted to disgust you. I don't know what is wrong with me." She cried.

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you, Blair."

He took her into his arms once again trying to comfort her as her loud sobs filled the room.

"I was being an asshole. I was drunk and wanted to hurt you. None of it is true." He said as he tried to force her to look into his eyes. "Blair. I am so sorry." Chuck said completely honest as he looked into Blair's eyes.

Blair reached up onto her tiptoes and kissed Chuck gently. She continued to wrap her arms around him pressing herself against him. She parted his lips with her tongue inviting herself in trying to get a response from him. Chuck hesitated for a moment before kissing her back. He caressed her tongue with his tasting her fresh breath and feeling the softness of her lips.

Blair pulled away from the kiss and began to plant delicate kisses up Chuck's jaw line until she reached his ear. She bit on his earlobe before whispering into his ear, "Have sex with me."

At Blair's words Chuck jerked away.

"What-Blair-No!" Chuck said sharply looking at her tear streaked face. "Not like this Blair, not when you are so hurt." He added delicately as he caressed her hair.

"Please, Chuck. Help me forget all of this." She whimpered trying to stop the tears from falling down.

Chuck caught her tears with his thumb. He smiled at her sympathetically before kissing her on the cheek.

"No Blair, I can't. I care too much about you. We need to take care of you first. You can't try to escape this."

Blair looked angry at his words.

"So, you really don't want me anymore?!" She asked getting very upset.

"Blair, it's not like that." Chuck said trying to remain calm.

"Then what? You can sleep with all of your sluts, but not me!"

"Blair, calm down. We've hurt each other so much I think-"Chuck tried to explain evenly.

"Well, Bass, I think you should leave!"

"Blair, I know you are mad, but I'm not leaving things like this. We need to talk."

"I have nothing more to say to you. Please just go." Blair said turning away from Chuck.

He reached for her putting his hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off.

"Blair-please."

"Go, before I call security."

Chuck took a step away from her towards the door his face crestfallen.

"I will come by later to check on you. Please eat, I brought you some fruit."

"Don't bother coming by. I am going to tell the concierge you are no longer welcome here." Blair said as her voice quivered.

"I'm sorry." Chuck whispered as he left the penthouse quickly.

Blair stood still in her room as she began to cry hysterically again. After a few moments, she ran down the stairs to see if Chuck had really left. She looked around the empty rooms finding only Chuck's scarf and jacket left behind. She reached out grabbing his scarf smelling his sent still on it. She wrapped it around her neck wanting to smell him around her, wanting to feel warm again. She was losing all control around her. She wanted to calm down.

Blair ran back up to her room looking for her collection of pills. She just needed to go to sleep, to become numb to everything. Blair reached for the bottle of Scotch and took a sip straight from the bottle. She grabbed the Valium taking pill after pill just wanting to calm down before grabbing the bottle of Ambiem because she wanted a deep sleep. Blair swallowed a handful of pills with the alcohol. She laid down waiting for sleep to come but after seconds of impatience, which to Blair had felt like hours, she grabbed the rest of the Ambien taking the rest of the bottle and praying for sleep.

--

A/N

So big thank you for all of the positive feedback. Everyone's words have been so encouraging. I hope you like this, I know it is dark but it is a dark fic. Things will get better in time though, I promise. Please let me know what you think! I will be updating again in a few days!


	6. I Need You Now

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Six, I Need You Now

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar with Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl…

A/N – I just want to apologize before I begin, I have no medical background what so ever. I researched all of this on the internet, and I hope, hope, hope it all works out. If you happen to see anything that is just blatantly wrong please let me know. Thanks.

"Dark, you can't come soon enough for me  
Saved, from one more day of misery  
Everything I love, get back for me now  
Everyone I love, I need you now

Don't forget a million miles for me  
Safe and another day passed by me  
Everything I love, get back for me now  
Everyone I love, I need you now  
Come on, I lied I lied to me too"

Dark Come Soon, Tegan and Sara

Serena van der Woodsen had been on vacation for one day, and had been unable to enjoy a single minute of that day. A week in the Caribbean was usually a welcomed retreat from the Upper Eastside. The sun shine and swimming in the ocean, but Serena's mind was elsewhere. More specifically, her mind was occupied on Blair Waldorf, who seemed unable to answer her phone. Serena had attempted to call her land line, text, and call Blair's cell phone multiple times to no avail. She was starting to worry. Serena had told Blair she would be calling daily. Why wasn't she answering?

Serena picked up her phone once again dialing a very familiar number.

"Hello"

"Hey, Sweetie."

"Hi Serena, how is the trip going?"

"Not too well. I can't get a hold of Blair. She is really worrying me."

"I see. So, I suppose you were hoping a certain someone would venture to the Upper Eastside? And here I thought you missed me." Dan teased his girlfriend.

"Dan, you know I miss you, but I am scared for Blair. She is all alone, and Blair is prone to be a bit melodramatic." Serena said concerned.

"I understand. I'm just kidding around. I'm actually out running some errands so I can stop by and check on her. I'm sure Blair will be thrilled to see me."

"Thank you so much, Dan. You are so great." Serena answered feeling some relief.

"No problem. I will call you when I am at the Waldorf's. Sound good?"

"That's great Dan. I will call the concierge and tell them you are expected."

"Yeah that should make things easier. I talk to you soon." Dan finished as he headed outside to grab a cab heading for 5th Avenue.

From the moment Dan Humphery stepped into Blair's building he was uncomfortable. She would not be happy to see him, of that he was sure. She would insult him, use sarcasm, and, most likely, throw him out. Sow why was he going through with this? Serena van der Woodsen. As Dan entered the apartment he noticed a jacket lying on a chair. A very familiar looking jacket.

_Great, this is just what I need to find Blair and Chuck. Maybe I could just call Serena and tell her Blair wasn't here._

But, Dan was too honest for that. Besides, he was already there. As Dan looked back at the jacket his brows furred. Blair and Chuck were both pissed at each other. Why would they be in the same place together? Dan's interest was piqued as he climbed the stairs to Blair's room.

"Blair?" Dan called loudly making his presence known as he ascended the stairs.

The door to Blair's room was already open. Dan peaked in for a second and noticed that Blair was alone and asleep. He sighed a breath of comfort not wanting to run into a naked Chuck and Blair. Dan looked away, wanting to give Blair her privacy, and knocked loudly. After not hearing her stir at all Dan knocked again and called her name.

"Blair?"

He still received no response. It was very odd that Blair was still in bed, Dan thought. It was nearly four o'clock. Who slept in that late?

_Maybe she is sick?_

Dan decided that it might be best to wake her up; just to check on her; be yelled at; and move along on his merry way. As Dan approached Blair he noticed her lips looking so very blue and unlike Blair's natural red lips. She looked very pale lying on the bed. He reached out to gently try and shake her awake and was shocked at the feel of her cool skin.

"Blair." He said nervously as he gently shook Blair.

As Dan took in Blair lying on her bed, he began to notice two empty prescription bottles lying next to an empty bottle of Scotch.

"Shit!" Dan yelled as he realized the implications of what Blair had done.

He immediately ripped the covers off of Blair's body to see if he could see her chest rising. She looked so small. She had a scarf wrapped around her neck. He pulled it off and watched her. Dan noticed no movement from her chest. He grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. As he waited for the phone to ring he brought his right hand under Blair's nose waiting to see if he felt any breath. After a moment he barely felt a small amount of warm air onto his hand.

"This 911, what is your emergency?" The woman's voice finally responded.

"My friend, I think she overdosed. She isn't responding and there are some empty pill bottles next to her. And alcohol there is an empty bottle of alcohol." Dan finished shakily.

"Sir, I need you to remain calm. Is she breathing?"

"I can't see her chest moving but there is a very small amount of air occasionally coming out of her nose, but barely anything."

"Okay. I need you to give me the address… Alright thank you. Now, I need you to begin cardiopulmonary resuscitation. Can you do that?"

"Yes. Okay." Dan said as he began to position Blair's body into the proper position.

"Sir can you put the phone on speaker phone and I will stay on the line until the ambulance arrives."

Dan immediately pressed the buttons on his phone so he could here the woman as she began to dictate the process incase Dan was unsure.

" I need you to check for a pulse. Check on her neck or on her wrist."

"I cannot feel anything." Dan yelled as tears were beginning to form.

_Oh God what if Blair dies?_

He was so scared that he would do something wrong, but he knew there was no alternative.

"You need to tilt the head back."

Dan attempted to move Blair's head back as gently as possible as if he would break her.

"Now, pinch her nose and cover her mouth with yours. You are going to breathe in until you can watch her chest rise. Okay. You need to give her two deep breaths. Each breathe should take about one second"

Dan leaned down to Blair and pinched her nose closed with his right hand. He brought his left hand to Blair's chin in order to keep her head tilted back. His lips came down onto Blair's much softer ones and breathed a breath into her. He watched as her chest began to rise and then fall again. Dan breathed into Blair's mouth again.

"Alright once you have finished the breathing, you need to start chest compressions."

Dan moved down to Blair's chest clasping one hand on top off the other.

"On the chest sternum you need to press down about two inches deep. You are going to do 30 chest compressions. The rate should be at 100 per minute. Keep going, Dan, you are doing great."

Dan counted in his head as he pressed down on Blair's chest pushing it down watching it rise and then repeating the action.

"When you finish the thirty compressions go back to giving her the two breaths. You are going to continue to ratio of 2:30. Just keep repeating it until the Ems arrives"

Dan finished the thirty chest compressions and moved closer to Blair's face. He placed his lips over hers and breathed in. After the first breathe he began to feel Blair's body tense underneath him. Relief flooded through Dan at the tension he could feel in Blair's body. He was all too happy to hear the repulsion in Blair's voice when she yelled at him for kissing her lips.

"I think she is coming to" Dan yelled into the phone as he saw her limbs jerk. He smiled extremely happily. He looked at Blair and in one instant his smile fell off of his face and his stomach turned.

"Oh God!" He yelled.

Dan looked on in shock as Blair's body began to contort. She was violently moving her limbs everything shaking.

"What's going on?" the emergency operator questioned worriedly.

" I think she is having a seizure! What do I do?! What do I do?!"

"Walk me through, what is she doing?"

"She is shaking violently. Her entire body in convulsing."

"Alright. I need you need to make sure there is nothing around her in which she can hurt herself."

"No there is nothing! So, what do I do?"

"All you can do is wait for the seizure to take its course."

"What?" Dan said unable to believe he couldn't do anything but watch as she shook violently.

"Shouldn't I restrain her or something?" Dan asked still unsure.

"No! That is the worst thing you can do. Just wait for the paramedics to come. They should be arriving shortly. These usually last less than a minute." She informed him.

Dan couldn't bear to watch Blair as her body convulsed unnaturally. Her eyes were rolled into the back of her head. He felt sick to his stomach.

A minute later Dan heard the elevator sound alerting him of the ambulance arriving. He ran to the staircase.

"She's up here, everyone. She is up here." Dan yelled as he saw the paramedics enter.

"She is having a seizure." Dan ran back into the room not wanting to leave Blair by herself and noticed her body lying perfectly still.

"It stopped. Its over." Dan said as he walked back to her body.

"Sir, we need you to step back from the body." The Ems ordered Dan.

"How long has she been out?"

"I don't know I came here about ten minutes ago and she was like this. I started CPR and then she started having a seizure. It last for about three or four minutes." Dan said trying to give all the information he thought of that was relevant.

"We are going to have to take her to the hospital." They informed him as Blair was strapped on to a board and they carried her down the stairs of her home.

"I'm going with her." Dan informed them as he ran after them grabbing his cell phone and the prescription bottles with him. He knew he was going to have to call Serena and he wasn't looking forward to telling her, especially when he had to idea what was going on with Blair.

Dan watched in silence as the EMS personnel continued to perform CPR on Blair's limp body. Dan had never seen Blair look so vulnerable before. Where was the vicious, lively girl he knew? He was so scared. Scared for Blair, for Serena, and for himself. He had no idea what to do. As much as he hated to do it, he had to call Serena. She would know what to do. This was her world, and Dan was drowning in it.

"Hey, Dan, did you get there okay?" Serena answered sounding at ease.

"I don't-I don't know what to do?" Dan sounded so broken, his voice was hoarse.

"Dan-what's wrong?" Serena asked scared.

"She-She I think she overdosed. We are in an ambulance on the way to the hospital." Dan told her. He could hear Serena starting to cry.

"Oh God Dan?! Is she okay!? Is she going to be okay!?"

"I don't know, sweetheart, I don't know. You have to tell me what to do, I don't know. I'm trying but you have to help me I don't know. I don't know." Dan finished hysterically.

Serena was trying to pull herself together. She had to for Blair. For Dan.

"Okay. Calm down. I will get there as soon as I can. Just stay with her please. I don't want her to be by herself."

"Of course I wouldn't leave her."

"I will come home and I will call Eleanor let her know what is going on so she can get back to the States." Serena said as she began making a mental list of everything that needed to be done while her tears continued to stream down her face.

"I'm going to start getting this stuff done here. Call me when you get to the hospital and talk to the doctors. I can help you with all the paper work too, okay?" she finished.

"Ok. I will. I love you." Dan said nodding his head much more clam.

"I love you, too." She replied when suddenly a thought occurred to Serena.

"Dan-wait- tell her she is me."

"Wait. What?" Dan answered confused.

"When they ask for her name tell them she is Serena van der Woodsen."

"Why?"

"She's been through so much already. I don't want people to find out about this, too. Please, Dan, tell everyone she is me, but try to keep it as quiet as possible.

"Of course. We're here. I'll call you when I can." Dan said as he hung up the phone and followed the crew.

"Sir, you can't come in here. We need you to go to the waiting room. Someone will bring some paper work for you to fill out and you will get an update after the doctors have looked at her." Dan heard as an arm restrained him from going further.

Dan sat in the cold hospital waiting room in an uncomfortable chair. He could not believe how the day was turning out. Blair Waldorf had overdosed. She could have died. She still could; he had no idea. As much as they disliked each other, Dan would never have wished this upon her. He couldn't get the images of Blair convulsing out of his mind. He sat there wishing there was someone he could call, someone to confide in, but he knew he couldn't share this with anyone, least of all Jenny. It made Dan so sad to be unsure how his sister would react to Blair's near death. He hoped she would be compassionate, but in light of recent events he wasn't unsure that she might use it for more social climbing.

After awhile a nurse interrupted Dan from his thought.

"Excuse me, sir, did you accompany the young lady?" She asked politely.

"Umm yes that was me."

"We have some forms for you to fill out, here. What was the patient's name?"

"Serena. Serena van der Woodsen. How is she doing? Is she okay?"

"I'm not sure, sir. I will go find out while you work on the forms."

"Thank you."

Dan started filling out the questions he knew for certain because he didn't want to call the real Serena until he had some positive news to report. He hoped it would be positive news, but regardless he had to know something before he called her back.

"Sir, Miss Van der Woodsen's stomach is being pumped. After that they will have the results analyzed before they can decide on the best treatment, unless you know what medications she was taking."

"I forget, here these are the bottles I found with the alcohol."

The nurse grabbed the bottle eyeing the prescriptions and writing down the information frantically.

"Is she currently on any prescribed medications?"

"I'm not sure, can you hold on for a second?"

Dan dialed Serena's phone number in order to get the information quickly.

"Hey…I don't know yet. Is she on any prescription medication? Lexapro. Do you know how much?" He pulled away from the phone and looked up at the nurse.

"She is on Lexapro, but we don't know how much." The nurse nodded and ran off to triage.

Dan was not aware how long he had been sitting in the chair, but he hadn't moved except to return the forms once Serena had given him the information. He was too afraid if he went to get food or anything a doctor would have come to find him and he would be missing. So, he just sat staring blankly at the wall or the television but not actually watching.

He felt a hand rest onto his shoulder for a moment and looked up from his daze.

"Hello, are you here for Miss Van der Woodsen?"

"Yes, sir, I'm Dan Humphery." He said extending his hand.

"I'm Dr. Anderson. Well, you are lucky you found the girl when you did other wise she might not have made it." He said.

"So, she is okay? Oh thank God." Dan said relieved.

"She is okay for now. We had her stomach pumped and gave her a dose of flumazenil to counteract the mixture of medications she took. Serena consumed a mixture of alcohol, citalopram, diazepam and zolpidem. All three of these are typically prescribed medications but each was overtaken and mixed with alcohol. Now she is stable, but she is currently in a coma."

"A coma?"

"Its normal after the stress her body has been through. The flumazenil injections can cause that reaction as it is an anti-benzodiazepine and it is counteracting benzodiazepine, SSRI's, and Imidazopridine. We will continue to administer bolus injections during the half life of the medications or she could begin to regress again. We will have to continue to keep her for while"

"But, when will she get out of the coma?" Dan asked worriedly

"Only time can tell. It could be days or it could be weeks. Based off of her GCS, Glasgow Coma Scale, it isn't a severe coma, but we have no way of knowing anything for sure. We are going to move Miss Van der Woodsen to the Medical Intensive Care Unit for the time being."

"Can I go see her?"

"Yes, that should be fine. She is in room 215. We will make sure to keep you updated. Are there anymore questions?"

"No, sir, thank you." Dan said finally feeling relief as he shook the doctor's hand.

Dan picked up the phone to call Serena and give her the semi good news.

Chuck was once again sitting by himself drinking. He had moved out of the Palace bar choosing a change of drinking scenery. His conversation with Blair had not gone as planned. He couldn't believe she was doing that to herself. Chuck wasn't stupid he knew she had done this before. But, he thought Blair was over it. She is so beautiful there was absolutely no reason.

_Except she is using the words I said to her as ammunition._

Chuck was interrupted by the buzzing of his cell phone.Chuck looked at his cell phone is disbelief.

**Gossip Girl: Well it looks like our former party girl was admitted into the hospital, but here's the twist, we thought S was in the Caribbean not NY. That is some family vacay!**

How could Serena be in the hospital? He had heard from his father saying they had arrived. He grabbed his phone and began to dial.

"Hello, Robert. I need the limo. We're going to the hospital." Chuck finished and ended the conversation. He was going to get to the bottom of this.

--

A/N

So what did you think? I worked hard on this so I hope it sounds real. Let me know what you think or I might just have to kill Blair off! Kidding. I would never do that. Anyway thanks so much for reading!


	7. I Didn't Understand

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Seven, I Didn't Understand

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar with Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl…

"You once talked to me about love  
And you painted pictures of a Never-Never Land  
And I could've gone to that place  
But I didn't understand"

I Didn't Understand, Elliot Smith

As soon as Chuck entered the doors of the hospital, he knew that something suspicious was going on. There was no way Serena was in New York, so Gossip Girl must have been misinformed. But, Chuck was interested in what had caused her to believe Serena was in the hospital. Was someone simply trying to ruin her reputation?

Chuck approached a nurse's station. There sat a tired-looking, unkempt woman. As he walked towards her he turned on his infamous Chuck Bass charm hoping to coax some information out of her.

"Hello, ma'am, I was wondering if you could help me locate a patient, my sister- Serena Van der Woodsen." Chuck finished smoothly giving her a flirtatious smile.

"Of course" the nurse replied running a hand through her hair in a quick attempt to smooth it out. She turned to her computer and quickly typed away on the keyboard.

"No, sir, I am sorry we don't have a patient by that name" the nurse said failing to make eye contact with Chuck.

"Are you sure? I was informed my sister was brought to this hospital."

"I'm sorry," she said looking uncomfortably.

"Well, could you tell me if she was here earlier?" Chuck asked not ready to give up.

"Sir, all I can tell you is that currently, at this time, we do not have a patient under the name Serena Van der Woodsen." She finished still not making eye contact with Chuck.

"Alright then." Chuck turned taking a few steps towards the opposite direction as the nurse looked towards him with pity.

_Where the hell is Gossip Girl coming up with this crap?_

As Chuck walked towards the exit he pulled out his cell phone; he wanted answers. When Chuck was about to press 'talk', he suddenly noticed a familiar man sitting with his head in his hand looking down, Dan Humphery.

Chuck quickly placed his cell phone back in his pocket and walked over to where he was sitting.

"Humphery, what brings you here?" Chuck demanded.

"Chuck, umm, hey Chuck. Wha-What are you doing here, at this hospital?" Dan asked nervously.

"I believe I just asked you that."

"Right, well umm, why am I here? I uh I have a sick cousin, yeah she is really sick."

"So then, the fact that you are here has nothing to do with the Gossip Girl post that was sent out saying Serena was admitted to this hospital?" Chuck asked seeing through Dan's pathetic lie.

"What? No. I mean Serena is in the Caribbean. I talked to her like twenty minutes ago, she is trying to get back here, but the Bass jet is currently occupied." Dan rambled.

"Why would she be coming back? Serena just got there."

"Umm to be with me. Yeah…this is a hard time so she is coming to be with me," Dan lied uncomfortably. He needed to leave before he admitted even more information to Chuck. He couldn't let Chuck find out about Blair. He could only imagine how pissed she would be at him, Serena, too.

"Well, I better go check on her, my cousin." Dan finished lamely as he walked to the elevator.

Chuck stood and watched the elevator stop at the second floor. He pushed the up button for the elevator and watched it come back to the first floor. Chuck got in fully intending to follow Dan.

As he stepped out of the lift he reached into his pocket looking for his phone. Chuck walked down the hall as the phone rang.

"Hello."

"Humphery."

"Chuck? You have this number, how do you have my number?"

"I have my ways." Chuck said as he tried to hear Dan's voice as he walked down the hall.

"So…I doubt you called to chat. What do you want, Chuck?"

"I was curious about what you said earlier, about Serena returning home." Chuck lied easily trying to keep Dan on the phone until he found him. "Did she say where the jet was or where they were headed?"

"No, I don't think so." Dan asked unsure why Chuck cared.

"Well, we could recall the jet to come straight to St. Martin if it really is so important."

"Really." Dan said not believing him. "Why are you willing to help?" He stepped out of the room to not bother the patients.

"I'm not." Chuck finished as he pressed 'end' on his cell phone.

"Chuck-what are you doing here." Dan asked angrily.

"Please, Humphery, don't eff with an effer. Your lie was pathetic, so I thought I would see for myself what you were hiding." Chuck walked through the door and Dan grabbed Chuck's arm.

"Chuck-don't."

But Chuck easily slipped through Dan's hold and walked into the room.

"Please Hum-"Chuck's voice caught in his throat at the sight before him, Blair lying in a hospital bed looking small and frail.

"Blair? What's wrong?" Chuck leaned forward to shake her awake so he could get some answers.

"Chuck, don't. She won't wake up; she is in a coma."

"What happened?" Chuck said his voice dripping with menace as if Dan had caused this situation himself.

"Calm down Ch-"

"No! Tell me what happened!"

Dan turned to the other patient occupied in the room and thankfully noticed that she was still sound asleep. He walked to the door and closed it shut so they could talk in private.

"I'm not completely sure. Serena asked me to go check on her because of everything going on and she was passed out. At first I thought she was asleep so I tried to wake her, but when she didn't respond…I thought she was, well, she looked so still she was pale and her lips were so blue. I called 911 and they brought her here. She overdosed." Dan said.

"Is she okay?" Chuck said as his eyes watched over Blair with worry.

"They think so. They have to continue to administer these injections to her so she doesn't have a relapse, but she is in a coma." Dan finished giving all of the information he knew.

"A coma?" Chuck was terrified. He shouldn't have left her so upset. He didn't know what to do and that scared him. How could he help Blair now?

"Yes, the doctor said she has just been through so much. She could be asleep for a couple of days. We don't really know." Chuck didn't say anything he just continued looking over Blair as if he was inspecting her for any other damage.

"Chuck, we have her under Serena's name. Serena doesn't want anyone to find out about Blair."

Chuck nodded in agreement.

"Thank you, Dan" his eyes flickered away from Blair for just a moment and Dan was left speechless unsure of what to do.

"When I came in they said there wasn't a person under the name Serena Van der Woodsen registered here." Chuck said remembering his conversation with the nurse.

"Umm yeah, because she is a suicide patient they are generally 'No Information Patients' because it is a sensitive situation they will not give out any information. That is what the nurse told me" Chuck nodded understanding.

"I'll be right back." Chuck said as he stepped out of the room walking towards the nurse's station.

"Hello, I would like to get a private room for my step-sister Serena Van der Woodsen."

The nurse didn't even look up from her work to meet Chuck's eyes.

"I'm sorry this hospital is currently very full of patient's and we don't have the space to give each individual a private room."

"I'm sure you are familiar with Bass Industries and I would hate to tell my father, Bart Bass, that perhaps it would be better for the company to make our generous donations to a more appreciative hospital."

The nurse looked up shocked at the words.

"No, sir, I am very sorry. That won't be necessary. We will have Miss Van der Woodsen moved to a private room in MICU right away."

"Thank you." Chuck said satisfied with at least being able to get Blair moved into a private room. He walked back to room 215.

"She is going to be moved to a private room"

Dan nodded unsure of what to do now that Chuck knew. At least he was being helpful Dan thought.

"Look, why don't you go home and rest. I will stay with Blair and update you on anything."

"Chuck I don't think-"

"Listen, I don't care what you or Serena think about me or what I did. I regret it. I shouldn't have said it and I hate myself for it. But, I will not leave her now. Do you understand?" Chuck looked at Dan with a ferocity that Dan knew better than to test.

"Okay."

"Thank you for staying with her." Chuck said as he turned his attention back to Blair.

Dan nodded as walked out of the room.

_Great now I have to tell Serena that Chuck knows._

--

Chuck sat in the new room. He moved the chair so he was sitting as close as he could possibly sit next to Blair. Visiting hours had ended a couple of hours earlier but he knew that the nurses would not dare tell him to leave.

_Once Blair leaves the hospital healthy, I will tell Bart to double the yearly donation._

He held her hand as he looked over her. Chuck hadn't left her side for a minute.

He leaned over her resting his head on her forehead.

"Blair, I am so sorry for everything. Baby, just come back to me. I didn't mean any of the things I said to you. I was scared. I just knew you would pick Nathaniel over me and I wanted you to pick me." Chuck whispered so softly into her hair. His voice was overcome with emotion that the words were becoming difficult to get across.

"The truth is, Blair, I've wanted you for as long as I can remember. But, you were always Nathaniel's and then for a little while you wanted me. And it meant the world to me, to have you the way I had always dreamed of being with you. I know I did some stupid things but it was because I was scared of losing you, and scared of letting you know how much you matter to me."

"I love you, Blair Waldorf. I'm sorry for letting you down. I will never do that again. I promise." Chuck said as he brought his lips and placed a small kiss on her forehead.

As Chuck rested his head on hers he suddenly thought back to the fairly tales that Blair had always loved as a child. He remembered prince charming bringing the princess back from death with a kiss-Sleeping Beauty or Snow White- he couldn't remember. He cupped her face with his hand as he optimistically brought his lips down to hers.

The sudden loud beeping of the heart monitor interrupted Chuck's thoughts of continuing the kiss. He looked at the machine and saw that her heart rate had dramatically increased and then gone back to normal just as quickly. Chuck looked down at Blair who was sleeping peacefully. He sighed and decided to try the kiss again. Blair always dreamt of prince charming saving her, right?

As his lips descended on to Blair's lips again the heart monitor beeped loudly. Chuck smiled as he realized his kiss was causing Blair's heart fate to flutter.

_So maybe she didn't wake up, but that definitely has to be a sign! _

Chuck leaned back into the chair still holding Blair's hand. He was going to try and get a few hours of sleep. When Serena arrived in the morning she wouldn't be pleased with him, but there was no way Chuck would be forbidden to stay with Blair.

_Please let her be okay._

--

A/N

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know that took way too long to get out. I've been going back and forth between how I want this story to pan out. There is a shorter version and a longer version and finally I just decided to put up this for now and maybe some feedback can inspire me to decide. Do you like how the story is going? Would you be willing to put up with a longer story or should I start winding it down? Let me know as well as any suggestions you have. Again I am so sorry this took so long.

Also, THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed. Thanks so much for your advice or suggestions. As per hospital policies, I know they very depending on the hospital, but I am basing this off of the hospital I work at.

You guys are great. I hope you are enjoying the story.


	8. Nobody Talking Now

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Eight, Nobody Talking Now

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar with Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl…

"But I wouldn't have you how you want

How come you're not ashamed of what you are?

And sorry that you're the one she got?

Ain't nobody talking now

Nobody nothing's said

No one's about to shout

Nobody's seeing red"

Southern Belle, Elliot Smith

Chuck sat uncomfortably in the chair watching the sun shining in through the blinds. She still hadn't woken and Chuck was beginning to become impatient. He wanted to be there when she finally woke up. He wanted to tell her everything that he had already confessed while she slept.

The doctors had already been in to check on her in the morning. They wouldn't divulge too much information since the patient was a minor and not an immediate family member.

Chuck shifted in the chair. He hadn't slept more than a few hours. He ran a hand through his tousled hair. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Now that he finally understood his feelings and was ready to tell Blair everything it was agony to not be able to see her smile and her eyes well up at his words.

How long would she be like this? He dreaded the answer to that question. Chuck kept hoping that in a few minutes Blair would wake up, and of course, she would be angry at him. She might even try and throw him out of the room, but Chuck would win her over. He smirked at the thought. Winning Blair over had its rewards, very enticing rewards.

For now he waited. Because Blair was his and it didn't matter how long he had to wait. She was worth it.

A knock interrupted his thought. He turned expecting to see another nurse or orderly coming in to check on Blair, but was surprised to see Harold Waldorf. Chuck stood out of courtesy.

"Mr. Waldorf" he said with a nod of his head.

"Charles, how is she? Serena called and told me what happened. I took the first flight I could get out."

"The same. We are still waiting for her to wake up. Is Mrs. Waldorf here as well?" Chuck asked.

"No, she will be arriving tomorrow evening. Some meeting she couldn't get out of." He said frowning at the thought of Eleanor's decision to not return home immediately. Chuck knew what Eleanor was like, but still couldn't believe she hadn't come. He understood Blair's problems with Eleanor. She and Bart weren't going to win 'Parent of the Year' awards anytime soon. It was something the two had always been able to bond over. Chuck nodded in understanding.

Harold walked to Blair's sleeping form and bent down to kiss her cheek.

"Hi Blair-bear." He said as he stoked her cheek. Then he turned to Chuck and placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you so much for staying with Blair." Chuck nodded his head, no thanks were needed. He wanted to be there.

"Would you mind giving me sometime alone with my daughter?"

"Of course not, sir. I will just go sit in the waiting room maybe get a cup of coffee."

"Have you been her since yesterday?" He asked already knew the answer after seeing Chuck's appearance.

"Since as soon as I found out."

"Why don't you go home and get some rest? Come back in a couple of hours."

"Of course. Is it alright if I stop by the penthouse and pick up a few of Blair's things? I'm sure she would much rather be in her clothes than the hospital gown when she wakes."

"Yes. Thank you." Mr. Waldorf gave a small smile at Charles actions.

_He's becoming quite the gentleman_

"Alright, Mr. Waldorf. I will see you soon. Could you let me know if she wakes?" Chuck said as he walked out of the room and Mr. Waldorf nodded in response. He closed the door shut sensing Mr. Waldorf, a distinguished man, would want his privacy in this emotional time.

--

Serena tapped her fingers impatiently. Her plane had just landed and she was ready to get to Blair. She needed to see for herself that her best friend was okay. The town car couldn't seem to go fast enough for her taste. She began to feel her phone vibrate in her pocket.

"Hello"

"Hey, Serena, I was just checking to see if you were here."

"I just landed and I am on my way to the hospital right now, Dan."

"Okay, I will head over and meet you at the hospital." He said wanting to be there for Serena.

"How is she doing?"

"Well I haven't seen her since early yesterday evening." Dan said knowing he was going to have to confess about Chuck finding out about Blair.

"She's been by herself all this time?" Serena asked worriedly.

"No, not by herself."

"Dan," she said in her warning tone. "Who is with her?"

"Chuck. He showed up at the hospital because of the gossip girl blast. He followed me and saw her."

"Why did you let him stay?"

"Serena, he cares about her."

"Really, after everything he has put her through? He needs to stay away from her. That is what is best for her."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I just want him away from her. I don't want him to hurt her again." Serena was worried about what other damage he would cause.

"Alright, Serena, I'll see you at the hospital in a few." Dan said as he made his way to the front door.

Jenny Humphrey listened to the words she heard her brother utter as she searched for her things. Jenny was about to leave to meet Nate, but became distracted by the conversation. She had just assumed that Gossip Girl was wrong, but Dan was visiting her in the hospital? This was definitely something she needed to look into. Anything that could keep her in Penelope and Hazel's good graces was important to consider.

"Where are you going to?" Jenny asked hoping to find something out.

"To see Serena." He said not really thinking about Jenny's questioning.

"I thought she was on vacation with Erik?"

"She came back early. Well I got to run, Jen, I will see you later."

Dan walked out the door before she could ask anymore questions. This was getting to be hard on Dan. Jenny watched him leave and vowed to find out some how.

--

When Serena arrived into Blair's room she found Mr. Waldorf sitting with his daughter reading aloud to her. She smiled sadly. She had been frantic to get a hold of Blair's parents. Mr. Waldorf had been easy, as soon as she broke the news he had said he would be on the very next flight to New York. Mrs. Waldorf had been another story entirely. She had called several times but been very unable to get through. She had left countless messages with Laurel to call her back because it was urgent. Serena couldn't leave her a message saying 'come home Blair overdosed'. Finally, it had been Mr. Waldorf who had gotten through to Eleanor, but she was too busy to make it back for her daughter. She cringed at the thought of how Eleanor would most likely react.

"Hello, Mr. Waldorf." Serena smiled pushing all thoughts of Eleanor out of her mind.

"Serena, hello." Harold responding standing to give Serena a hug.

"Thank you for everything you have done for my Blair-bear. You and Chuck have been great." Serena lost her smile at the mention of his name.

"I got here as soon as I could. I've been so worried. What have the doctors said?" Serena asked as she took a seat across from Mr. Waldorf.

"They say she is doing fine. We just need to wait for her to wake up. The medications are still in her system because of the high dosage of Valium she took. They have to keep administering the antidote for a few days. "

"I hope she wakes up soon."

"What is going on with her Serena?" Harold's eyes showed his concern. Serena was unsure of what to say. She couldn't tell him about the drama in her best friend's life: losing her virginity to Chuck, sleeping with Nate, the pregnancy scare, and the gossip girl scandal.

"I don't know." She lied. "I should have been with there though."

"You have been, Serena, you have been." He gave her a sad smile.

"Are you planning on staying here for a while, Serena?"

"If that's fine with you, I would like to."

"Of course. I was hoping you would, so I could go home and freshen up, maybe grab a quick bite to eat. The flight from Paris was quite long."

"Of course I'll stay."

"Call me if there is any change?"

"Yes, sir."

As Mr. Waldorf walked out of the room after giving Blair another kiss, Serena's phone vibrated in her pocket again. She looked at the name on the screen a bit surprised.

"Nate?" she asked and listened to what he had to say.

"Yes, I am back in New York. I'm at the hospital actually. Look there's something you need to know. Can you meet me here, room 236?" She asked thinking Nate needed to know.

"Thanks Nate. See you soon." Serena said as she closed her phone.

"Who was that?" Dan asked as he listened to the end of her conversation.

"Dan, hey" Serena responded as she stood up to hug Dan.

"It was Nate. I think he needs to know what is going on with Blair." Serena said trying to reassure herself that she had made the right decision.

"Really? I thought you were going to keep it quite, and I thought Nate was furious at Blair." Dan asked thinking involving Nate was a bad idea.

"He cares about Blair. I know he does. He was just mad, but Blair needs people who really care about her. Not people like Chuck Bass." Serena finished justifying her decision.

"Okay." Dan said not wanting to start a fight, but he wasn't sure Chuck Bass was the person to be worried about.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Neither really knew what to say. The last 24 hours had been so hectic. It was very lucky that Dan had gotten there when he did. Blair might not have made it other wise. Serena was upset at herself for leaving Blair alone. She should have known better. After a few more minutes two visitors knocked on the door.

Serena looked towards the open door at Nate Archibald and Jenny Humphrey.

"Nate, you brought Jenny with you?" Serena asked shocked. She never would have imagined he would have brought someone with him.

"Yeah, we were together and I you kind of freaked me out on the phone. I thought I should get here as quick as possible. What is going on Serena?" Nate asked as he entered the room with Jenny following behind.

His eyes feel onto Blair's form. He wasn't sure how to react. His first instinct was to run to her side, but then he remembered her actions; she had slept with Chuck. His innocent girlfriend, untouched and pure had given into Chuck. But, now she was in the hospital.

"What happened?" Worry won out in his head.

Serena and Dan looked at each other and then at Jenny.

"What happened to Blair?" He repeated louder.

Serena stood up and with her hand gestured to lower his voice. She wasn't sure what to do now that Jenny was in the room, but now that she knew something was going on they had to tell her something.

"Close the door and keep your voice down and we'll explain." Serena said breathing in as she made her decision. Jenny wanted in their world, but she wasn't a terrible person, she wouldn't use this to further her status Serena reasoned.

"I don't really know where to start. I mean I know she hasn't been doing well, but I never knew it was this bad. I thought maybe she was doing a little better, otherwise I would never have left Blair by herself." Serena said still partly blaming herself for this situation.

"I'm not exactly sure what happened and we won't know until she wakes up. She is in a coma."

"You can't say anything to anyone. Promise?" Serena said directing her words towards Jenny.

"We wouldn't do that." Nate said immediately and Jenny nodded her head meekly.

"How" he demanded as Jenny crept closer to Nate taking his hand in hers.

"She overdosed on anti-depressants, pain killers, and alcohol." Dan finished after Serena was unable to get the words out.

Nate let go of Jenny's hand and walked towards Blair. He gently pushed back the hair form her face and examined her sleeping form.

"Oh Blair" he said as Jenny glared at the scene unhappily.

"How long ago did this happen?"

"I found her yesterday late afternoon." Dan saw his sister looking upset. He still wasn't sure it was wise to tell her too much.

"Hey, Jen, maybe we should go home. Give Serena and Nate some time alone with their friend." Dan finished. She glared in reply.

"Yeah, thanks Dan." Nate said not taking his eye's off of Blair.

He gave his goodbyes to Serena and Nate and then gently guided Jenny out who had yet to utter a word. She was upset that Nate had forgotten her so quickly.

--

The elevator doors of the Waldorf penthouse opened and a freshly showered Chuck Bass entered. He looked around the living area as he walked in and noticed his discarded jacket lying on the chair. He made a mental note to grab it as he left. He slowly made his way to Blair's bed room saddened by his mission. He wanted to grab a few of her things so she would be more comfortable. He couldn't bare the thought of Blair Waldorf in a cheap synthetic hospital gown. His eye's turned to her bed. He could see an empty bottle of Chivas Royal Salute, and he sighed. The pattern of Chuck's scarf against Blair's silk sheets stood out sharply. He cursed when he saw his scarf and went to pick it up. His visit, his words, he had made this happen.

He couldn't do this right now. No matter how angry he was at himself he had to keep it together for Blair. Chuck turned to her closet to grab a few of her things and then leave to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

How had everything changed so much in 24 hours?

--

"Do you mind giving me a few minutes alone with Blair?" Serena smiled and nodded her head at Nate's words. She knew he would come around.

"How about I go grab some coffees. Do you want one, Nate?"

"Thanks."

Nate looked at his former girlfriend. He hadn't realized that his actions would have this affect on her.

_She must really love me._

He waited until Serena left the room and lowered his face closer to hers. He felt silly talking to Blair while in a coma, but he had things he needed to get off his chest.

"I'm sorry, Blair. I overreacted. You and I had broken up, and I shouldn't have been upset with you for sleeping with Chuck. It's just that I trusted him. I can't believe he would have taken advantage of the situation. You probably weren't in any position to be able to make a decision. I was being stupid, Blair because of all of the drama with my family. I think we should both just leave everything in the past, Blair, and start over. I know this is all Chuck's fault" Nate felt much better about the situation as he pushed all of the blame onto Chuck.

Nate thought about his history with Blair. They had dated for so long, and she had always stood by him. He knew now how she must have felt when he admitted his affair with Serena. How had he failed to notice how perfect Blair was? He should have never picked Serena over Blair.

"I love you, Blair."

Nate reached out for Blair's hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss.

Chuck watched through the doorway in horror. He couldn't believe this was happening.

"What are you doing here, Chuck?" Serena asked with resentment. Nate's head snapped up at the mention of his name.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Nate demanded.

"I came to see Blair." Chuck said eyeing Nate while Serena walked to join Nate.

"Well, I think you should leave." Serena said.

"I think you should leave before I make you leave!" Nate added standing up.

"Please," Chuck said waving off the threat. "I have as much right to be here as either of you."

"No I don't think you do, Chuck." Serena began. "I think you used Blair like all the other sluts you screw around with and messed up her relationship with Nate."

"I didn't do anything to her relationship with Nate. He was the one who said he didn't want her. I'm the one who cared for her."

"Oh you cared about her? Is that why you slept with her the same night I broke up with her? Is that why you told Gossip Girl, because it was you, Chuck, wasn't it?" Nate demanded.

Chuck couldn't respond. He had done that. The one act that had catapulted this terrible situation for Blair.

"You sick son of a bitch! It wasn't enough what you had already done? You had to ruin her in everyone else's eyes, too!"

"Yes, Nathaniel like you stayed faithfully by her side! I do recall you saying you wanted nothing to do with her! Why do you care all of a sudden?"

"I love her! Something you will never understand! And I don't have to explain myself to you!"

"You only pretended to love her! You were always too busy fawning over Serena to even notice Blair. I am the one who noticed her! I was there for her when you weren't. Always remember she slept with me first!" Chuck said icily.

Nate saw red at Chuck's words. He lunged towards Chuck shoving him against the wall. His fist connected with Chuck's face as he yelled, "I trusted you! You were my best friend!"

Chuck tried pushing Nate off. Serena advanced towards to the two nervously.

"Guys stop it now!" she yelled.

"I don't want to fight you, Nate."

"Know the best man will win? Because I am the best man for Blair and you know it!"

Chuck lost his temper at that statement. It struck a cord which he always worried about.

_Is Nathaniel better for Blair than I am? _

Before he could think Chuck punched Nate hitting his nose.

"Stop it! I will call security and have both of you thrown out!" Serena threatened.

She pushed her way in between the two former friends. The two glared at each other over through Serena.

"Chuck, leave."

"This isn't over. I will come back." He said looking at the two. "I brought some of her things." he added pointing to the bag he had brought.

He walked out of the room without another glance. He brought his hand to his upper cheek. He knew he would be developing a black eye soon. Chuck didn't care about what Serena or Nate thought. He belonged with Blair. All he had to do was make her see that.

**Gossip Girl: Looks like Little J has been hanging out with her brother instead of N. Did he lose interest already? You haven't even got him Little J, you might need to step up your game. Also C sporting a new black eye, who are you fighting with now C? **

--

Reviews are love! Thanks for the feedback!


	9. You Tell Me

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Nine, You Tell Me

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar with Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl…

"It's always been wait and see  
A happy day and then you'll pay  
And feel like shit the morning after  
But now I feel changed around  
And instead of falling down  
I'm standing up the morning after  
Situations get fucked up and turned around sooner or later  
I could be another fool or an exception to the rule  
You tell me the morning after"

Say Yes, Elliot Smith

It was ten till nine and the visiting hours of the hospital were about to end. Chuck walked confidently towards Blair's room. He knew he wouldn't be stopped. He also knew that neither Serena nor Nate would have the courage to stand up to the nurses and let them know that they would not be leaving for the night. Chuck carried a large bouquet of hot pink hydrangeas adorned with white roses.

As he entered her room he noticed the occupied chair.

"Mr. Waldorf." He greeted.

"Charles, I see you've returned for another sleep over? I'm glad to know Blair won't be alone." He assured Chuck comforted by the thought of someone watching over his daughter.

"Well it seems your flowers have out done mine." Harold teased seeing the magnificent bouquet Chuck was carrying in. He placed the flowers on a small table next to Harold's bouquet of Casablana Lilies.

"Any change?" Chuck asked hopefully, but Mr. Waldorf shook his head.

"What happened to your eye?" Mr. Waldorf asked with a mixture of concern and suspicion.

Chuck raised a hand to his eye knowing it didn't look pretty.

"Nothing, Sir, just a misunderstanding."

"Hmm, Nate had a bloody nose earlier today. Odd how these misunderstandings seem to be happening." Mr. Waldorf knew something was going on between Nate and Chuck, but he wasn't quite sure what. He had always noticed Chuck looking at his daughter longingly, and he also knew that Blair was no longer with Nate.

Chuck didn't want to discuss the matter with Blair's father. He wished Nate would be honest with himself. Nate didn't know what he wanted, but Chuck did, and it was Blair. Maybe once Nate understood how much Chuck cared for Blair he would be happy for them, but until then Chuck was not going to go away without a fight.

"Well, sir, I will be sure to call if there is any change with Blair." Chuck said in an attempt to change the subject.

"Thank you, Charles. I will see you in the morning." He said shaking Chuck's hand as he left.

Chuck sat down looking at Blair. She was in her own nightgown still sleeping soundly. Chuck had tried to find the most conservative ones possible. He didn't want any of the male nurses or orderlies getting a look at his Blair. Earlier in the morning, when they came to bathe Blair he had refused. The male nurse had been shocked, but a female nurse had come in his place and Chuck waited outside of the room for a few minutes. He would much rather do it himself, but wasn't sure how Blair would feel about that when she woke up.

His eyes kept closing on their own accord. Chuck would catch himself dozing and then force himself to wake up. He wanted to watch Blair's eyes as they fluttered open for the first time. He could sleep later. In the early morning, Chuck stood up and covered her with another blanket. The room had become a bit chilly and although she wouldn't notice the temperature he didn't want her to be cold. As he was tucking the blanket around her shoulders he heard her sigh softly and his eyes snapped to her face. Her hand which had just been tucked into the blankets escaped from the covers to rub the sleep from her eyes. Chuck watched and his voice caught in his throat.

"Blair?" he asked timidly.

Her eyes instantly opened at the sound of his voice. Before she could say anything, Chuck leaned over her and wrapped his arms around her body crushing her against him and pulling her into a sitting position.

"Thank God, Blair. We've been so worried. You're awake, you're finally awake." He said excitedly.

Blair smiled into Chuck's shoulder confused. What was going on? But if she was in Chuck's arms it couldn't be bad.

She looked around the room and noticed the off white color walls, the generic art work, and the cold emptiness of the room. She was in a hospital. Her forehead crinkled as she thought about the events of the previous day, and suddenly she remembered the panic she had felt and the need to calm down. How many pills had she had taken? What had happened?

Blair tensed and pulled away from Chuck's embrace. He looked into her eyes and could see her confusion and embarrassment. He gently cupped her face with one hand.

"Why don't I call the nurse in so they can check in on you? You've been asleep for over a day and a half." He said trying to give her a bit of an explanation. He reached over to the remote on the other side of her bed and pressed the call button.

Blair was cringing because she didn't know what to do. She hated people seeing her when she looked so weak, and here was Chuck Bass of all people. She looked around the room nervously and noticed the flowers. There were two beautiful arrangements of flowers, Casablanca Lilies, and hydrangeas, her favorite. Chuck saw her gazing at the flowers.

"Your father and I thought some flowers might brighten the room a little." He said lamely. "He brought you the lilies." Chuck said and at the mention of Blair's father he pulled out his phone to let Mr. Waldorf know Blair was awake.

"I should call him." He said and Blair turned to look at him.

"He's here?"

"Yes, he got in yesterday morning."

"What about my mother?" Blair asked, and his heart sank. Blair always wanted her mother's approval, what child didn't? Chuck still couldn't believe Mrs. Waldorf wasn't back in New York yet. She hadn't even been calling to check in on her condition.

"She's not here, but she is on her way." Chuck responded sadly.

"It's probably better that way." Blair said looking away again.

"Mr. Waldorf? Blair just woke up." It was all the conversation that was needed before Mr. Waldorf promised to be on his way.

The nurse walked into the room and eyed the patient.

"Well, Miss Van der Woodsen it seems you are finally awake." She smiled and Blair turned to look at Chuck very confused.

"Yes, Serena woke up a few minutes ago." Chuck said looking directly at Blair.

"Alright, well let me go get the doctor. He should be back in a few minutes."

Chuck waited until the nurse left to give Blair the explanation she was waiting for.

"Serena?" she asked.

"Humphrey gave them her name when he brought you in. It was Serena's idea to protect you from more people finding out." He finished the sentence knowing it would only cause many more.

"Cabbage Patch brought me? What? How many people know?" Blair began to panic.

"Blair, calm down." Chuck noticed Blair was beginning to stress out. "Serena asked him to check on you because you weren't answering you phone, and it's a good thing he did because you were pretty far gone. He called Serena and she got home as soon as she could to be with you. Your parents know of course. And Nathaniel." He finished not wanting to add the last name.

"Nate? Nate knows." She said dread flooding her eyes. "How?"

"I'm not sure." Chuck responding but figuring Serena had been meddling.

"How did you find out? Did Serena tell you?" Blair asked surprised Chuck was here to begin with.

"I knew something was going on and found Dan with you."

"Dan?" Blair asked still confused.

"He saved you, Blair. He gave you CPR and called the ambulance. He even stayed with you in the hospital until I took over." Chuck said feeling admiration for everything Dan had done for Blair.

Chuck watched Blair for her reactions. She was avoiding making eye contact. He knew she didn't want to talk about the situation. Blair hated the fact that anyone had witnessed her downfall. He didn't want to press the issue, but he had to know. It was killing him not knowing what she had been thinking.

"What happened Blair?" Chuck asked with a concerned voice.

"I don't want to talk about it." Blair responded looking back at the flowers.

_It just figures Chuck would know my favorite flower. _

"Blair, tell me. When can get through this together. Just let me help you."

The doctor knocked on the door before entering. Chuck stood up and looked at Blair.

"We can talk about this later. I'll be waiting outside if you need me." He said before walking out of the room to give Dr. Anderson and Blair some privacy.

As he sat in the hall outside of her room, he picked up his phone, again. As much as he didn't want to call her, he knew she would want to know. Chuck also hoped that had the situation been reversed she would have called him. Chuck put his selfishness aside and thought of Blair's best interest as he dialed the phone number.

He listened to the phone ring.

"Serena. She's awake."

Serena jumped out of her bed in excitement. Blair was finally awake! She grabbed a pair of jeans and jumped into them. She didn't care what she looked like; she just wanted to get to Blair. Serena hadn't responded to Chuck, she had just dropped the phone. She was so excited and so thankful that he had called. She couldn't believe he had actually called to let her know. If Serena had been there she wouldn't have called Chuck, well maybe she would now. Chuck was acting different, acting like he cared. Serena wasn't sure yet whether or not she or Blair could trust him, but for now she supposed the two could have a truce. Blair would get to decide how she felt about Chuck, and Serena would agree with that decision unconditionally.

When Serena arrived at the hospital she found Mr. Waldorf and Chuck waiting outside of Blair's room.

"What's going on?" Serena asked worriedly.

"The doctor is just running a few tests to make sure she is okay." Mr. Waldorf said smiling warmly. "It should be just a few more minutes."

Serena took a seat with the other two. She looked at Chuck's profile. He looked like he hadn't slept at all. He must have stayed the night she assumed after noticing the clothes he had been wearing the day before.

"Thank you for calling me, Chuck." Chuck nodded his head in response.

Dr. Anderson walked out of the room.

"Well, the patient seems to be doing just fine. I would still like to keep her for another day merely for observation, and we will be scheduling an appointment for the patient, but she can explain all of that to you."

"May we go in?" Serena asked the doctor.

"Of course, but it's best not to overwhelm her all at once."

Mr. Waldorf rose to his feet to go greet his daughter leaving Serena and Chuck alone.

"Did you call Nate yesterday?" Chuck asked looking straight ahead in his seat.

"Yes, Blair needs people who care for her right now." Serena said as she turned to look at Chuck. Her words angered him and he turned to look at her.

"_I_ care about Blair. I didn't create this situation all on my own, you know."

"Chuck, What I know is that I trusted you when I told you about Blair being pregnant. I didn't think you would use it against her."

"Look I made mistake, much like Nate sleeping with you and Blair lying about our relationship. Why do I get turned into the villain?"

"Just because you care for her doesn't mean you are good for her. It's Blair's choice. If she wants you in her life, fine, just as long as you promise never to hurt her again. But, if she doesn't want you around I guarantee I will do everything I can to keep you away from her."

"I didn't mean to hurt either of them. I wouldn't have jeopardized my relationship with Nate if it wasn't serious."

"You don't need to explain that to me, Chuck. You should talk to Nate."

"Yes, because that has worked out so well the last couple of times we've seen each other."

"He's hurting too." Serena said knowing Nate had been upset by the situation. It was easiest to blame Chuck for the entire mess, although it had truly been the three friends together who had made this mess.

Mr. Waldorf came out of the room to find Serena and Chuck.

"Well, she seems to be doing well. I thought one of you might like a chance to talk to her."

Serena stood up before Chuck could get to his feet. He looked at her not wanting to concede his opportunity of talking to Blair.

"What? You got to talk to her when she woke up. I'll be quick." Serena said as Chuck rolled his eyes.

Mr. Waldorf sat down beside Chuck. Mr. Waldorf looked as though he had something on his mind.

"Blair tells me she is no longer dating Nate." Chuck visibly tensed. Discussing Blair's relationships with her father was not something he was on board for.

"I've also noticed that you've been spending a lot of time here, Chuck." Mr. Waldorf said and Chuck knew what he was implying.

"We're not dating, sir." Chuck said looking away.

"Blair has always liked to make things complicated. She wants her Hollywood happy ending. Be patient, and you will win her over." Mr. Waldorf said as he patted Chuck's shoulder.

Chuck was speechless. Was Mr. Waldorf giving Chuck Bass his blessing to date his daughter?

"I don't think she'll forgive me. I did something stupid." Chuck said looking crestfallen.

"If you want a chance with her you can't give up." Mr. Waldorf smiled knowing his daughter well. "But don't worry, I'm sure she will make you make it up to her." He stood up and looked at Chuck on last time.

"Now, if you'll excuse me. Eleanor should be arriving soon and I agreed to meet her at the airport. We should be back in a couple of hours, but I know I am leaving Blair in capable hands."

Chuck sat in shock at the conversation he had just had with Mr. Waldorf. Did he really think he was a better choice for Blair than Nate? The thought gave Chuck more confidence for the conversation he was going to have with Blair as soon as Serena left her side.

_I'll be quick, my ass._

After a few more minutes, Serena finally emerged from the hospital room.

"She's asking for you." Serena said as she walked down the hall of the hospital.

Chuck felt his stomach flutter as he walked in. He had so much to get off of his chest, but he had no idea how much Blair would actually let him get out. He smiled as he saw Blair sitting up in her bed. She had brushed out her hair in a quick attempt to look more presentable, but Chuck thought she looked beautiful.

"Hey." He said nervously as he sat down in the chair next to her bed.

"Chuck, I just wanted to thank you for the flowers and for staying at the hospital with me. It was unnecessary." She said very formally not allowing herself to look at him.

Chuck was confused by her reaction. What was she playing at? She had been furious the last time they saw each other, and he knew Blair would be embarrassed that he was there.

"I just think it is best if we stay away from each other, Chuck." She said in a quiet voice.

"What, Blair? Common, I'm sorry for what I did. I was upset and hurt and it was stupid." Chuck rambled not liking Blair's resolved attitude.

"Don't you see, Chuck, that's all we do is hurt each other." Blair said as emotion overtook her voice.

"That's because we were both scheming and hiding behind everyone's back. It would be different-''

"No it wouldn't be, Chuck. Just because you want it to work doesn't mean it will."

Chuck couldn't form the words to make her understand, but a kiss, a kiss would change everything. She couldn't deny the spark they always felt when their lips touched, the passion and adoration would be obvious. Chuck stood up and sat on the edge next to Blair's bed. He leaned towards her and gently turned her face to meet his and kissed her lips ever so gently. For a second Blair let herself give in to the kiss. She melted into the gentleness of it, but then she remembered her resolve. She couldn't do this. She needed to get Chuck out. Blair knew the words that she could say to get him to leave her room.

"Stop-Chuck-stop!" She yelled. "You did this! You caused this! You're killing me, Chuck! Can't you leave me alone? You're destroying me! I don't want you in my life, so please, just leave me alone!" She said as tears rolled down her eyes.

Chuck looked at her, hurt washing over him. He studied her for a few seconds.

"You're lying."

"You're not good enough for me, Chuck! Won't you ever understand that I belong to the Nate Archibalds of the world? You'll never compare." Blair whispered as she looked away. She couldn't bear to see the pain in his eyes.

"Please-just go."

Chuck watched as Blair tried to muffle her cries. He didn't know what to say. She was right, he could never compare to Nate.

"Blair, if you truly want Nate, if you do love him, tell me and I will go. I will leave you alone."

"I do." He faintly heard the words breathed out of her mouth. With that Chuck took a few steps out of the door. When Blair heard the loud slam of the door she turned to stare at where Chuck had just walked out. She began to sob uncontrollably.

It was better this way, really it was, she told herself. Eventually, he would notice her flaws. Chuck would notice that she really wasn't beautiful. He would tire of her as he did all his other whores, and she would be left broken hearted. It was better she end it before she became even more attached to Chuck. It was too painful to think of losing Chuck after getting to truly have him.

Blair hated herself for the things she had said to Chuck. She knew what would hurt him the most and exploited it. But, Chuck could find someone now, someone who was good enough for him, someone worthy of being with Chuck Bass. Because Blair Waldorf most certainly was not.

**Gossip Girl: N spotted carrying an enormous arrangement of pink roses? Who is the lucky girl N? We know its not little J, not anymore. It appears former Queen B has jumped off the radar. Can't hide forever B. Until next time, you know you love me! XoXo!**

--

A/N

So, she is finally awake! I think you all would have hated me if I left her in the coma any longer. Anyway, thank you so much for the reviews! Please tell me what you think!


	10. You Could Be Happy

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Ten, You Could Be Happy

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar after talking to Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl…

"You could be happy and I won't know  
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said  
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were  
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure  
I should have stopped you from walking out the door"

You Could be Happy, Snow Patrol

Tears were still running in Blair's head as she though of every terrible things she had said to Chuck.

'_You did this! You caused this! You're killing me, Chuck!'_

Blair knew that Chuck would be blaming himself for what happened, and she fed on his fear. If Blair blamed Chuck for this then Chuck would hold himself accountable.

The truth was Blair hadn't planned on killing herself. She just wanted to calm down. All of the thoughts in her mind were driving her crazy. She couldn't shake the words Chuck had told her. Blair had always been painfully aware of her imperfections, but Chuck knew them too and that had scared her.

'_Compared to Serena's beauty no one will ever notice you.'_

Blair knew Serena was the true beauty. She sparkled. She was warmth and sunshine and simply being around her one could feel the happiness she exuded. But, Blair was a cold beauty. She was a person someone would admire from afar but feared getting too close. Blair's beauty was icy and unmoving.

'_Blair, you disgust me.'_

Blair had tried for so long to be perfect but now trying had become too exhausting. She couldn't keep up. In Blair's mind, she truly believed if she pushed Chuck away she would protect herself.

But, it was better this way. If she didn't end it now, she would end up hurting so much more when ever Chuck did leave her because eventually he would break her heart. In her attempt to get him to leave, she said the words she most feared to hear.

'_You're not good enough for me'_

Blair didn't need to see the pain that was spread across Chuck's face when he left to know he was hurt. Blair's words had come true, all they did was hurt each other.

--

Serena came into the room interrupting Blair's thoughts. She had spent the previous day in the hospital under the watchful eye of the doctors and nurses and finally received their blessing to leave. The only problem was that both Harold and Eleanor had pressing matters to return to in France. The Waldorfs had spoken to Lily Van der Woodsen to see if they would allow Blair to stay with them until Eleanor could return. Harold also promised to visit again as soon as things settled with his business.

"Hey, B. Are you glad to get to leave?" Serena said smiling softly at her friend. Serena's eyes were still filled with worry. Blair had yet to discuss the situation with anyone except her therapist. Serena wasn't going to push Blair; she would talk when she was ready.

"Serena, please stop looking at me like that." Blair said getting agitated.

"Like what, Blair?" Serena asked confused.

"Like I'm going to break at any moment." Serena tightened her lips. She wanted to help, but if Blair didn't tell her what was going on she never would be able to do anything.

"I'm sorry, Blair. I'm just worried about you. You know I love you, B." Serena said honestly.

"I didn't do it on purpose. I mean I wasn't trying to kill myself. I just wanted everything to go away. I wanted all of my problems to disappear. The pills were there and I just kept taking them until I finally calmed down." Serena sat down on the side of Blair' bed and embraced her best friend.

"I'm so sorry, Blair. It will get better, I promise. And, you know what? I think Nate realizes what a huge mistake he made breaking up with you. I know he came by here. Gossip Girl said he brought roses? Very romantic." Serena said trying to change the topic to a more upbeat conversation.

"He did come by with the flowers. It was really sweet. He apologized for everything. But, I don't know, Serena. I don't know if Nate and I are really right for each other."

"Oh Blair, you know he is your prince." Serena said smiling. "You two are destined to be together."

"But, then there was everything with Chuck…"

"Okay, so you made a mistake. That doesn't mean you have to give up because you slept with Chuck Bass. I mean it's not like you cared about him. You two were just sleeping with each other."

"No, Serena. We were never just sleeping with each other. At least for me, I know I cared about him. I still do. I wouldn't have lost my virginity to him if I didn't care about him."

"Blair, I thought you told me you wanted nothing to do with Chuck Bass."

Serena was very confused. The previous day she had walked in to find Blair in a fit of tears. She wouldn't discuss anything, except that she never wanted to talk to Chuck again.

"Everything between Chuck and I is so difficult. I don't know what I want." Blair said sounding defeated.

"B, only you can know how you feel." Serena said trying to be as supportive as possible.

"I just feel like with me and Chuck it could never work. We just hurt each other too much." Blair responded thinking about all of the hurtful things they had said to each other.

"Well, okay then. So, Nathaniel Archibald has been looking pretty hot lately…" Serena said going back to her previous match making attempts. Blair had always been in love with Nate, maybe if they got back together everything would be all right again. Serena wanted her to be happy.

--

Jenny Humphrey walked through the Archibald residence uncomfortably. Nate had not returned any of her calls since they had discovered Blair in the hospital, and she was getting worried. Nate was her key to staying in Penelope and Hazel's good graces. As long as she was with Nate Archibald she had clout. Although, Jenny and Nate weren't really together, but Jenny was hoping soon she could change that, until Blair had ruined everything.

"Nate, hey." She said knocking on the door. "The maid let me in. I hope it is okay."

"Oh hey Jenny. What's up?" He asked surprised that she had come by.

"Oh nothing, I just wanted to see what you were up to. You haven't returned any of my calls." She said trying to sound nonchalant and failing.

"Yeah, sorry. A lot has been going on." Nate said looking around his room for his wallet and keys.

"Oh yeah with Blair? Is everything okay?" Jenny asked hoping to find out anymore information she could use against Blair.

"She's fine. She got out of the hospital a little earlier today."

"Oh." She could tell that Nate was trying to brush her off. He was hardly paying attention to her.

"You want to hang out? I mean we are friends, right?" Jenny asked

"Yeah, Jenny we are _friends, _but right now, I need to make sure Blair is okay."

"Are you going to check on her? I could come with you." Jenny suggested with eager eyes.

"Sorry, Jenny. I wanted to spend sometime with Blair alone. She and I need to talk. Anyway, I need to go. I'll give you a call later, okay?" Nate answered as he stood by his door waiting for Jenny to exit.

Jenny sighed frustrated as she walked out of the brownstone.

--

At the Bass- Van der Woodsen apartment, Blair and Serena were trying to get Blair settled in. Dorota had brought over most of her things earlier in the day. Blair was going to be sharing Serena's room for about a week.

"So, I was thinking movie night? Tiffany's and Sabrina?" Serena suggested knowing Blair couldn't turn down Audrey Hepburn.

"Of course." She smiled making Serena smile brighter in return.

"Okay great. We can watch it in the den. Sound good?" Blair nodded her head in agreement.

"I'm going to grab a Perrier. Want one?" Blair asked.

"Sure. I'll meet you with the movies. I just have to find them." Serena answered as she began to search for the DVDs.

Blair walked in to the kitchen and immediately stopped when she saw Chuck standing in the kitchen. Chuck turned around to see who had entered and made eye contact with BLair.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were here. I'll leave." Chuck said making a step towards the hallway.

"Wait-Chuck." Blair said hesitantly.

Chuck turned looking towards Blair, unsure of what she wanted to say. Did she want to yell at him some more?

"Look, I'm very sorry for everything I said to you yesterday." She said knowing Chuck did not deserve the blame.

"It's okay, Blair." Chuck started to say.

"No, it's not. It isn't true, Chuck, it wasn't your fault at all." But unfortunately Chuck looked as though he didn't believe her.

"I…I wanted to hurt you because I thought it was the only way for you to leave me alone." Blair said feeling terrible but wanting to explain her actions.

"If you wanted me out of your life that badly all you had to do was tell me, Waldorf." Chuck responded a bit angry as he took another step away from Blair. She reached out and grabbed Chuck's arm trying to pull him to look at her.

"I am so sorry. I didn't mean any of it, Chuck. I do want you in my life" She said looking at him pleadingly.

"You didn't mean any of it?" Chuck asked. "Even about Nate?"

Blair sighed before she answered his question.

"I don't know how I feel about Nate, but Chuck, this is about you and me. I need you in my life, Chuck. I mean who else am I going to turn to when I need to scheme something up?" Blair asked giving him a small smile.

Chuck smirked in response.

"I suppose we do make a good team."

"So then friends?" Blair asked hopefully and Chuck's smirk disappeared.

_Friends? She wants to be friends?_

"Please, Chuck?" Blair said with sad eyes and Chuck nodded despite himself.

"Hey Blair, look…" Serena trailed off as she walked in to the kitchen with Nate and the two looked at Blair and Chuck, "who came to see you." She finished.

"Nate, hi." She smiled looking at him.

"Hey, Blair." Nate said ignoring Chuck. "I was hoping you would like to go out to eat with me, maybe Butter?" Nate asked.

"Oh B, that sounds like so much fun. Go, we can watch our movies when you get back." Serena said trying to push Blair into going out with Nate.

Blair watched Chuck as he stepped out of the kitchen unsure of what to do. She turned back to Nate and smiled.

"That sounds great. Just let me go get ready."

--

Blair and Nate were sitting opposite of each other at the busy restaurant. She was dressed immaculately in dark purple Zac Posen dress.

"You look really beautiful tonight, Blair." Nate said smiling sheepishly.

"Thank you. You don't look to bad yourself." She said with a coquettishly smile.

Their dinner had arrived and they were making idle conversation. Blair and Nate were both enjoying themselves discussing pleasant things through out their meal. When the waiter finally took away their dinner plates Nate cleared his throat. He had taken her out tonight to tell her something, and he had stalled the topic of conversation long enough.

"Blair, I'm sorry for everything that happened between you and me." Nate began, but Blair raised her hand to stop him.

"Nate, you don't have to apologize-''

"No, Blair, I do. I overreacted and I shouldn't have. We had agreed to keep everything in the past. You forgave me for sleeping with your best friend and I should have done the same thing." Nate said finding his voice for the first time.

"Blair, what I am trying to say is that I think we should try again. And this time, we both have our secrets out in the air and we really can start fresh." Nate said as he reached across the table and grabbed Blair's hand in his. "I love you, Blair." Nate finished his speech as his thumb gently rubbed circles on the back of her hand.

**Gossip Girl: Looks like B and N are back together spotted at Butter holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice, it makes for even better gossip. Let's see how long they last this time. Care to make a wager? You know you love me. XoXo.**

--

Chuck Bass looked at his cell phone angrily.

_Blair wants to be friends so she can go back to Nathaniel, again._

Chuck had been willing to settle for a friendship with Blair if that meant he could be a part of her life, but how could he be around her if she was dating Nate? His heart broke at that painful thought, and then her words echoed in his mind.

'_Won't you ever understand that I belong to the Nate Archibalds of the world?'_

Chuck threw his phone down and anger and reached for the bottle of Scotch he had in his room. As he poured a glass, her words continued to haunt him.

'_You're not good enough for me, Chuck!'_

Chuck downed his drink quickly and poured another.

_That's it. I'm finished with Blair Waldorf._

Chuck made his vow and prepared himself for an evening of drinking his problems away at the Palace Bar.

--

Over in Brooklyn another unhappy person looked at their computer screen in rage.

_Blair Waldorf is going down!_

Jenny had some scheming to do. Fortunately for her, she had learned from the best.

--

Well, what do you think? I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry it is really short this time, but I promise to update again either tomorrow or Friday. :] Please leave me some feedback. Just press the little blue button Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 !-- /* Style Definitions */ , , {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} 1 {page:Section1;} -- !


	11. It’s Your Heart That’s Scarred

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Eleven, It's Your Heart That's Scarred

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar after talking to Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl…

"I watched you deal in a dying day  
And throw a living past away  
So you can be sure that you're in control  
You're just somebody that I used to know  
I know you don't think you did me wrong  
And I can't stay this mad for long"

Somebody I Used to Know, Elliott Smith

"Blair, what I am trying to say is that I think we should try again. And this time, we both have our secrets out in the air and we really can start fresh." Nate said as he reached across the table and grabbed Blair's hand in his. "I love you, Blair." Nate finished his speech as his thumb gently rubbed circles on the back of her hand.

Nate had planned the situation perfectly. He had chosen a restaurant that Blair loved. He had surprised her by showing up spontaneously. He even had put on the green sweater that she had always loved on him. His confession of his love couldn't have been more perfect in his opinion.

Blair was so taken aback she didn't notice the glances that were coming their way. Nathaniel Archibald had just confessed his love for her. For years this had been what she desperately wanted and now that he had said the words she didn't know what to say.

"Wh-what?" Blair stuttered out. Nate gave her one of his best smiles he contained and interlaced his fingers in her hand.

"I love you Blair Waldorf." Nate said with more reassurance. He gazed at Blair who was still unresponsive. His forehead was starting to wrinkle in worry. What was wrong? Was she in shock?

"Blair, say something?"

"What- I don't. What do you want, Nate?" She asked looking at Nate in surprise.

"I want us to try again."

"Why now? What changed?" Blair asked pulling her hands out of Nate's hold.

"Blair, I am sorry. I made a mistake. I want to start over." He finished.

"Where were you when I wanted to start over? Or when I was declaring my love for you?" Blair asked beginning to get angry.

"I'm saying it now. I know how much I care about you. Are you telling me you don't love me anymore?"

"It's not enough. We could never make it work between us. You don't know what you want, Nate. And, I deserve someone who wants me." Blair said realizing the truth of the words she was uttering for the first time.

"Blair, I know what I want. I want you."

Blair looked at him with sad eyes. He was so lost and she was broken. How had they pretended to be in a relationship for so long? Nate didn't know what he wanted. Maybe today he did want her, but then in a week would he change? After they broke up he had intended to get back together for the sake of his father's career. He couldn't truly care about her.

"Nate, we've been apart of each other's lives for such a long time, but we just don't work. I do love you and I will always care for you but as a friend." Blair said.

Nate looked at her taken aback. Where was this coming from? Blair always came back to him. He never thought she would refuse him. But, that was always Nate's problem, taking Blair for granted. His emotions were too late in coming. Unfortunately for Nate, it had taken him years to realize how truly amazing Blair Waldorf was, but now he couldn't accept she didn't want him. He rose up the sleeve of his sweater.

"Remember you gave me your heart?" Nate asked her as the small heart dangled.

"And you neglected it." Blair responded softly.

"You've always wanted me, Blair, since we were children. You are making a mistake that you will regret." Nate threatened her.

"And, if you think Chuck will ever care about you, you're wrong. He doesn't care about anyone except himself. You easily gave him what he wanted, so he won't have any interest in you anymore." Nate said spitefully trying any tactic to win Blair over.

"Nate, don't do this here." Blair said looking down quietly. Nate's voice had began to raise and other tables were beginning to look over at their table.

"It is him. I can't believe you could be so stupid, Blair. First you let him use you like that, and now you really think he will take you back?" Nate asked sneering.

"Please-don't" Blair said trying to keep the emotion out of her voice.

"I can't wait, Blair. I can't wait until you come crawling back to me because he turned you down. Go throw yourself at him, Blair. You apparently don't have any self-respect left."

Blair Waldorf refused to be yelled at in a public restaurant. She no longer cared if they had an audience. She stood up from her seat and leaned over the table to get closer to his face.

"I don't want you anymore, Nate. I'm done trying with you. I'm sorry it took you so long to figure out that you cared about me, your loss not mine. I won't be crawling back to you because you know what? You aren't my prince. You never saved me, Nate, never." Her hand reached to the heart that was dangling out of the sleeve. She grabbed the small object and pulled at it so hard it ripped the threads.

"You never should have accepted this if you couldn't handle taking care of it." Blair said as she moved away from the table never turning back to look at a stunned Nate.

Blair was irate as she exited the restaurant. Who did he think he was treating her like that? First he declares his love for her and then he becomes the world's biggest ass. His actions reinforced Blair's decision; Nate was lost and didn't know what he wanted. Part of her pitied him. She had meant what she had said; she would always care for him. He had been her first experience of puppy love, a childhood friend, and many events in her life involved him. But, she knew he wasn't part of her fairytale.

Blair flagged down a cab, and she got in quickly. Her movie night with Serena sounded perfect right now. She needed something to put her in a good mood, and Audrey's charm always worked her magic.

As Blair entered the Van der Woodsen- Bass apartment she called out for her friend.

"Serena?" She heard no answer and began walking around. The lights were off in Serena's room. Where could she be?

"Serena?" she called again.

"Back so soon?" Chuck sneered as he heard Blair voice as she passed his room. She stopped and dipped her head into Chuck's room.

"Hi. Yeah, I just got back. Have you seen Serena? We were going to have a movie night." Blair said as she looked at an agitated Chuck.

"Well, you are out of luck. She left. Now, if you wouldn't mind…" Chuck said as he dismissed her with a wave of his hand. Blair squinted her eyes at his actions. Chuck was dismissing her? Hadn't they discussed being friends not but a few hours earlier?

"What's wrong with you?" Blair asked as she stepped farther into his room instead of doing what he desired.

"You. Here. Please leave." Chuck stated as he looked away from Blair and back to the magazine he was reading in bed.

"Not you, too." Blair said getting frustrated. "I just put up with one egotistical ass, and I would rather not go through it again with another arrogant bastard." She finished as she placed her hands on her hips and stared Chuck down.

"Don't tell me you and your boyfriend, Nathaniel, are quarreling already. Can't keep him satisfied after a few hours? I must not have taught you very well." Chuck said still not looking away from his magazine.

Blair was angered by his words, and she was tired of taking his words lying down. She walked to the bed and snatched the magazine out of his hands.

"I don't know what you are going on about, Chuck. I've just been yelled at by Nate for the last hour, so please just say what you want and let's get it over with."

Chuck looked surprised at her words.

"Why was he yelling at you?" Chuck asked.

"I don't know. Because I wouldn't get back together with him." Blair said as she sat down on the bed.

"But, I thought you did get back together. Gossip Girl sent out a picture of you two." Chuck said remembering the text.

"Please, Chuck, you know better than anyone not to believe everything you read from Gossip Girl." She said shrugging off his remarks.

"So, you aren't back together with him?" He still needed to hear the words.

"No, he confessed his love to me, but I just don't feel that way about him anymore." Chuck let out a sigh of relief at her words but quickly turned away not wanting to appear too interested.

"I don't want someone who doesn't want me. I want some who…" Blair began but cut her sentence short.

"Someone who what, Blair?" Chuck asked finding the information desperately important.

And for a moment Blair let her guard down. She looked at Chuck with vulnerable eyes that were tearing up. He held her gaze intently. A single tear ran down her check, and Chuck gently reached towards her face and caught the tear with his finger. The physical contact surprised Blair, and she turned away breaking the gaze. Instantly the wall around Blair's emotions came back up. She stood up from the bed trying to move farther away from Chuck.

"Anyway, like I said earlier, do you know where Serena is?" Blair asked changing the subject.

"She went out with Dan after you left with him." Chuck said not wanting to mention his name.

"Okay. Thanks." Blair said as she made a movement for the door.

"We could watch a movie if you want." Chuck's words escaped his lips before he even thought it through. Blair stopped her walk towards the door and turned back towards Chuck.

"Really? You want to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's?" Blair asked smiling in mock shock.

"It's not like you haven't forced me to watch it before." Chuck replied as he shrugged his shoulders.

"One is not forced to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's." Blair said with sass and Chuck rolled his eyes.

"We can watch one of your movies and then watch one of mine. Sound fair?" Chuck asked looking at Blair.

She smiled back at him. "I think I can live with that. I'll go get the movie from Serena's room."

As Blair walked back into Chuck's room she had a terrible thought.

"Chuck Bass, I will not watch porn as part of our deal." She yelled and Chuck smiled wickedly at her.

"Thanks for the suggestion, Waldorf." Chuck said as he handed her his selection. "But, unlike you I don't have my mind in the gutter."

Blair looked over the movie in her hands. It was the original Ocean's Eleven from the 60s. It seemed like the perfect Chuck Bass movie.

"I've never seen it." Blair responded looking the cover over.

"Well, we are fixing that." Chuck said. "You'll love it. Scheming and plotting are involved." Chuck smirked at her.

"Whatever," Blair said rolling her eyes. "We're watching Tiffany's first." She stated as she sat on Chuck's bed.

"Yes, princess." Chuck replied as he grabbed the movie off of the bed and placed it in the DVD player.

Blair kicked off her shoes and got comfortable on Chuck's bed.

"You are on my side of the bed, Waldorf." Chuck said playfully annoyed.

"You can adjust." Blair said smiling sweetly.

"Alright, but if I am on top of you that might block your view of the television." Chuck said as he walked towards Blair on the bed.

"Chuck, you are heinous." Blair scouted over to the opposite side of the bed.

"It might have made the movie more interesting." Chuck said raising his eyes suggestively.

"You wish." Blair said looking back at him.

"Maybe." Chuck said quietly as he pressed play on the remote control.

The moment Holly Golightly stepped out of the cab in her black Givenchy dress Blair was captivated. Her hair was elegantly swept up in a French Twist. Chuck watched her out of the corner of his eye and smiled at the sight of Blair completely enthralled. It was no surprise Blair loved the movie so much because she was just like the main character. Not in the aspect of her being a kept woman, of course, but, in both of their decisions to edit their lives to fit their opinion of a perfect world. Both of them exuded a sense of elegance and confidence when truly they were both scared and broken. But, the one thing Blair definitely had on Holly was that Blair was ten times more beautiful than her in Chuck's eyes.

As Blair continued to watch the movie, Chuck continued to watch Blair. She was starting to develop goose bumps along her arms and she was rubbing her legs together. Without thinking, Chuck reached to the foot of his bed and grabbed the blanket. He gently tucked it around Blair making sure she was completely covered.

Blair looked at Chuck making eye contact and smiled.

"Thank you." She said and Chuck nodded his head and lay down beside her again. Blair turned on her side to look at Chuck.

"Aren't you cold?" Blair asked Chuck.

He shook his head to say no, but before he could reply, Blair scouted closer to him.

"I'm willing to share." Blair said as she readjusted the blanket to cover them both. She was so close to him he could feel the warmth of her body.

Chuck was no longer even attempting to listen to the dialogue of the movie with Blair so close to him. He could feel her arm brushed up against him. The lavender sent of her hair was intoxicating him.

A while later, Blair turned back over to look at Chuck, whose eyes were on the ceiling. She poked his side trying to get his attention, and Chuck's eyes flickered back to hers.

"Hey, where did you go?" Blair asked teasingly. "Did you get caught up in the awesomeness that the movie is?" She asked looking at him.

Chuck swallowed loudly and looked at the television that showed the credits rolling. Had he missed the entire movie thinking about Blair?

"I guess so, Waldorf." Chuck said snapping out of his trance to change the movie.

"I can't believe you have never seen this movie. And you say you like classics." Chuck responded trying to change the subject.

"I do like the classics, but only the good ones." Blair said challengingly.

"Well, I promise you will love this one." He smirked at her as he returned to the bed. Blair lifted the covers for him to join her again. Without thinking Blair scouted closer to Chuck resting her body right beside his. Chuck sighed softly. Blair had no idea what she was doing to him.

Blair was trying to stay on her side of the bed, but she just kept feeling herself being drawn to him. She just needed to be close to him, and hoped he didn't notice. The movie started and Blair lost herself in the plot. She was enjoying the movie. Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. were amazing.

--

Jenny was pacing around her Brooklyn loft. She couldn't decide whether or not to go through with her plot. It was unnecessarily cruel, but it would succeed in destroying Blair Waldorf. Jenny thought of everything she wanted; the girls at school, Nate and the social status. It was all in her grasp if she would just send the text message to gossip girl.

Jenny remembered after the Kiss on the Lips party when Blair had warned Jenny about entering her world.

'_There's a price to pay, Little J, and you have to decide if all of this is worth it.'_

Was it worth it? To completely destroy Blair? She had never done anything truly terrible to Jenny. She made her run errands and move a step down on the stairs, but Blair would truly be after her for this.

Finally, Jenny pressed send on her phone. Blair would be destroyed, so what could she possibly do to get back at her?

_Blair's finally paying her price. She doesn't deserve Nate._

--

Chuck wasn't having any better of a time watching one if his own favorite movies. This was torture. How was he going to be friends with Blair? On the bright side, she wasn't dating Nate. She didn't even want to go back to him. Blair had turned Nate down. The thought made him smile.

_Maybe she and I…_

Chuck stopped himself. He couldn't get ahead of himself. Blair wanted to be friends, so they would try friendship. Chuck vowed to be the most amazing and understanding friend Blair Waldorf had ever had. This way he got to spend as much time around her as possible. and maybe she would realize how she felt about him.

Chuck's cell phone vibrated softly on his nightstand. The noise was interrupting the movie, so he leaned over and checked the incoming text message.

**Gossip Girl: Well, we finally know how the dethroned Queen temporarily got N back. An abortion gone wrong was just the drama needed to make N feel bad. Seems she has been in the hospital for a few days and begged him to take her back. Pathetic. **

Chuck paled as he read the text message. He cursed softly under his breathe. How was he going to tell Blair? She had been her normal self. She was having fun and being happy. This would destroy her because it was even worse that the truth that she had overdosed. He didn't want to ruin this moment. Chuck wanted to protect Blair from this as long as possible.

Blair turned to look at Chuck.

"What?" She asked looking at him with curiosity.

"Nothing." Chuck said as he moved to put his phone up.

"C'mon, is it gossip girl?" Blair questioned as she turned her attention to the phone in his hand. "I don't have my phone with me, show me." She commanded. When Chuck didn't offer Blair the phone she rolled on top of Chuck and tried to grab the phone.

"No-Blair-don't"

She finally wretched the phone out of his death grip and rolled off of him as she looked through his inbox.

**Gossip Girl: Well, we finally know how the dethroned Queen temporarily got N back. An abortion gone wrong was just the drama needed to make N feel bad. Seems she has been in the hospital for a few days and begged him to take her back. Pathetic. **

"Oh my god…" Blair said as she read the text. She turned to face Chuck as tears were filling her eyes. She began to sob trying to form words but she wasn't making sense.

Chuck sat up and grabbed Blair crushing her to him. He gently stroked her hair trying to comfort her.

"It's okay, Blair. We'll get them back. I promise. We will destroy the fucker who did this." Chuck just kept trying to soothe her after his promise. He ran his hands down her back. It hurt him badly to see her like this.

Finally, her tears stopped and Chuck gently laid her on the bed. She had exhausted herself. Chuck gave her a delicate kiss on her hairline before softly muttering that she should rest. He watched her tear streaked face as she began to fall asleep. He waited until her chest was raising and falling slowly to get up. He needed a drink badly.

Chuck quietly left the room and made his way to the bar. He poured a glass of whiskey and heard a loud noise interrupt his thoughts.

"Blair? Blair where are you?" Serena's voice shrieked as she made her way through the apartment with Dan on her heels.

"Serena, calm down." Chuck said softly intercepting her before she made it any farther.

"Where is she?' Serena demanded. "Is she okay?"

"She just fell asleep a few minutes ago. I tried to keep her from seeing it, but you know how she is. She basically exhausted herself and fell asleep." Chuck said frustrated.

"Whoever did this is going to pay." Chuck finished as an afterthought.

"Who?" Serena questioned unable to believe someone would do this to Blair. "Who would do this to Blair?"

"The three of us and Nate are the only ones who knew she was in the hospital." Chuck responded looking at his drink.

"Chuck, you can't tell me you really think Nate would do this to her? He came by earlier to take her out to dinner. He has been devoted to her since she went to the hospital." Serena said trying to show him some reason.

"But not since she told him at dinner that she no longer wanted to be with him. He apparently didn't take it well. I will make him pay for what he did to her."

Serena gently placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Chuck, you know Nate would never do anything like this."

"Then who?" Chuck demanded. "No one else knew."

For the first time Dan took part in the conversation.

"Jenny-she knew, too."

Chuck's eyes darkened at Dan's words.

_I will fucking destroy Jenny._

--

A/N

Hey guys. Please let me know what you think. I'm starting to get blocked, so any feedback really helps me get motivated to write. I really appreciate anything you have to say. Thanks.


	12. Your Fire

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Twelve, Your Fire

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar after talking to Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Gossip Girl…

"Get up, get out, get away from these liars  
'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire  
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine  
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time"

Open your Eyes, Snow Patrol

Blair had been dreading this moment walking up the steps of Constance Billiard's was going to be worse then the last time she had left them. Now, everyone thought she actually had been pregnant and had an abortion. Although being pregnant would have destroyed Blair's world she knew the moment she took the pregnancy test she would have kept the baby. She hadn't even considered the possibility of an abortion, but now everyone thought she had killed her baby. To make it worse everyone also thought she had thrown herself at Nate.

_Other way around. _Blair thought bitterly.

She could see Nate staring at her from the top of the stairs with shame in his eyes, and Blair quickly averted her eyes breaking the contact.

_He's just going to pretend like I did through myself at him, isn't he? Asshole. Selfish jerk._

She breathed in quickly. Blair had known the first day back would be very difficult, but the sooner she did it the sooner it would be over with. Blair could start plotting her way back to the top. Especially now that she had her true friends to help her. She gave herself a small smile trying to encourage herself.

Blair heard the insults coming from her former friends.

'Slut'

'Murderer'

Blair eyed the ground. She refused to let them see her cry. These people who had claimed to be her best friends and the boy who vowed he was in love with her were currently relentless. The tears in her eyes were threatening to fall at any moment. Their words were too cruel, and everyone in the school was watching and laughing. Blair had to hurry into the building so she could lock herself into the girl's bathroom.

As Blair ascended the first step she felt something being thrown at her. She turned to the direction where the object had come from, and she saw Jenny Humphrey.

Jenny gave Blair an evil smile. "You might want to try using one of those next time." Jenny said.

Blair looked down to the ground to see the package of a condom on the floor. Before Blair could look up to give Jenny an icy reply she felt another object being thrown at her.

Penelope, Hazel, and even Isabel were joining in the torment, as well. Jenny wrapped her arm around Nate and offered him the box. He reached his hand in and threw one at Blair.

'Whore' Nate said as he looked at her in disgust.

Blair could hear everyone laughing. She ran inside not caring that her tears were falling she just wanted to get out of there. As she pushed the door and entered the hall way, Blair saw Serena walking towards her locker.

"Oh Serena, thank god!" Blair cried out in between sobs.

Serena stopped in her tracks and looked at Blair whose body was shaking from her tears.

"Can we talk, please?" Blair begged.

"Sorry, Blair, but I still have a shot at a good reputation, but you- you shot your reputation to hell a long time ago, you are a Waldorf." Serena finished as she continued walking past Blair.

"Serena! What's going on?" Blair asked in shock.

"I'm out, Blair. Handle this on your own." Serena said not even looking back.

Blair's tear continued to fall down her cheek. What was going on? Serena was supposed to help her get through this. Now, she had lost everyone. Except for Chuck, he would always be there for her. Blair began to race towards St. Jude's side of the school not caring who saw her. Blair needed Chuck. He was the only one who could fix this. He was the only one who could fix her.

"Chuck?" she called as she walked through the hall. "Chuck? Where are you?!" Blair cried out trying to find him desperately.

"Easy, Waldorf." Chuck said walking towards her with curious eyes. "You bellowed?"

Blair threw herself onto Chuck. She wrapped her arms around him pressing herself against him.

"Oh god, Chuck, it is terrible!" Blair sobbed into Chuck's chest, but she felt him tense under her arms.

_What is wrong with him? Why isn't he holding me?_

Chuck sighed for a second and the grabbed her arms and pushed Blair off of him.

"Your point?" Chuck asked cruelly. His eyes were cold and they burned into her.

"Wh-What?" Blair stuttered out as she took a small step away from Chuck.

_Why is he doing this? What happened to being friends?_

"I thought I told you this already, Waldorf. I don't want you." Chuck said without a hesitation.

"You have no one." Chuck said as he too walked away from her.

"Chuck, I need you! Stop, please! Chuck, come back!" Blair sobbed.

--

Chuck was starting to get worried. Blair was never one to sleep in, but he decided if she wanted rest he would let her be, but now it was nearly noon so had decided to check in on her and had heard her crying out in her sleep.

"Blair- wake up!"

Blair opened her eyes blinking several times confused.

"Blair, please wake up!" She heard Chuck's voice say as arms were shaking her forcefully. Blair lifted her head looking around her and meeting Chuck's worried eyes. She sat up at once grabbing at Chuck.

"Hey, what's going on? Are you okay?" Chuck said as he gently rubbed her back and wrapped his other arm around her.

"It's okay, Blair. Whatever it is, it's okay. I've got you now, I've got you." He said soothingly as he rested his head on top of Blair's as buried her head into his chest.

Blair pulled away for a moment. She wiped away the tears she had in her eyes with the back of her hand and looked at Chuck confused.

"You fell asleep here last night." Chuck said answering her confusion. "And I slept on the couch." Chuck added quickly before she could slap him or send him a dirty glare.

"Did you have a nightmare, Blair?" Chuck asked going crazy not knowing what was bothering her.

"It was a nightmare-all of it." Blair said sounding relieved. "It was so terrible, the gossip girl post and then going back to school. All of it, just a bad dream."

Chuck sighed unhappily at her words.

"Blair, I'm sorry." He said wrapping her into his arms. "But, the gossip girl post did happen. But, we will fix it. I promise you, Blair, we will fix this." Chuck told Blair as he gently cupped her chin up to meet his eyes.

"How?"

Chuck gave her his evil smirk. "I was thinking total social destruction." He replied remembering Blair's words from when she had planned to ruin Serena.

"Not enough" Blair pleaded.

"Okay, well. This is you and me we are talking about. We plot better than anyone. She won't know what hit her. I promise you." Chuck said wiping her tears away.

"She?" Blair questioned.

"It was Jenny. Apparently, she knew you had been in the hospital."

"Jenny Humphrey did this?" Blair couldn't believe Jenny would go this far.

"Do you trust me, Blair?"

Blair looked into Chuck's eyes. Her nightmare had truly scared her. The worst part hadn't been the mockery or losing Serena. The worst had been Chuck walking away from her, just as he had before. What if he did it again? Could she trust him?

His eyes should his sincerity. Blair nodded her head yes because regardless of everything that had come to pass, she did-she completely trusted Chuck with everything.

"We'll get the bitch." Chuck said looking directly into Blair's eyes.

"We've got Dan, Eric, and of course Serena who are all more than willing to help."

"Brooklyn? Really he is willing to get his hands dirty?"

"To a certain degree. He doesn't want to know specifics, just anything he can do to help take down his sister he wants in on. I promised I wouldn't hurt her-physically at least." Chuck explained.

"And Eric and Jenny have been friends, but since you've always been like another sister to him he is willing to do whatever it takes to get her." Blair gave a small smile at the thought of Little E willing to help her as well. He had always been like a little brother to her as well. She had grown up with him.

"You know Serena is of course going to help. Only you would be worthy enough to merit the return of Serena van der Woodsen." Chuck continued as he ran his hand through her hair. "Her game is almost as good as yours."

"But neither of you can compete with me." Chuck said as he watched Blair raise her brow in protest. Unconsciously, Blair bit her lower lip for a second and then just barely ran her tongue across her bottom lip. Chuck's eyes followed the action mesmerized.

_So red. She has the most perfect lips. They're so pouty and begging to be kissed. _

Chuck wanted so badly to lean in and kiss her lips. It seemed so difficult for him to remember how soft they had been. Her kiss had held such passion, like no other kiss he had ever experienced with any other her lips so close, Chuck was being overtaken by desire.

_She wants to be friends. Don't ruin it now that she is finally talking to you._

"Chuck?"

"Where did you go? Did you get lost in my eyes?" Blair teased as she smiled at him.

"Not likely, Waldorf." Chuck replied. For just a moment Blair's smile tightened but she recovered before Chuck has a chance to notice.

"So are you ready to get out of bed? It's nearly noon." Chuck informed an oblivious Blair.

"Sorry I stole your bed." Blair said remembering Chuck had slept on the couch.

"I'm not used to leaving a beautiful woman alone in a bed, but for you I was willing to make the sacrifice." Her eyes brightened at the word beautiful.

"Thank you, Chuck."

"Okay, Waldorf, go get dressed. Serena and I are taking you out to lunch so we can start plotting." Chuck said as he got off the bed.

At the mention of going out Blair froze. The thought of running into someone she knew scared her to death. She wasn't ready for that.

"Why don't we stay in? We could order in." Blair suggested and hoped that Chuck didn't see through her. Unfortunately, Chuck had learned to read Blair long ago.

"Blair, that can't take it away from you." He said still studying her.

"Take what from me?"

"Your strength. Your determination. They can't that away from you. Blair, you don't need them to tell you who you are because you tell yourself. What are you scared of, Blair?"

The words made her bring her fears to the front of her mind. Without thinking Blair rerplied honestly

"Losing everyone. Being alone. I make everyone leave. My dad, Serena, then Nate, and even you." Blair said looking up at him with tear filled eyes. Chuck could see the sincerity and her insecurity in her. He walked back to her and gently sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry, Blair. It will never happen again. You will always have me…and Serena." Chuck added quickly. "I wish you could see how amazing you are. You need to understand that, Blair. You are beautiful, intelligent and witty. No one holds a candle to you." Blair turned away from the words. As much as she wished it to be true it was too difficult to be true.

"I won't stop telling you, Blair." Chuck said knowing the Blair was not comfortable hearing what she deserved to be told.

"So are you guys coming or what?" Serena's loud voice yelled through the apartment as she tried to find her missing friends.

"Blair, you're not even dressed yet?" Serena asked unhappily. "C'mon guys I am starving."

"I'm going. I'm going." Blair exclaimed as she moved away from Chuck.

"Hurry, B, I don't want to wait for you to try on your entire wardrobe."

"I'll see what I can do." Blair replied as she walked out of the room.

--

Jenny was trying to decide what to do as she paced around her room nervously. She had hoped that Nate would have called by now. He had promised to call her yesterday. Would she seem too desperate if she called him? Jenny kept checking the phone in her hand making sure it was turned on and willing it to ring.

The knock on the door had momentarily snapped her out of her trance.

"Come in." She yelled not wanting to look away from her phone.

"Jenny?" the male voice asked as he opened the door.

"Nate, hey, you came by. I was hoping you would call, but this is even better." She smiled excitedly.

"Jenny, we need to talk." Nate replied seriously not returning her enthusiasm.

"Okay," Jenny said as she sat on the edge of her bed. "What's up, Nate?"

Nate reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He looked through his screen until he found what he wanted. He shoved the phone in front of her face.

"Did you send this, Jenny?" Nate asked angrily.

"Wh-what?" Jenny asked when she noticed his anger.

"Did you send it?"

"Why would you think- I mean how…" Jenny trailed off.

"Only four people know about Blair. So, I am asking you, did you send this to gossip girl?"

"Nate…" Jenny said trying to come up with an excuse or a lie to cover her tracks. What could she say?

But, her silence had been enough to answer his question. He took a step back at looked at her with disgust.

"God, Jenny. You know I thought you were better than all of this. But, you are worse." He said not able to look at her any longer.

"I didn't… I wouldn't." Jenny lied as she looked at her hands.

"I can't believe you do something like this."

"What about you Nate?" Jenny yelled because she knew she was losing him. "How can you just go back to her? She had sex with Chuck Bass, your best friend, and she lied to you, Nate."

"That's between me and her." Nate said feeling no reason to explain his actions to Jenny.

"So, gossip girl was telling the truth? You really are back together with her even after everything she's done. She ruins people. Blair uses people and she doesn't care about anyone but herself."

"Blair would never do anything like what you did to her." Nate said as he began to walk out of her room.

"Nate-please." Jenny called after him but to no avail.

"Shit." She cried as Nate shut the door leaving the loft.

"Oh God. How do I fix this?" Jenny began raking her brain for a plan. She was over her head. Jenny needed help. Penelope and Hazel were her only hope.

--

Nate needed to talk to Blair. He had overreacted and ended things poorly. He had to apologize to Blair and if she wanted to be friends that would be his start.

_I can win her over. She's always been in love with me. That doesn't just go away._

Serena had told Nate that Blair would be staying with her at the Palace for a couple of weeks. It was pointless to call because Blair would probably just ignore her call.

--

Waiting on Blair to finish getting ready was leaving Serena starving. She had just gone in to check on Blair while Chuck sat in the living room waiting. When he heard the knock on the door Chuck went to answer it hoping that Serena could hurry Blair along.

_Not likely._

As he opened the door, Chuck was a bit shocked to see his former friend standing before him, but didn't let the emotion register on his face.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Chuck demanded as stepped outside into the hallway and closed the door behind him to prevent Nate from coming in.

"I need to talk to Blair."

"Well, Nathaniel I'm sorry but that won't be possible."

"Look, Chuck, I just want to see if she is okay." Nate said getting angry.

"Rest assured she is. No thanks to you."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Nate demanded.

"I think you've done enough to hurt Blair." Chuck said menacingly. "I won't let you do it again!"

"Me?" Nate said in disbelief. "You think I am the one hurting Blair? Really? Because I am sure that you were the one that was slept with Blair like she was just another one of your sluts! And then I'm pretty sure you were the one who blogged to gossip girl, weren't you?"

Chuck couldn't reply he had done that. The thing that had ruined Blair in everyone else's mind. But, it didn't matter. Chuck had apologized to Blair. They were creating a friendship.

"You sick son of a bitch!" Nate yelled shoving Chuck against the door.

"Do you really want to do this again?" Chuck demanded. "Because even if you fight me I won't let you hurt her anymore. Yes I did fuck up, but I can fix it. I will fix it, and I will make it up to Blair! I care for her, Nate." Chuck added the last part hoping Nate would realize the sincerity he felt towards Blair.

The honesty in Chuck's voice as well as the fact that he had called him Nate stopped him from yelling back immediately. Chuck never called him Nate. When had this happened? Nate was trying to plan out his next step. Chuck had shocked him by saying he cared about Blair.

"I didn't do it to hurt you, or Blair. I cared about her. I have for a while." Chuck said looking at Nate honestly.

"I care about her too, Chuck." Nate said wanting to express his feelings. "Look, I don't want to fight with you, but I'm not giving up on Blair."

Chuck eyed Nate uncertainly.

"I'm not planning on giving in either, Nathaniel."

"So, what do we do?" Nate asked.

"I don't know. We let her decide." Chuck said.

Nate shook his head in agreement.

"And where does that leave us?"

"I suppose a truce for now?' Chuck suggested. "But you still have to get Blair to forgive you." Chuck smirked knowing he had a bit of an advantage over Nate at the moment.

"I don't want to play games, Chuck." Nate said seriously.

"We've hurt her enough, and each other." Chuck replied in agreement.

Chuck offered out his hand to Nate who looked at it hesitantly before shaking it. Not enough time had passed for their former friendship or a man hug, but this was a start.

"I would never have let a girl come in between us if it wasn't serious." Chuck added. "Serena, Blair, and I were about to go to lunch. It seems little Jenny Humphrey is spreading the gossip about Blair. We're planning on taking her down. Interested?" Chuck asked.

Nate had never taken part is plotting or destruction, but this was an opportunity to spend time with Blair, and he was disgusted with what Jenny had done. He nodded his head.

"Well, I guess you get to go and try to apologize to Blair." Chuck said as he opened the door for Nate to enter.

"But, I will be watching you, Archibald." Chuck said with a smirk.

"Don't get too confidant, Chuck." Nate said giving a small smile.

--

Lunch for the foursome had started out a very awkward affair. Blair was unsure how to act with the two men in her live which had caused so much of this drama. Serena was happy that the foursome was together again, but unsure what had happened between Chuck and Nate.

How has they gone from fighting each other to going out to eat?

Luckily, Chuck had a few ideas up his sleeve, so they quickly got down to business discussing details. His plan would work he was sure of it. Everyone would have to pull of their portion flawlessly but it shouldn't be difficult.

As their meal was winding down the group had even begun to enjoy themselves. They were laughing like old times. Nate looked over at Blair laughing and decided to take his chance.

"Blair, I have some tickets for Chicago tonight if you would like to go, as friends of course." He smiled looking at her hopefully.

_Damn, he had to get tickets to her favorite Broadway show. It is on, Archibald!_

--

**Gossip Girl: Looks like P, H and Little J have been planning some mischief over lattes at Starbucks. When the dethroned queens away the mice will play. Can't wait to see what's in store. You know you love me! XOXO!**

**--**

A/n

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your encouragement. I am in a really hectic part of my semester so my updates are going to be a little less frequent, but on the upside I have finished planning the story out so no more writer's block! You are wonderful and I hope you are still enjoying the fic! Leave me some love please!


	13. One Foot on the Ground

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Thirteen, One Foot on the Ground

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar after talking to Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Gossip Girl…

"I never love nobody fully  
Always one foot on the ground  
And by protecting by heart truly  
I got lost in the sounds

I hear in my mind all these voices  
I hear in my mind all these words  
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart  
It breaks my heart"

Fidelity, Regina Spektor

--

When Lily van der Woodsen had a new boyfriend she threw herself into the relationship. Her boyfriends would wisp her away on romantic vacations and her children would go to stay at the Waldorf's until her return. Serena and Blair had been best friends and turned into sisters. Eric had been the tagalong and turned into a little brother to Blair, as well. When Blair's mother would destroy her self esteem she would run to her sister for help and, they had become each other's family.

So, although Eric didn't truly like the idea of what they were going to do to Jenny he couldn't bare anyone hurting someone he cared about so much. Jenny had been changing and not in a good way. He missed the innocence his friend had formally possessed. Maybe if she was knocked off of her high horse she would remember who she had been. Eric tossed his phone from hand to hand as he decided what to do.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to." Serena's calming voice offered Eric a choice.

Jenny had been a good friend to him. She had been there when he wanted to talk about his problems and the Ostroff Center. But, then as her popularity increased she changed. She no longer made time for her friend. It seemed the only time Jenny ever called him was when she wanted something. That wasn't friendship. It was true; Jenny had been a good friend. _Had been _past tense, she no longer was his friend.

"No, I want to do this for, Blair." Eric said remembering all the times Blair had been there for him. She was difficult and troublesome but Eric never doubted that she cared for him.

"Okay, Eric, just like we practiced. Don't be nervous, okay?" Serena replied encouragingly.

Eric took a deep breathe as he searched through his contact list. The ringing was starting to make him nervous. What if she didn't pick up? Could he leave her a message? Suddenly Eric's mind was flooding with what ifs as he waited for her voice, but his heart slowed down when he heard her voice on the other end.

"Hello?" Jenny asked quickly.

"Hey, Jenny, it's Eric."

"Oh, hey. What's up?"

"Oh nothing I just got back from the Caribbean today-"

"That's great Eric. Umm could I call you later? I am really busy." Jenny replied not really paying too much attention to Eric.

"Oh sorry. I was just calling to see if you were interested in a modeling job, but if you are too busy…" Eric said as he dangled the bait.

"Wait a modeling job? Really?" Jenny voice asked excitedly.

"Yeah, there was a message left on the answering machine for Serena but she isn't modeling anymore so I thought you might be interested, but if you are too busy…"

"No I could do it! So what would I be modeling for like runway or photography? This is so cool." Jenny squealed on the other side of the phone as her imagination took off with all of the possibilities.

"It's for an article in _Seventeen_ magazine. The want to take some sample pictures, but it sounds like a pretty sure thing." Eric lied knowing that she was garaunteed the position. A few calls from Serena praising Jenny's looks and talent combined with a few females Chuck knew who worked at the magazine had easily saved a spot for her picture as well as an article to accompany it.

"This is amazing! What do I need to do?" Jenny demanded wanting the details.

"I'll text you the address. They just need you to show up at 9:00 a.m, and they will do a few test shots. If everything works out then they will get someone do your hair and make up and take the photos for the magazine." Eric said the lines he had been rehearsing.

"I can't believe I might be in _Seventeen_ magazine! Thank you so much for this, Eric!"

"Sure, what are friends for, right?" Eric asked not able to meet her enthusiasm.

"And you are sure Serena is cool with me taking her modeling job?"

"Yeah she is happy for you to do it. She called and suggested you to the photographer after I mentioned you might be interested."

"This is so great. Well, E, I guess I better go. I have to figure out where out what to wear tomorrow. I'll call you later." Jenny finished quickly as she ended the conversation. A photo spread in _Seventeen_ was going to cement her position in the inner clique with the girls.

"You did so great, Eric!" Serena said as she wrapped him up into a giant hug.

"I'm sure she believed it. Now, we just have to make sure her dad lets her do it." Eric told her as he pulled out of the hug and sat on the couch.

"That is if she even asks, you mean. But, Dan has promised to help convince his dad that Jenny should do it if it comes up." Serena informed him.

"So he knows what the article is about?" Eric asked surprised Dan was willing to do this to his sister.

Serena shook her head to the side quickly and sat down next to her brother.

"No and he doesn't want to know. Dan wants to help, but he also doesn't want to hurt his sister. So, we've agreed to tell him as little about what is going on as possible. This way he isn't responsible and he can't do anything to stop it." Serena said thinking about how sweet Dan had been helping them through all of this.

"Do you think this will stop her?" Eric asked looking at his sister.

"Yes. These girls are so fickle. They will abandon her the minute she makes them look bad."

"Okay, well if you need anything else just let me know." Eric said as he got up from the couch to make his way to his bedroom.

"Thank you, Eric. Blair really appreciates it." Serena said honestly.

She reached for her cell phone to send out a text message.

**Phase two complete. Nate's turn tomorrow.**

**-S**

----

The text message brought a smile to Chuck's face. Everything was going according to plan. After lunch, he and Serena had been on the phone arranging the details with _Seventeen. _Apparently, his future little brother was learning well and had accomplished his portion of their plan.

He was sitting in the Palace bar enjoying his usual Scotch. Chuck didn't want to be there when Nathaniel picked up Blair for the musical so he had found refuge in the bar. After running into a few acquaintances, Chuck had stayed for a few hours. At this rate, Chuck decided to stay for a few more drinks before heading back up stairs so he wouldn't run into Nate dropping Blair off.

_Nathaniel honestly thinks he can compete with me? I know Blair better than anyone. He may have been her boyfriend for years but has no clue how to win her. No one understands or appreciates her like I do._

Chuck had decided he wouldn't rush anything. He would let Blair come to him. Until she decided she wanted more than just friendship he would be there for her as just a friend.

_A friend who I have inappropriate dreams about. _

_God, I hope she figures out how badly she wants me soon._

Chuck looked at his empty Scotch. He was about to signal the waitress to bring him another one when a drink appeared on his table from a slim wrist with a perfect French manicure.

"I noticed you were empty." Hazel's voice explained the drink she had brought to him.

Chuck took a sip of the drink without offering a thank you as Hazel sat at the table accompanying him.

"What are you doing here?" Chuck asked letting her know she had not been invited. He was around her from time to time because they were in the same social circle, but Hazel wasn't someone he spent a lot of one on one time with.

"Came with some of my girls and I noticed you by yourself so I thought I might come over and say 'hi'." She said as she twirled a piece of hair.

"Well, hello." Chuck replied looking away.

"Oh, Chuck Bass, don't be like that. It has been a terribly boring night and I thought you might be able to make it more interesting." Hazel said seductively.

"I mean tonight has been all about Jenny Humphrey. So, I am ready to move on to bigger and better people." Hazel continued as she pouted her lips out.

Chuck's attention perked up at the mention of Jenny's name.

"Oh really? Well, how about I buy us another round and you tell me all about it?" Chuck asked as he gave her his signature smirk.

"Sounds good." Hazel smiled happily.

--

It was rather amazing what a great mood Blair was in. She couldn't believe how stupid and careless she had been a few days before. She was on top of the world even though her entire world believed the terrible gossip about her. Except the most important people, of course.

The day had been a bit bizarre. Chuck had been so sweet to her in the morning when he had woken her from her nightmare. Then Nate came and apologized. He had been so honest and heartfelt and had asked for a chance to regain her friendship to which she told him he already had. Lunch with the foursome had been a bit awkward at first, but after the plotting it had been like old times. Nate had come across some amazing tickets to _Chicago_, so Serena had taken her to Bergdorf's where Blair bought a sexy Yves St. Laurent white dress with a black pattern for the occasion.

How could she have ever felt so alone? Blair was surrounded by people who loved her. These were her true friends, her true family and no matter what happened, a fight couldn't break them apart.

Nate had been unable to tear his eyes away from Blair the entire night. She radiated beauty. Her hair was elegantly pulled up. He had never noticed how she lip sang along to the music. How many times had they seen _Chicago_ together, and how had he never noticed before this evening?

Nate was going to use the years of knowledge he had to win Blair back. He was confidant that he had the upper hand in this competition. He thought smugly of Chuck having to admit he lost.

As the audience was getting up from their seats to leave, Nate stood and offered Blair his arm. She smiled at his chivalry and accepted his arm as she gracefully stood up and smoothed out the nonexistent wrinkles in her dress.

"Thank you Nate. You know how much I love going to the theatre. I can't remember the last time I got to see _Chicago_."

Nate flashed Blair his charming grin.

"I know it's been a long time since we have gone out to see a musical. We should come more often." Nate suggested hopefully.

"That would be fun. I know Serena's wants to see _Wicked_. Maybe we could get the group together?" Blair suggested. Nate's smile tightened at her words, but he nodded his head humoring her as he continued to usher her out of the theatre.

"Well, the night is still young we could go out for dessert?" Nate offered not wanting to take Blair home so early.

"I don't know, Nate, we've got a busy day tomorrow. You have to accidentally run into Jenny pretty early in the morning. Maybe a victory celebration tomorrow night instead?" Blair offered as she smiled at him.

"I'm actually getting sleepy." Blair said as a small yawn escaped her perfectly red lips.

"Of course." Nate said as he signaled for the driver of the town car to pick them up.

The ride was silent. Blair was ready to get into her nightgown and get under the covers. As much as Blair loved getting dressed up and going out she also loved spending time relaxing. Her dressy nightgown's made her feel sexy.

"You look really beautiful tonight, Blair." Nate said as the car made its stop.

"Thanks, Archibald, you don't look so bad yourself." Blair said flirtatiously.

Nate got out of the care and offered Blair his hand which she took. He placed his arm around Blair as he walked her inside the hotel.

"I had a really good time tonight, Blair."

Blair smiled happily.

"Me too. I'll see you tomorrow." Blair said as she reached up to give Nate a tight hug.

"Goodnight." Nate finished as he watched Blair get into the elevator.

As the doors closed Blair grabbed her phone to turn the ringer back on and noticed the new text waiting on the screen.

**B-**

**Staying with Dan tonight. Call if you need me.**

**Love,**

**S**

Blair sighed as she placed her phone back in her bag. As much as she hated to admit it Humphrey was starting to grow on her…a bit. He was still from Brooklyn after all, and he couldn't go a single moment without voicing his judgments, but he was good for Serena and that's what was most important.

As she entered the suite she noticed all the lights were out. Bart and Lily had decided to stay in the Caribbean for sometime on their own.

"Chuck? Eric?" Blair called into the emptiness. When no one answered her she made her way to Serena's room to undress. Blair stood at the mirror and pulled the pins out of her hair and watched as her brown curls fell onto her shoulders beautifully. If Blair had to pick a favorite feature about herself it would be her hair. Her chocolate tendrils always fell perfectly into place.

Blair unzipped the dress and grabbed it to hang it in the closet space she had stolen from Serena. She skimmed her chemises trying to pick one out to wear. Blair could never imagine going to sleep in pajama pants or anything of the sort. Her lace and silky nightgowns were as much fun to wear to bed as picking out a gorgeous dress to wear to a party. She slipped into a black lace chemise that fit her snuggly. The lace around her stomach was the only material that covered it and allowed her snow white skin to peak through.

After finishing her evening beauty routine, Blair decided to sneak into the kitchen for a late night snack before bed.

--

The conversation with Hazel had been mind numbingly dull. Chuck had hoped by drinking more she might pique his interest, but his plan had failed. She hadn't even divulged any helpful information on Jenny.

"Chuck-Chuck, are you listening to me?" Hazel voice asked as she placed a hand on Chuck's leg.

"Yes, you were rambling." Chuck said not paying attention.

"Would you like to go somewhere else?" She asked noticing she was losing his interest and her hand crept a bit further up his leg.

"What did you have in mind?" Chuck asked as he stared into his empty glass. Hazel's other hand reached toward him and pulled his face towards hers as she leaned in.

"Maybe something along these lines…" Hazel replied as she closed the distance between herself and Chuck. Her lips attacked Chuck at an unnatural pace. Chuck kissed her back slowly trying to decide if he was interested or not. It had been a few days since he had been with anyone, but something wasn't right.

Her lips weren't soft and luscious as he would have liked. Her thin dry lips made kissing her rather unenjoyable.

Her taste was missing that delicious sweetness that he enjoyed so much.

Also, he felt as though he was being attacked by this girl.

Chuck pulled away from the kiss and wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand.

"I think I'll pass." Chuck said as he scooted a bit farther away from Hazel.

"Come on Chuck…" Hazel whispered seductively into his ear. "I've never known you to turn down a girl." She said as breathed onto his neck.

The smell of alcohol on a female was unattractive to Chuck. He never liked a girl to be so sloppy. And what perfume was she wearing? Was that _Obsession_? Chuck grimaced at the thought. He preferred J'adore Dior which Blair typically wore.

"Desperation isn't attractive." Chuck said leaning away from her. Hazel's hand crept higher up Chuck's leg.

"Are telling me you honestly don't want to go up to your place and have some fun?" Hazel asked not giving up. Chuck grabbed her hand and roughly placed it onto the table.

"Hmm that is a good idea." Chuck said as he began to get up from his chair. "I'm going to go up to my room, and you are going leave me the hell alone." With that final statement Chuck made his way to the elevator leaving a stunned Hazel behind. Although, he and Blair were only friends he couldn't help but feel guilty about what had happened.

_You just kissed Hazel. What is wrong with you?_

But what bothered him more than the fact that he kissed Hazel was how he had compared everything about Blair to her. No one could compare to Blair, he knew that. No woman would satisfy his craving for Blair. So, what was he going to do be celibate until Blair realized how perfect they were for each other?

_Not a chance. If she just wants to be friends I am more than entitled to sleep with who ever I want. We aren't even in a relationship. Why am I acting like this?_

Chuck's mind wondered to the last blonde he had bedded. Blair had come over, and the look she had in her eyes when she saw him and the naked girl in his bed was devastating.

Who was Chuck trying to fool? He wasn't going to sleep with anyone unless it was Blair.

_Damn it, Blair! You better figure this out soon._

Chuck made his way into the suite. He hoped that Nate had already dropped Blair off. He didn't want to witness him saying his goodbyes to Blair. As he entered the kitchen he saw Blair standing as she rested her elbow on the counter and ate some strawberries and cream.

His eyes dilated as he saw what she was wearing. The black lace clung to her like a second skin. Her pert ass looked amazing. Chuck swallowed loudly deciding what to do.

_Screw taking things slow! _

Chuck quietly walked up to Blair who was still oblivious. With his left hand he reached out and gently pushed her hair to the side, "Evening, Waldorf." He whispered huskily against her neck. He smirked when he felt her shiver in response.

"Chuck I didn't hear you come in." Blair said as she turned to face him and found herself trapped between the counter and Chuck. His eyes immediately went to her plunging neckline and the small pink bow that rested between her cleavage. She smiled as she heard Chuck grown not taking his eyes off of her body.

Chuck rested his arms against the counter on either side of Blair pinning her in place.

"Have fun with Nathaniel?" Chuck asked as he gently ran his thumb down the side of her bare arm. The heat that Blair felt when Chuck touched her was driving Blair crazy. She could feel her face flushing at the contact.

Blair cleared her throat before she could speak.

"Mmhmm. You know Nate always the perfect gentleman." She said trying not to allow him to know how she was feeling.

_Get a hold of yourself he is barely touching you!_

Chuck's eyes caught on her stomach that was not well covered by the black lace. His hand moved from where he had been running it up and down her arm to the side of her stomach to feel the soft lace.

"How very exciting." Chuck replied sarcastically. It wasn't fair, he thought.

_If she wants to just be friends she can't dress like this._

Unsure of what to do Blair turned back around to take a bite of her food.

"I was just finishing up my snack." Blair said pathetically as she tried to think of something to say. She finished her last bight of strawberry and placed the bowl back on the counter. Blair took a small step back and ran into Chuck's hard body.

"Sorry." She said as she turned around to look him in the eye.

Chuck's hand reached up to her lips and Blair quickly smacked it away before he could touch her face.

"Wh-What are you doing?" Blair snapped not wanting this interaction to lead anywhere, or so she kept telling herself.

"Relax, Waldorf, you've got a little something..." Chuck said as he reached again and touched her bottom pouty lip ever so softly. Chuck brought the cream from the strawberry on his thumb to his lips and sucked the flavor. "So sweet." Chuck said as he watched Blair. She traced the edge of her lip where Chuck had touched with her tongue.

"Th-thanks." Blair said as she stepped to the side.

"So are you going to be coming to bed with me again tonight?" Chuck asked as he raised an eyebrow suggestively. "I can show you how ungentlemanly I can be."

"No need. I am fully aware of that." Blair sassed returning to her normal self.

"I wouldn't want you to get lonely tonight with Serena gone."

"I think I can manage." Blair said as she gave him one of her sickeningly sweet smiles.

"I have a feeling you will be joining me. You can't resist me."

"Good night, Bass."

"Sweet dreams, Waldorf." Chuck said as he watched Blair retreat.

"As long as they aren't of you." Blair replied over her shoulder as she continued her way to Serena's room. Blair's hips swayed a bit extra as she left the room. Chuck's eyes never looked away.

Chuck sighed out loud and decided to go take a shower. A cold shower.

Hours later, Blair was tossing and turning against the silk sheets. The nightmare from the night before was haunting her again. At this rate, Blair wouldn't get any sleep. She slipped out of the sheets and made her way down the hall.

Blair knocked softly on the door. When she received no answer she gently opened the door to reveal a sleeping Chuck. Blair smiled as she closed the door behind her. He looked so innocent, but she knew the truth. She reached out and traced his jaw line with her index finger. He had such smooth skin.

"Chuck?" She called softly but he did not answer. Blair delicately ran her finger back up his jaw line until her hand reached his dark hair. She buried her fingers into his hair admiring how smooth it was until she clinched her fingers and pulled it roughly.

Chuck's eyes snapped open from his blissful state of sleep.

"What the fu-" Chuck angrily called out until he saw who the dainty arm belonged to and gave her his infamous Chuck Bass smirk. "I knew you would get lonely, Blair. But, I didn't realize you wanted to be so rough."

Blair rolled her eyes at Chuck's words.

"Don't be so smarmy."

"Then what brings you to my bed at such a late hour, Waldorf."

Blair sat on the edge of his bed and looked for her hands for a second. Chuck noticed the change in her composure instantly and sat up.

"I had the nightmare again." She finally said in a small voice. Chuck wrapped his arm around her protectively and ran his hand up and down her arm soothingly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He offered concerned. Blair shook her head no.

"I just didn't want to be by myself. Can I stay with you tonight?" Blair asked shyly.

"I knew you would be getting into my bed tonight." Chuck said to which he earned another eye roll.

Chuck scooted over in the bed and then raised the sheets for Blair to join him. She hesitated for a moment.

"I promise I won't bite…unless you want me to." Chuck finished smirking.

"Do you always have to be so pervy?"

"Don't pretend like you don't enjoy it." Chuck challenged.

"You wish." Blair said as she slipped in to his silky sheets secretly knowing his statement to be true.

Their lighthearted banter disappeared when Chuck noticed the worry still in Blair's eyes.

"Can I get you anything?" Chuck asked but Blair simply shook her head. "Blair, I promise you this will work. Okay?"

Instead of a response, Blair scooted into Chuck molding herself against his body.

"Thank you, Chuck." She said unaware of how Chuck's body was reacting to the feel of his bare chest against her flimsy lace chemise. Chuck wrapped his arms around her without thinking and she buried herself into them.

"Anything for you, Waldorf." He answered as he sighed.

_How the hell am I going to sleep now?_

Her skin felt so soft against him that Chuck knew he was in for long night. But, he wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world.

--

A/N

Sorry it has been a week. I promise to update at least once a week, but the semester is almost over and then I will be updating more frequently. Thanks to everyone for reviewing! You all are amazing and motivate me to write! Let me know what you think!


	14. We'll be Lovers

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Fourteen, We'll Be Lovers

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13 the next chapters might increase in rating

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar after talking to Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but I wish I did.

"How I wish you could see the potential,

the potential of you and me.

It's like a book elegantly bound but,

in a language that you can't read.

Just yet"

I Will Possess Your Heart, Death Cab for Cutie

The sun was shining through the blinds and Blair's sleepy eyes fluttered open. After blinking her eyes a few times, she saw her hand resting on Chuck's bare chest. Blair smiled as she realized she was tucked into the side of him with a smooth leg draped over one of his and her head resting on Chuck's shoulder. She hadn't had a single nightmare once she had climbed into Chuck's bed; she had just felt warm and safe. Blair didn't care what time it was as she eyed Chuck resting soundly. She closed her eyes and cuddled closer to him letting out a happy sigh as she drifted back to sleep.

A couple of hours later, Chuck was the one to wake up. Blair's petite body was pressed up against him tightly, the effects of which were evident by the reaction Chuck's body was having. His left hand absentmindedly began to trace the delicate features of her face. No girl had ever had this effect on him like Blair did. He had never protected another girl from nightmares or stare adoringly at her as she slept. Hell, Chuck Bass had never literally just slept with a girl in his bed. Only _his_ Blair.

He ran his fingers down her shoulder softly until he reached the thigh her hand was resting on. The sheer lace of her nightgown left very little to the imagination, but that didn't matter because Chuck had the image of her beauty seared into his memory.

Chuck began to trace small, delicate patterns on her bare thigh and heard a small moan escape Blair's lips. His eyes flickered quickly to insure that Blair was still asleep. A smirk graced his lips when he realized Blair wasn't immune to his actions even in her sleep.

He used his entire palm to grasp her thigh, running his thumb down her inner thigh. Blair's flesh was becoming warmer by the second. Her cheeks were becoming flushed. Chuck was happy to know that her body responded as easily as his did, even when she was asleep.

The second moan that came out of her pink lips began to have too much of an effect on Chuck. He let out a frustrated sigh and rolled onto his side so Blair moved off of him slightly and he could watch her. The shift in the bed caused Blair to toss and turn for a moment and she readjusted so her back was pressed against Chuck's chest. Her hips rocked against his growing erection, and now it was Chuck's turn to moan. The exposed skin of her back touching his chest was becoming overwhelming. As her hips rocked against him once more he groaned softly.

"You have no idea what you do to me Waldorf." Chuck whispered softly as he moved his head to place a tender kiss on her exposed shoulder.

Chuck raised the covers from the bed to make his escape. The closeness was becoming too irresistible, and Chuck decided Blair wouldn't be too happy if she awoke to find Chuck on top of her ravishing her. He walked to his bathroom to resolve his impending problem.

_Another cold shower._

As the door to the bathroom closed, Blair's hand fished for the covers as a wicked grin covered her mouth.

--

Nate made his was quickly to the location of the photo shoot. This was going to be hard. He was never very good at deceiving people, and he had to make Jenny think there was nothing wrong.

He sighed loudly as he walked the streets of New York.

_Please let her be on time._

Every detail had to go perfectly according to the plan or it would not work.

_Well, it will still work just without the same pay off._

Nate wanted to do this well for Blair. A way of showing her what he was willing to do for her.

_Even if we are just friends._

Nate lurked by the side of the building waiting for the familiar blonde hair. He assumed she would probably take a cab, so his eyes grazed for any yellow cars while trying to keep himself hidden.

After a few minutes, Nate saw a cab stopping in front of the building. He squinted his eyes to see a young female in the cab and made his way from his hiding spot to appear as though he was passing by.

Nate's loud voice called out as he saw her exit the cab, "Jenny?" he asked pretending to sound surprised.

Her eyes looked up at the sound of her name. Upon catching Nate's blue eyes she swallowed loudly not sure what to do. They hadn't left things very amicably last time they saw each other.

"Hi, Nate." She replied unsure.

"What are you doing here?" He said as he gave her one of his charming smiles.

"Umm. Actually, I have a modeling job today." Jenny said sheepishly.

"Really? No way, that is really cool, Jenny." Nate said feigning enthusiasm.

"Yeah. It is. It is for Seventeen magazine." Jenny continued smiling slightly.

"Look, Nate, I am really sorry about what happened-"

"No, Jenny, I should be the one to apologize. I overreacted. I don't know what is going on between you and Blair, but frankly it is none of my business." Nate interrupted using the lines he had rehearsed.

"Really?" Jenny asked confused. "I thought you and Blair were back together."

"No. Not back together, we are just friends. But, that doesn't mean you and I can't be friends, right?" Nate finished with another smile.

"I think we could work something out."

"Let me prove to you how sorry I am, let me through a celebratory party for your modeling shoot tonight."

Jenny smiled coyly at his offer. Maybe getting Nate wasn't going to be as hard as she thought.

"You would do that for me?" She asked sweetly.

"Of course, Jenny. I would be happy to do it." He answered her.

"That is so sweet, Nate. But, actually Penelope and I are throwing a party tonight at her place. Her parents are still out of town in Bora Bora for a while. You should come." She suggested.

Nate was caught off guard. He hadn't expected this. He was no Blair or Chuck, and didn't know how to continue.

"Umm sure. That sounds good."

Jenny's smile grew.

"Great, well I guess I will see you there, but I've got to get going." She said as she made her way to the door. Jenny turned to look over her shoulder and added, "Invite your group along, Blair too."

Nate was left unsure what to do. He nodded his head 'yes' and started to walk away. He reached into his pocket for his cell phone. The group needed to come up with a new plan and quick. He quickly typed a text message, and looked around for a cab to flag down.

**Chuck-**

**Coming over. Problem with the plan. Tell S and B.**

**Nate**

--

Chuck came out from his shower scantily clad in only a pair of boxer-briefs. His eyes swept over Blair's sleeping form before hearing the soft vibrating coming off of his cell phone. He attempted to reach over Blair's sleeping form to grab the phone resting on his night stand. The movement on the bed caused Blair to snap her eyes open to discover a half naked Chuck. Her eyes were glued to his chest as she watched his muscles stretch above her. She breathed out loudly causing Chuck to flicker his eyes to hers once he grabbed his phone.

"See something you like, Waldorf?" Chuck said huskily.

Her eyes remained on his chest for a moment too long before she was finally able to form a coherent thought.

"I was just wondering why you are molesting me in my sleep." Blair said scathingly hoping Chuck hadn't noticed how intently she had been looking at his sexy body.

"Other way around actually. You were the one molesting me." Chuck said still hovering above her form enjoying watching her squirm.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Blair said looking innocently.

"You couldn't stay off of me this morning." Chuck answered smarmily.

Blair's eyes avoided Chuck as she lied out her teeth. "You must have been dreaming, Chuck."

Finally, Chuck turned his attention back to his cell phone to check the text message as he moved away from Blair. He sighed loudly as he read Nate's text message.

"It appears Nathanial had some difficulties with his portion of the plan. He is on his way over, so you might want to get dressed." Chuck said as he made his way over to his closet.

"I am perfectly comfortable. I think I'll just stay in this." Blair replied as she got out of bed. Chuck eyed her scantily clad body possessively. The black lace nightgown was such a turn on but, he most certainly did not want Nate to see her dressed in it.

Chuck walked over to Blair and smiled at her seductively. He reached his hand out to finger the thin strap of her nightgown.

"Sounds good, Waldorf. Better yet, why not lose the nightgown?" Chuck asked as he gently slipped the strap down off of her shoulder. He let his fingertips graze her soft skin and he could see Blair's cheeks begin to flush.

Heat was radiating through her entire body. Blair could even feel her nipples hardening in response from such a simple touch. She closed her eyes for a moment and willed herself to gain control.

"Ugh you are so atrocious, Chuck." Blair said but not moving away from his touch. Chuck's hand moved lower to her waist where he delicately rubbed his fingers against the flimsy material. He could feel goose bumps appear on her skin. In one sudden movement, he roughly pulled her body against his own and grazed her neck with his cheek.

How long had it been since he had felt her like this?

"I don't think so, Blair. I think you are enjoying every moment of this." He whispered in her ear. The warm breathe in her ear caused shivers to run down her spine and she shuddered closer against Chuck.

Blair relished in his touch for a moment as her hands began to feel the toned skin of his chest. She looked hungrily at his body before suddenly snapping to her senses and pushing him away from her.

"Clearly you are delusional, Bass." Blair responded as she made her way to the door. "I'm going to change and I'll meet you in living room." She left the room hastily with the color still in her cheeks.

_Thank God. No way I could have concentrated with her looking like that. _

_--_

Chuck was in the process of pouring himself a drink while he and Serena waited for their two missing friends. Blair was still primping in front of the mirror, and Nate was taking his sweet time making it to the Bass- van der Woodsen suite.

"What happens if everything doesn't go according to plan? What if she isn't at the party?" Serena asked worriedly.

Chuck sloshed the amber liquid around in his glass before looking up to meet her eyes.

"Everything will still work. We might have to tip off Gossip Girl instead, but it is a photo spread in a major publication, it will make its way around. And, if she doesn't come to the party then we just miss the opportunity of seeing Jenny Humphrey's downfall." Chuck said confidant with his plan. This would work out. It had to for Blair.

"You're right." Serena replied feeling a bit calmer after Chuck's reassurance.

"Shouldn't have let Nathanial do this. It is way over his head." Chuck said as he rested into a large chair next to the couch Serena was occupying.

Serena's eyes narrowed at his comment.

"We don't even know what is wrong yet. Don't blame him." She told him defensively.

Chuck rolled his eyes in response.

"Do you want to get the bitch back, or what?" Serena decided to opt for silence instead of conversation when Nate Archibald entered the room.

"Hey guys." He greeted quickly. "Where is Blair?" He asked as Serena stood and volunteered to get her from her bathroom.

"Drink?" Chuck offered.

"Right now? Have you seen how early it is?" Nate asked a bit surprised.

"Scotch goes well anytime."

"Hi Nate" Blair's warm voice filled the room.

"Hey Blair." He smiled. "You look nice today." Nate said as his eyes locked in on hers, and Chuck rolled his eyes.

"Nathaniel flattery will get you only so far."

Serena sent Chuck a disapproving look. She didn't want any drama between the friends and decided to put an end to the conversation before it could get off the ground.

"What happened, Nate? Did you see Jenny?" She asked as she sat bedside her best friend on the couch.

Nate ran a hand through his disheveled hair and stood in front of the group.

"I did run into her, and she did seem to believe me. But, Penelope is throwing a party tonight and she will be there." Nate said with a sigh.

The four looked at each other for a moment before Chuck spoke up.

"The plan should still work." He said with a shrug. "It saves us the party details. Just bring the photo layout and say it was a special surprise you wanted to bring."

"Jenny did say you all could come." Nate replied.

"What about Blair?" Serena asked out loud.

"She invited her as well."

"Really?" Blair asked surprised.

Nate nodded his head. "She believed her when I said we were just friends and when I told her I wasn't taking sides. You could come with me if it would make you more comfortable, Blair."

Before Chuck realized what he was doing he stood up from his chair and uttered a harsh, "No!"

His three friends turned to him a bit surprised, but the idea of Nate taking her out again truly bothered Chuck.

"You umm you two can't look too chummy." He lied quickly. "Go with Serena it would make more sense because Jenny would get suspicious otherwise." Nate and Serena agreed with his statement while Blair watched him with interest in her eyes.

"Do you think you would be okay going to the party, Blair?" Serena asked gently.

Blair had been dreading this portion of the plan- having to face everyone. Although they had a plan, an ingenious one since it was Blair and Chuck's devious minds together, she couldn't bare the judgments. Everyone would still look at her like a leper.

"Everyone is going to be talking about me when I get there." Blair said softly as she found the carpet on the floor fascinating.

"And when you leave everyone will be talking about Jenny Humphrey's embarrassment." Chuck offered with encouragement.

"You can do this, B." Serena added sweetly as she clasped her hand around Blair's.

Nate sat down on the other side of Blair and pushed a lock of her brown hair behind her ear.

"If anyone could do this it would be you, Blair." Nate said.

"You guys are right. I can do this." Blair said finally raising to meet the welcome gaze of her friends. As she locked her eyes on Chuck's dark brown ones he offered her a small smile that immediately appeared on her lips as well.

"Great! Then. Nate why don't we go to the agency and get the copy of the magazine layout, so we can get it printed out and blown up for the party?" Serena asked. Nate stood up and offered his hand for Serena to take.

"I'll cancel the plans for the party tonight." Blair said thinking of something she could do. The group said their goodbyes and with that Serena and Nate left.

"You'll do fine, Waldorf." Chuck said as he made his way to sit next to her on the couch.

She gave him a small smile but felt encouraged by the simple statement.

"Once little Humphrey's been taken down we can go after the rest of them. We'll put them back in their place, Blair, and make you Queen again." He said as he gently reached for her hand.

"No." Blair said which surprised Chuck. "I don't want that anymore. The fake friendships and the constant backstabbing? I'm over it. I know the people who are important in my life now and I'm not going to forget it." She placed her other hand on top of Chuck's and gave it a gentle squeeze.

After taking a few steps to Serena's room Blair paused and looked at Chuck with a bemused expression.

"Hey- Chuck?" she called softly.

Chuck raised his eyebrow and looked at her letting Blair know she had his undivided attention.

"I was just going to let you know that maybe you could convince me to be more than friends." The smirk reached Chuck's lips before she finished the sentence. He rose to his feet and walked towards Blair. He was centimeters away from her lips. She could feel the heat coming off of them and their proximity to her own. Blair liked her lips as she waited for him to kiss her. Chuck's eyes lit up as he saw the lustful look in her eyes and moved in ever so slightly. Blair's nostrils could detect the Scotch present on his lips, and then saw them closing the distance.

Blair closed her eyes and prepared herself for the sensation of Chuck's demanding kiss that was sure to come. How long had it been since he had kissed her? Chuck had the ability to kiss her senseless like no other.

Chuck's hand came up and gently cupped her cheek in his hand and traced her cheek bone with his thumb. He smiled wickedly before closing the distance.

"I'll keep that in mind, Waldorf." Chuck said as he dropped his hand from Blair's face and left a very stunned Blair behind.

Her eyes popped open and she glared at his retreating form. Her fingers reached out to touch her lips. They had been so close to the kiss.

"Basshole!" She shouted loudly before leaving to Serena's room.

**GG: P and Little J are throwing a party tonight. We here there is a celebration going on, but we want to know who is really going to have the last laugh? You know you love me. XOXO.**

--

A/N

Thanks for the feedback! I've been working on the banter trying to make it very Chuck and Blair-esqu. Let me know what you think!


	15. Better Together

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Fifteen, Better Together

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar after talking to Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl, Cosmo, Seventeen, the fashion designers, or the song

"I believe in memories  
they look so, so pretty when I sleep  
Hey now, and when I wake up,  
you look so pretty sleeping next to me  
But there is not enough time,  
There is no, no song I could sing  
and there is no combination of words I could say  
but I will still tell you one thing  
We're better together"

Better Together, Jack Johnson

--

The afternoon was winding down and Serena and Blair were leisurely getting ready in Serena's bedroom. Blair was giving herself a manicure as Serena glanced through _Cosmo_ lying on her bed not quite paying attention to the magazine.

"So, you are sure that everything went okay with the article?" Blair asked as she was blowing the nails on her right hand dry.

"Yes, Blair, for the thousandth time, everything went just as we planned." Serena said as she gave Blair a glance.

"I know, but everything has to go perfectly. I wish I could see the article." Blair pouted slightly.

"Blair, I promise everything is going to work out. Nate is going to pick up the blown up copy of the article before the party. Everything is just happening in such a tight time span we couldn't get it sooner. Just be happy we are getting it at all. Apparently, _Seventeen _didn't want to give us a copy of the spread before it hits the stand. Nate and I couldn't do anything, but Chuck was able to get his way. He always does." Serena said as she watched Blair for a reaction to Chuck's name.

"Oh? Chuck helped?" Blair asked coyly and kept her sight focused on painting the nails on her left hand.

Serena closed the magazine and sat up on her bed to face Blair.

"Blair, you know he has been doing everything he can for you. Nate, too." Serena mentioned hoping Blair would give her some information, but Blair kept working on her nails.

Serena sighed loudly. Blair could be so frustrating when she wanted to be.

"Are you going to tell me what is going on with them? I know there is some weird love triangle going on with you all."

"Nothing is going on, Serena, not all of us like getting involved in love triangles." Blair finished as she gave her a sickeningly smile.

"Blair-" Serena's voice began to warn her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it. It's just, I don't know what is going on. I told them both that I just want to be friends. So, we are going to be friends." Blair replied as she nodded her head forcing herself to agree with her words.

"So, is that why you've slept in Chuck's bed the last two nights?" Serena challenged.

Blair's eyes expanded to the size of saucers at her friend's words and Serena smiled enjoying her friend's reactions.

"Well Thursday Gossip Girl sent out that terrible text and I feel asleep in his bed. He was the perfect gentleman and slept on the couch. And, last night I didn't want to be by myself seeing as my best friend was too busy with her boyfriend, yet again." Blair said as she rolled her eyes at Serena's accusation.

"I'm sorry, Blair, I should have come home, but you went out with Nate, and I didn't know when you would be back." Serena said now feeling guilty.

"It's fine. I was okay. I'm sure Cabbage Patch enjoyed some time alone with you." She said as she wrinkled her nose in fake disgust.

"So, I never heard how your date with Nate was?" Serena said smiling brightly.

Blair sighed as closed the bottle of fingernail polish.

"It wasn't a date, Serena." Blair stated as she attempted to formulate the words to explain. "My friend invited me to go see my favorite musical, so I went."

"Your friend who you have been in love with since you were five." Serena added the forgotten fact.

"It isn't like that anymore, Serena."

"Then what is it like, Blair."

"I just don't feel that way about Nate anymore. I mean, no offense, but all that time I thought we were so in love he was in lust with you. I don't know if I was really in love with Nate or if I was just in love with the idea of Nate." Blair said looking to Serena for reassurance before she continued.

"Well, that sounds so harsh, but I do love him. I guess as cliché as it sounds, 'I love him, but I'm not in love with him.'"

"Does Nate know this?" Serena asked.

"I told him when we went out to eat at the other day that I only wanted to be friends. I mean, I know that night didn't go over well he didn't take it too well, but when he came and apologized he said he wanted to be friends."

"Blair, I think you need to talk to him. I think he feels like there is still a chance between you two." Serena suggested.

"Ugh why is it that he finally wants me when I want someone else." Blair blurted out exasperated before noticing her blunder.

Serena was grinning at Blair, "So are you going to tell me there is nothing going on with Chuck again?"

Blair gave her friend an evil glare before talking. She had done it to herself, and now she couldn't deny her friend an explanation.

"Yes, Serena, I like Chuck, there now you know."

"Oh, I have known for a while. I just wanted you to admit it." Serena said teasingly.

"But nothing can happen. After all he is Chuck Bass." Blair said quickly.

"So, what B? You can't help who you fall in love with." Serena said trying to trick her friend again.

"I- I never said I was in love with him." Blair said once she realized Serena's implication.

"Alright but you want something to happen, right?" Serena raised her eyes suggestively.

Blair grabbed a pillow and threw it at Serena who just laughed softly.

"Since when are you so interested in a Chuck Blair romance? If I remember correctly you couldn't have been more shocked when I told you about us during Thanksgiving."

"I'm sorry I was so judging. I guess Dan rubbed off too much. I didn't understand it, and I still don't completely. But, Blair, I want you to be happy. And, I can see he cares about you. He was practically glued to you at the hospital, he got you the private suite, and he even picked up your clothes from your house so you didn't have to wear a hospital gown."

Blair's eyes softened at her words.

"He did?" She asked softly.

"Yeah. He was really great, B. So now I know it has to be more than just sex."

"Ugh, Serena. Why did you just have to make this so much more complicated?" Blair asked showing her frustration.

"Glad to help."

--

Chuck Bass was irritated. No girl was worth this kind of trouble. Except Blair Waldorf, of course. He sighed loudly as he looked at his cell phone. He knew what he had to do.

Chuck was going to do this right this time. No sneaking behind anyone's back. So, the first thing he had to do was tell Nate what was going on. He didn't want to lose Nate as a friend now that they were finally friends again. Chuck hoped that he would accept it. If not…

_I don't want to go there, yet. He will understand. He has to. _

Last night, when Blair had more or less told him she wanted to date, in her round about way, he had nearly picked her up and carried her to his bedroom. But, he couldn't hurt Nate, again. Her lips had been painfully close, and he had backed away at the last moment. He chuckled slightly as he remembered her flustered reaction.

Chuck grabbed the phone and decided to get it over with.

**N-**

**Let's meet at Central Park in 20.**

**-C**

**--**

He was sitting in the park smoking a joint when Nate found him. He knew Nate would never turn down a toke, and Chuck wanted Nate as mellow as possible.

"Hey man, what's up?" Nate greeted as he grabbed the joint from Chuck's hand. He sat down on the bench beside his friend.

"Nathaniel, help yourself." Chuck smirked as his friend exhaled a puff of smoke.

Nate gave a lazy grin and watched a couple of girls walking around Central Park.

"Check out the ass on her." Nate stated as he inhaled again. Chuck looked around to see who he was talking about. He had been there a while longer and hadn't noticed any females; it was what Blair Waldorf did to him.

"Why do you want Blair?" Chuck asked before formulating a coherent thought.

"Wh-what?"

"Why are you so set on Blair now? You've had her before and in the beginning maybe you did want her, but after that you tired of her." Chuck stated after having been a long time observer of their relationship.

"What?" Nate asked taken aback and unable to formulate a response. "Why do you want her so badly? You go from woman to woman. You've never been in a relationship before." Nate said defensively.

"With Blair it is different. She is all I think about. I have liked her for years, but she has always been your girlfriend. She's cunning and witty. She manipulates things until she gets want she wants. Blair is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And, then there is the fact that she can see through me immediately. She can read me like no one else in the world, and I can do the same to her. Even when you were dating her, Nate, I knew her better than you did." Chuck finished waiting for Nate's reaction.

At first he said nothing. He just started ahead of him, and then brought the joint back to his lips. Chuck sat beside him and waited.

"Well shit, that killed my buzz. I don't know, man. I mean, I do care about her. I don't want her to get hurt, and recently she has seemed so different so sure of herself, and I really liked that."

Chuck held his breathe. He didn't want to reiterate the fact that he brought out that happy confident Blair.

"Sometimes I think it is just because we have dated for so long, and my parents love her. It seemed easy. I've always thought we would end up married, and I was okay with that." Nate said as he continued to look ahead.

"I guess that is pretty stupid, to be with come on because it's comfortable. But, it isn't just that. I don't know, man. It is hard to explain."

Chuck just nodded his head, and Nate finally turned to look him in the eye.

"Do you think something is going to happen with you two?" Nate asked sincerely.

Chuck hesitated before telling him the encounter from the previous evening.

"Well, she had said she wanted to be "just friends", but last night she said she wanted more."

Nate turned his eyes away from Chuck and took a final drag from the joint before throwing it on the ground.

"Then I guess this is your chance to date Blair." Nate said quietly.

"But, let me warn you the second you fuck it up I will be there." Nate said with a cooked grin on his face.

Chuck laughed and placed a hand on his friend's back. "Alright, Nate."

"You think I'm joking? Just wait, Blair is very demanding. There are infinite ways to fuck things up." Nate replied from his years of experience.

"I do recall. Question is, do you remember who helped you out of most of those situations?" Chuck remarked cheekily.

"Fine, but you get to convince her parents that you are good enough for their little Blair." Nate stated happily at the realization he didn't have to put up with Eleanor anymore.

"Mr. Waldorf isn't bad at all." Chuck said quickly.

"Harold isn't the one I was talking about." Nate laughed as Chuck's face paled.

"Couldn't you have mentioned that before you finished the joint?" Chuck asked annoyed.

Nate just laughed before checking his watch.

"Hey, I have to run and pick up the magazine spread to take to the party tonight." He said as he stood up.

"I'll see you tonight then, Nathaniel." Chuck answered as he too stood up to go back to the Palace.

--

Once he was back at the Palace, Chuck knocked on Serena's door for some entertainment before getting ready for the party.

"Come in." Blair's soft voice answered.

Chuck walked in to find Blair in one of her sheer dressing gowns looking at three different dresses lying on the bed.

"Waldorf" he greeted.

"Chuck can you go bother someone else? I'm busy." Blair answered without looking towards him.

"Sorry Princess, no one else is home, and regardless I choose you." Chuck stated as he stood behind Blair.

"Lucky me." She replied sarcastically as she turned to meet him.

"You sure seemed to think so last night." Chuck countered and he could see the color rise in her cheeks.

"You must be delusional." Blair retorted.

"Did you spend your free time thinking of words to insult me with because you always seem to have them on the tip of your tongue?"

"Please, I wouldn't waste my time thinking of you. Insulting you is just too easy." Blair said quickly as she turned back around.

"It's okay you don't have to admit that you spend your free time thinking about me. You moaning my name in your sleep kind of gives it away." Chuck said as his hand rested on her shoulder.

Blair turned back on her heels and slapped her slim wrist and smacked Chuck's hard chest.

"Take it back." She yelled loudly and Chuck merely grabbed her arm and pushed her closer to him.

"You are getting very defensive for someone who doesn't give me a second thought." Chuck said softly into her ear.

He smirked as Blair's body shuttered in reaction to the hot breathe in her ear. Chuck's hand pushed her long brown locks back so he could view her exposed neck.

"I umm I-" Blair attempted to stutter out.

Chuck's lips began to graze her neck as he coyly asked, "Did I leave you speechless?"

He began to leave delicate kisses on her neck and Blair's knees buckled under the attention he was giving her.

Chuck quickly noticed her body slipping and his strong arms grabbed her leaning her against his chest. He moved to nibble on her ear to which Blair let out a soft moan.

"Chuck- I…I"

"Yes?" Chuck said as he moved to leave kisses on her jaw line.

Blair finally came to her senses as she pushed away from Chuck.

"I have to pick out something to wear tonight." She said as she turned back around to look at the dresses.

Chuck sighed loudly missing the contact with Blair's body. He examined the three dresses on the bed: a long red dress, Valentino; a knee length black halter, Alexander McQueen; a mid thigh navy blue dress, Oscar de la Renta.

"The blue dress." Chuck answered. "The silk feels amazing against your skin." Chuck said huskily.

Blair picked up the dress and placed it on a near by chair.

"Thanks for helping me narrow it down, Chuck." She smiled sweetly as she examined the remaining two dresses.

"Blair, it's a party at Penelope's are you really going to wear a floor length gown? You do look amazing in red, but don't try so hard."

Blair knew he had a point; she was just so nervous about being around everyone tonight.

"I will be right there beside you the entire night." Chuck said sincerely.

Blair's doe eyes looked at him pleadingly. "Promise?"

"Promise."

"Well, I need to finish getting ready. Serena and Dan will be here soon." Blair said as she looked back at the dresses on the bed.

"Alright, I better get ready, too. You know where I'll be if you need me."

"I wouldn't count on it." Blair said over her shoulder.

--

"Come on, Blair. We need to go." Serena yelled loudly as she banged on the door.

"I'll be out soon."

Serena walked back to find Chuck pouring himself a drink and Dan sitting around bored.

"She said she will be out soon."

"She has been saying that for half an hour." Dan said exasperated.

Serena sat on his lap and wrapped her arms around him affectionately.

"I know, but it is Blair."

"I just don't understand how we came from Brooklyn and neither one of them was ready." Dan said as he gave Chuck a dirty look. Chuck merely rolled his eyes in response.

Blair walked into the room and looked at her friends.

"Okay let's go." She demanded as if she had been the one waiting for so long.

Chuck let out a loud laugh when he noticed the dress she was wearing.

"Whatever, Bass. Get over yourself." She replied snidely as she made her way out of the suite.

Chuck was on her heels as they waited at the elevator for Dan and Serena.

"Well, you look beautiful, Blair." Chuck said as he fingered a lock of her brown hair. She couldn't hide the smile that formed.

"Thank you. I must admit you look pretty good yourself."

"Are you ready for this, Blair" Chuck asked concerned for her.

She nodded her head.

"I can do this." She told herself as her small hand reached out for Chuck's larger one.

"Alright guys, Nate's probably already there so let's go." Serena said as they stepped into the elevator.

---

Tbc

A/N

So what do you think? We will finally get to the party next time. Thanks for all of the feedback. Hope you are enjoying it.


	16. Holiday for a Hanging

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Sixteen, Holiday for Hanging

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl, Seventeen, Campbell Apartments or even the song

"But it's a jungle when war is made,

And you'll panic and throw your own shit at the enemy.

The camera pulls back to reveal your true identity.

Look, it's a sheep in wolf's clothing,"

It's a Hit, Rilo Kiley

--

The ride had gone by too quickly for Blair's taste, although she still clasped Chuck's hand tightly and Serena was smiling at her reassuringly, she was still nervous. She slowly followed behind Dan and Serena's lead.

Dan did not appear to be too excited to enter the party either. He knew something was going to be done to Jenny, and though he hoped the experience would humble her and bring back his old sweet-mannered Jenny, he did not want her to be hurt either.

Serena was walking on a tight rope. She would fight for Blair to the death, but she cared for Dan, too. She gave him a kiss on the cheek before reassuring him with a look. She looked back at Blair and gave her one of her bright smiles. Serena waited at the door for a confirmation from Blair, who hesitantly gave her a nod of approval.

Chuck squeezed her hand reassuringly before whispering at a level only Blair could here, "You are still the Queen, show them that."

Serena knocked on the door to Penelope's parent's brownstone.

"You can do this, B."

When the hostesses answered the door there was a look of triumph in both Penelope and Jenny's eyes.

"I was worried that when Nate showed up alone that the rest of the group wouldn't make it." Jenny said as she allowed Serena and Dan entrance.

Chuck let go of Blair's hand but quickly repositioned it to the small of her back to gently guide her through the doorway when the two girls moved into the way. Blair held their gaze a fake smile on her face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you didn't know, but as hostesses it's best to greet your guests inside the house." Blair said as she waited for the girls to move out of the way.

Jenny gave a fake laugh before looking to Penelope and then back at Blair.

"I'm sorry, we didn't realize you didn't know sluts aren't allowed at this party. Now if you could please get out of the way we have guests waiting to get in." Jenny replied curtly.

"Oh Chuck, I believe Hazel is waiting for you inside." Penelope added as she watched Blair biting her tongue.

Serena looked back at her friend unsure of what to do.

"Blair, let's just go…" Serena suggested.

"No, S, it's okay. The reek of too much perfume is unbearable to me. You stay take pictures." She added as she moved out of the doorway.

"Aww, Jenny is that another one of your homemade dresses? It's so cute how you try and make your own since you can't buy couture." Serena's disguised compliment flowed easily from her lips.

A smirk graced Blair's lips as she walked away with all the dignity she had.

"Chuck, where are you going?' She heard Penelope ask loudly.

"Sorry, I don't go for desperation." He said as he quickly caught up with Blair's fast pace.

"Well Waldorf, looks like we have another night alone." Chuck told Blair as he opened the door to the limo for her.

"Don't be so smarmy."

"Please, don't tell me you aren't ecstatic at the thought of you all by yourself with me. I know you can get very creative when you want to." He whispered in her ear.

Although Blair always wanted to be in control of the situation and act like Chuck had no effect on her, it was untrue. She was always affected by him. Chuck knew exactly where to caress or how to whisper words in order for the hot breathe the turn her on.

Blair inhaled deeply as she thought of their past encounters. Her trysts with Chuck had been amazing. At first, Blair thought that everything was so new that she was reacting normally, that any man could do that to her. Although she only slept with Nate once, she knew he would never be able to get her so excited by a few seductive words or intimate touches.

Blair's face began to warm as she remembered images of her with Chuck, in the limo, twisted in the sheets of his hotel suite, and once in the Palace elevator. The way his hands would slowly teasingly touch her until she was crying out-

"Considering it, Blair?" Chuck teased knowing he was right.

Her inner battle for control took over. Immediately, Blair commanded herself to erase the erotic images from her head.

"As if, Bass. I spent this much time getting ready, so you are taking me out." She commanded as she crossed her arms resting them in her lap.

Chuck smiled as if he was the one who was victorious. He rolled the partition down and whispered instructions to the driver before returning to sit beside Blair.

"Where are we going?"

"You will find out soon enough."

"Chuck." Blair repeated harshly since he so easily denied her the information she wanted.

He smirked at how simple it was for him to provoke her. He loved getting her so flustered. Blair was a passionate person, and if he didn't get to have her the way he preferred he still enjoyed goading her into arguing with him. It let Chuck know just how in control he was of the situation.

They had an interesting dynamic: Chuck was the only person who could make Blair lose control, and she was the only person he would let be in control. It was their game, and Chuck loved it.

"Try as hard as you want, princess, I won't tell you." Chuck replied as he relaxed into the leather seat and watched Blair glare at him.

"Fine" Blair huffed.

"You look sexy when you get angry." Chuck smirked.

Blair opened her mouth to yell a retort at him, but she snapped it shut just as quick and decided to glare out the window. Chuck's low chuckle aggravated him even more.

"Smug basstard." She muttered under her breathe.

--

Serena scanned the open room for any sign of Nate. She was sure Jenny knew exactly where he was but avoided asking her at all cost. She sighed in relief when she spotted him next to the bar.

"Nate, hey." She greeted as she gave him a brief hug.

"Hey Serena- Dan." He nodded his head. "Where are Chuck and Blair?" Nate asked when he noticed they were not following behind them.

"Jenny" Serena said as a form of explanation. "She wouldn't allow Blair to come in, so Chuck went with her so she wouldn't be alone."

Nate sighed loudly and glanced over at the isle covered in a velvet cloth.

"So what do we do know?" Nate asked glancing again at the covered magazine spread.

"Well, we go through with it anyway." Serena explained as it was the only logical choice. "I mean Jenny still doesn't have any idea, right?"

"She just thinks it is a surprise like I told her."

"Okay. Well, I know Blair wanted to be here for this, but she doesn't really need to be here. We can do this for her." Serena said confident with herself.

Nate nodded his head in agreement, although not quite as sure of himself as Serena was.

"Of course we would lose the two most conniving members of the group when it comes time to execute the plan." Nate muttered.

Serena smiled lightly as she looked at Nate.

"Well, you can't be Chuck's best friend without having some of it rub off. I know Blair's had her affect on me."

"So, should I bring her now?" Nate asked as he looked at Dan for approval too.

"No, we should wait for more people." Serena said, but Dan protested.

"I think there are enough people here."

"Dan, I know you don't like this, but trust me. If we do this now Jenny will just come after Blair again. I won't let her do it. You've seen what she has gone through this last week. Do you want her to go through that again?" She asked pleadingly.

"No. But, I don't want Jenny to go through it either."

"Dan, after this it will all be over. You want Jenny out of this world and this will get her out." Serena said as she took Dan's hand in her own.

"Okay. We wait." Dan said resolved.

"Damn. I need a drink." Nate said as he walked to the bar.

--

Campbell Apartment was a swanky place. It had the 1920's ritzy-ness of Gatsby mixed with the allure of Al Capone. The "Lost Generation" was immortalized all throughout the bar. The dimly lit bar was lavished with Persian tapestries and lavish red cushioned furniture. There was a fire place warming the bar which faced the private balconies.

"It's like we are in a Hemmingway novel." Blair spoke softly. "This place is amazing, Chuck." Blair said well aware of the awe in her voice.

"I was thinking Bass Enterprises should invest in this bar. I stumbled upon it not too long ago. It's this amazing secluded place. The balconies allow people enough privacy, yet the bar is the center allowing everyone to mingle. The place is highly exclusive, which I want to keep. Not just anyone can get in."

Chuck leaned against the bar as he continued to watch Blair admire his potential investment.

"She'll have the flapper's delight and I will have the prohibition punch." Chuck told the bartender.

"Well, the names are tacky." Blair said having to find at least one flaw with the place.

When their drinks came Chuck guided Blair through the bar to his private balcony which offered an amazing view of the skyline.

"Well, Waldorf after tonight you will be back on top." Chuck said as he eyed her.

Blair merely shrugged at the remark.

"What are you telling me you don't want to have all of the girls following you around again?" Chuck asked Blair a bit surprised.

"I don't know it's just so hard sometimes." Blair's voice was so heartfelt that it began to concern Chuck.

"What do you mean?"

Blair turned away from Chuck and looked over at the evening sky.

"I'm tired of trying to be the perfect pristine girl all of the time. I have to keep up appearances all of the time. Even with Nate, after all of the years we dated, I could never be myself around him."

"You don't have to do that Blair." Chuck said as he closed the distance between the two of them gently placing his hand on her shoulder. She turned to meet his eyes.

"Don't I though? I keep trying to be who everyone wants me to be: the perfect daughter, the ideal student, a flawless girl."

"Don't you realize you are perfect, Blair. You are so determined and headstrong, maybe a too stubborn at times, you work for everything. Blair you have stood by all of us through everything: Serena's party days, Nate's family problems, and all of my bullshit. Serena may breeze through everything, but you actually work for all of your accomplishments." Chuck told Blair as his fingers gingerly brushed against her cheek as he took a breathe to continue, "and you are the sexiest I've ever wanted." Chuck finished with a smirk.

Blair smiled at him for a moment.

"Just when I thought you were becoming a romantic-"

"Shut up, Waldorf." Chuck said as he tilted her face up to meet his.

Chuck's lips barely grazed hers as if asking permission. Blair greedily pushed her lips against his opening her lips to meet him. Chuck's tongue caressed hers slowly, but as Blair positioned her body against his clawing her hands down his back, the kiss turned more demanding.

Chuck's lips left hers, "Your dress.."

But Blair's lips once again found his.

"has been driving me crazy"

"all night long." He finally finished in between kisses.

"Didn't you say to shut up, Bass?" Blair said as she planted kisses on Chuck's jawline.

--

"So are you ever going to let me see what my surprise is?" Jenny asked Nate hopefully.

He smiled at her as his eyes searched for Serena. She gave him a nod of approval. There were enough people at the party.

"Let's just get everyone's attention, Jenny. I want the spotlight on you tonight."

Jenny was shinning at the attention.

"Everyone, I have a special surprise." Nate's loud voice rang out. People began gathering around in interest. The easel had been covered all night, and Serena, Nate and Dan had prevented anyone from seeing it.

"I don't know if you were aware, but Jenny Humphrey has made her modeling début." He continued as his hand pointed towards her.

"In the next issue of Seventeen magazine you can see her amazing photo, but lucky for you I have managed to get a copy of the layout to show tonight."

Jenny looked at Nate surprised.

"Oh that is so sweet, Nate. Thank you, really." She said as she flung herself into his arms.

"You want to do the honors?" He offered demonstrating towards the black cover.

Jenny grabbed the bottom of the velvet material and in one quick motion pulled it completely off.

Before looking at the layout herself, Jenny watched the guest for their reaction.

At first no one said anything. Looks of shock and disgust began to cover their faces.

"Oh my God!" She heard on girl say with a voice of disgust.

"What a freak." A guy yelled.

Jenny looked confused at the crowd in front of her.

What's wrong with them? Why are they acting this way?

She finally glanced at her picture. It was her there was nothing wrong with it.

I look good. Really good, actually. What's their problem?

After staring at the picture she turned her attention to the bold title on the top of the cover.

True Life: I Traded Sexual Favors for my Benefit.

From sleeping with teachers to pleasuring drug dealers Jenny* got lost in world obsessed with sex to get her way.

Jenny looked at the group, now people were laughing at her.

"But…but it isn't true." She stuttered out.

"IT"S NOT TRUE!"

She looked at Nate and Serena who looked at her with pity. Dan walked up to comfort his sister but she pushed him away.

"It's a lie." She said again trying to get people to listen to her. Dan turned the picture over so people could no longer see it.

"How can you do this?" She demanded to Nate and Serena. "I could sue this is libel."

"No, Jenny, it isn't." Serena said as she looked at the younger girl. "There is a disclaimer at the bottom of the page that says the name and picture have been changed to protect the girl's identity.

Jenny turned back to check the article to see if it was true.

"Where? I don't see it! Where is it?" She demanded looking crazed.

Nate approached behind her and pointed to the small italic print in the corner of the page.

"No one will see it. Everyone is going to think it is me."

"That's why you shouldn't spread gossip." Nate said looking at her.

"Because of Blair? You did this for her?" Jenny said outraged.

"You mess with on of us you mess with all of us." Serena said overly protective of Blair. "People will forget just give it time." Serena said with more warmth.

"Come on, Jenny let's get out of here." Dan said as he reached out to take Jenny into a brotherly hug. Before he could wrap his arms around her, she pushed him away.

"No! I can't believe you helped!" Jenny said turning away from him and making her way through the crowd.

"Jenny, wait!" Dan yelled as Jenny made her escape. He followed after her, but Serena grabbed his arm.

"Dan, wait. Give her some space. She needs to cool off." Dan stopped knowing she was right. He wouldn't get anywhere with her in that mood.

"I guess you are right. And this ends it right? Jenny is out of all this drama for good."

"Yeah, Dan. You've seen these girls, they move from one butterfly to the next."

"I just hope they leave her alone. I don't want her to go through this drama."

Serena grabbed his hand.

Jenny made her way into one of the bedrooms and slammed the door behind her.

How would she face everyone at school again?

She paced around nervously thinking about what to do.

Penelope entered the room interrupting Jenny's thoughts. She looked up at the dark haired girl in surprise.

"It isn't true. I never did anything." She said hoping she would believe her.

"Like that matters. No one cares what you actually did or didn't do; it is what they think that matters."

"How do I fix it?" She asked

"You can't." Penelope said without any emotion

"But, Hazel, Iz and I can." She added. "If we stick by you the rest of the school will follow. There will be jokes and comments for a couple of weeks, but we can get you back from social destruction."

"Why?"

Penelope smiled.

"You don't think I am doing this from the kindness of my heart? I want Nate. You destroy Blair and avoid getting in my way, I think I could have a shot."

"How? I've tried already. She is better at anyone then plotting revenge. If I do anything she'll get me back even worse." Jenny sighed as she sat down on the bed.

"That's why you take her out of the picture completely."

"What?" Jenny asked confused.

"Break Blair so she doesn't care anymore. You know about her mommy issues, Eleanor Waldorf controls Blair's entire self-esteem."

"So that doesn't help. It's not like she would help me."

"Jenny, you are so naïve. You call Eleanor and tell her something that would make her lash out at Blair. I bet she doesn't know the reason she was in the hospital tell her that. Or tell her she is dating Chuck Bass, that would really piss her off."

"I couldn't." Jenny said unsure.

"It's your call. Do it and save your chance at a social life. Don't and welcome to three more years of hell." Penelope said as she handed Jenny her phone with the number on the screen.

Jenny looked at the phone in her hand before finally pressing 'talk'.

The beeps on the line seemed to last an eternity.

"Hello? Mrs. Waldorf, there's something I think you should know about Blair…"

--

Blair was so swept up in the kiss she almost didn't acknowledge that her phone was ringing. She pulled away to grab the phone from her purse.

"Just let it ring." Chuck said in a heated voice.

Blair smiled as she moved out of his embrace.

"It's probably Serena calling with the details of Jenny's downfall.

"Hello…Mom? What's wrong?...Okay I'll be right there." Blair said in a worried tone.

Gossip Girl: Looks like there have been surprises at every corner tonight. What else are these girls hiding up there sleeves, I am dying to know. You know you love me. XOXO.

--

A/N

Thanks for all of the great feedback! I know I am taking some creative liberties in making Jenny meaner than she was, but I need a villain. I have never been to Campbell Apartments so I made the details up, but read a bit about it. The next chapter will be M rated, so this is a warning for anyone who is easily offended. If you are really opposed to the idea let me know and I can work my way around it, but I feel it is important to the story line. Anyway thanks again!


	17. You're a Dream to Me

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Seventeen, You're a Dream to Me

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: This chapter is Mature

Disclaimer: I own nothing

"And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.  
You're what I couldn't find.  
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;  
You're everything to me."

Dreams, The Cranberries

Eleanor Waldorf was a very difficult woman to please. Blair did everything possible to earn her mother's approval, but every time she came so close to making her mother proud something happened to take it all away. Chuck understood all to well the effort it took to try and earn a parent's love. In the Upper East Side unconditional love was not a word in parent's vocabularies.

"I didn't even know she was back from Paris." Blair said quietly in the elevator up to her home.

"Did she say what was wrong?" Chuck asked concerned for Blair.

She shook her head no in reply. After hesitating for a moment Blair decided to continue.

"I've never heard her so emotional or upset. She was worse than when Daddy left her for Roman." She finally added as she watched the ascending numbers of the elevator.

"Whatever it is, Blair, we will get through it." Chuck answered her growing anxieties as he pushed her into a tight embrace.

The doors to the Waldorf penthouse opened to a pacing Eleanor Waldorf. The ding of the elevator broke Mrs. Waldorf from her thoughts to see her young daughter in the arms of Chuck Bass.

"So it is true then, isn't it?" Eleanor demanded.

"I'm sorry?" Blair asked confused.

"You slept with Chuck Bass and Nathaniel in the same week?" Her voice filled in disgust at the very thought.

Blair's cheeks immediately reddened and she moved out of Chuck's embrace.

"Honestly, Blair, an abortion? I raised you to have more class than to be a common slut." Eleanor looked at her daughter with repulsion.

"After everything are family has gone through you just had to insure you ruined the Waldorf name, didn't you?"

Tears began to fill Blair's eyes, but she had to find someway of comforting her mother.

"Mom…I'm sorry…"

"Oh that changes nothing. Do you know how much work your father and I had to do to clean up your eating disorder? Now this? I have an image, Blair, my company has an image and since you aren't up to the task of being representative of my line, the least you can do is not sully our family name with your indiscretions."

Chuck saw Blair crumpling before his eyes, but before he could do anything Blair walked towards her mother grabbing her arms.

"Mom, I didn't- I didn't have an abortion. I wasn't pregnant." Blair said as tears fell from her cheeks.

"Did you sleep with him?" Eleanor's eyes shot to look in Chuck's direction.

Blair couldn't form the words and looked down to avoid her mother's disapproving gaze.

"How will you ever get Nathaniel back? You are settling for being Chuck Bass' whore."

Chuck anger was overflowing now.

"Don't you dare say that to her." Chuck snapped.

Blair's tear streaked face pleaded with him, "Please Chuck. Stay out of this."

"Yes, you have clearly done enough already. I know have the slut of the Upper East Side as a daughter. You know, at least Serena kept her family name out of it."

"Mom, please."

"No, you listen. You aren't like the Serena ven der Woodsen's of the world who can get by on their beauty, Blair. You need our family name, and you just seem set on making us fail, why? What have I done to make you disappoint me in such a way?"

"Mother I never meant-"

"You never mean to, Blair, but somehow you ruin everything. I've given you everything, and you throw it all away. That is what you would be doing with Charles, degrading yourself. If you don't care about making a fool of yourself think of your father and me. Please stop ruining everything"

"No she isn't- Blair, listen to me. It isn't true!" Chuck yelled as he walked towards Blair.

"Did you sleep with both of the boys?" Eleanor asked in such a tone Blair knew not to consider lying.

"Yes."

Eleanor's hand raised so fast and hard that Chuck himself swore he could feel the slap that hit Blair's delicate cheek.

"Get your hands off of her." Chuck ordered as he stepped in between Blair and her mother.

"I don't know what is wrong with you that you are unable to see how wonderful and beautiful your daughter is, but the only thing she has ever done is try and outshine the Waldorf name and turn it into something worthy of being associated to Blair."

"Don't talk to me about my daughter." Eleanor threatened.

"Or what? You don't deserve her as a daughter. She is too good for you."

"No, Charles. She is too good for you. Maybe sending her away would do her some good and help erase the damage she has done to my name."

"I wouldn't bother, the Waldorf name was shot to hell when Harold gave it to you." Chuck yelled as he grabbed Blair's hand and lead her to the elevator.

"I'll make sure Harold knows of how you feel about Blair. We'll see if you still have joint custody after that phone call." Chuck's dark eyes bore into Eleanor.

"Blair, don't you dare walk out that door with _him." _She commanded.

--

"Ladies, let's hear it for Little J" Penelope said raising a glass at the aftermath of her party. "And the end of Blair Waldorf." She added with extra relish.

Jenny gave a defeated smile as she raised her glass.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Jenny asked.

"Who cares." Hazel replied.

"I don't know, guys, her mom sounded pretty murderous when I told her about the abortion and how she didn't know if it was Chuck's or Nate's."

"Of course she did, it's Eleanor she'll probably send Blair to boarding school or something." Iz said as she laughed at Jenny naivety.

"What? I don't want her to be sent away. I just wanted to get my spot back." Jenny said feeling terrible for her actions.

"Well, you do. So be grateful." Penelope answered not liking Jenny's remorseful attitude. "Don't be so innocent, you knew what you were doing, J."

"Do you really think she will be sent away?"

"I hope so. Nothing will kill Nate's crush faster than having her sent away."

"Chuck, will be freed up, too." Hazel said raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"So you to can continue what you already started?" Iz asked.

"Umm yeah." She laughed.

--

Chuck opened the door of his suite for Blair. She had yet to say a word since they left the penthouse. Tears continued to run down her cheeks, but she refused to acknowledge anything Chuck said.

He needed a drink, badly.

As Blair sat herself on his couch he poured himself three fingers of Scotch over ice.

The silence was unbearable for him, but if she didn't want to talk he would just be there for her. He took is glass and went to sit next to her.

Blair was staring at the coffee table without actually being aware of what she was looking at on the table. Chuck reached over and grabbed her left hand from her lap and weaved his fingers with hers.

"Blair, please just say something to me, please." Chuck implored her.

_What happened to just being there for her, Bass?_

"You have to know it isn't true, any of it, Blair." Chuck tried again looking at the endless tears that rolled down her cheek.

"Isn't it though?" she whispered softly.

Chuck wasn't sure what was better the silence or the terrible answer he finally got from her.

"No it isn't." He said as he gently reached to force her to look into his eyes. "I think you are the most beautiful and talented girl I have ever met. Even with tears streaming down your face you are the sexiest woman alive, Waldorf."

Blair's eyes searched Chuck for any sign that he might be saying these wonderful things without sincerity.

"Really?" Blair asked earnestly.

"Do you think anyone else has ever captivated my attention like you have?" Chuck replied killing her fears.

Blair's hands cupped Chuck's much stronger ones touching her face, and pulled them away and freed her face. Her face slowly moved closer to Chuck until she could feel the warmth radiating off of him and smell the Scotch on his lips. Blair licked her lips as she thought of Chuck's tempting ones. Her thoughts were becoming cloudy so close to him. She leaned in and crushed her body against his own.

Chuck easily accepted Blair's additional wait on his body as he laid back on the couch. Her slim fingers were running over his body trying to touch as much of him as possible as her lips tenderly meshed with his giving entrance to her mouth. Blair's appetite could not get enough of feeling Chuck's tongue invading her mouth tasting the strong taste of Scotch.

Chuck's erection was becoming painfully tight against his slacks. He attempted to maneuver Blair off of him so she would not notice how incredibly turned on he was when she was an emotional mess, but every time he tried to pry her body off of him she would grind her hips against him.

"Blair, we should stop." Chuck reasoned as Blair began to suck on his earlobe making it nearly impossible for him to say.

"Please." She asked as her hot tongue moved from his earlobe to trace his jawline.

"I can't take advantage of you, Blair. Not right now, not like this."

"Chuck, make me forget. I want to forget everything she said. Make me feel beautiful again."

He rolled off the touch leaving Blair alone on the couch surprised. She looked up at him upset at the loss of physical contact until he reached out and offered her his hand.

There was no way Chuck Bass could deny Blair's request.

"Then let's do this right, Waldorf."

She smiled as she took his hand and allowed him to pull her from the couch. His other hand grabbed a lock of her brown tresses running his hand to feel the silkiness of her lavender scented hair. Chuck guided her to his bed and gently laid her down.

He stepped towards the foot of the bed and discarded one of her stilettos from her dainty foot and pressed a kiss into her ankle. The other shoe soon found its pair on the floor as Chuck's lips slowly grazed up her irresistible legs.

"You have the best set of legs in all of New York." Chuck said as his tongue licked the back of her knee.

Blair squirmed down on the bed trying to guide Chuck to where she wanted to feel his tongue the most.

"Chuck..." she moaned trying to get him to speed his attention to her hot wet core that was already clenching in anticipation.

"Waldorf, I am going to worship your body they way it deserves. You said you wanted to be distracted. You never mentioned wanting to come." Chuck snickered evilly.

"You wouldn't do that to me." Blair whimpered not able to imagine his not allowing her a release.

"Be quiet or I'll stop completely." Chuck threatened even though he knew he would never do such a terrible thing to her. He would make her come, but he was going to take his time. She would be begging for a climax before he gave in.

Chuck rough hand skimmed up her creamy thigh moving away the slinky material of her dress. His tongue licked and nibbled at the sensitive skin as he watched goosebumps cover her legs.

Blair's legs wrapped around Chuck's body in an attempt to push him against her body. She wanted to rub against his hardness if he was not willing to help her with her aching desire.

"Blair, are you going to behave?" Chuck asked as he pulled her legs away and freed himself.

"No." She pouted looking at Chuck unbelievably. He snickered in reply and got off of the bed leaving Blair all alone.

"I was kidding, I'll be good just come back please?" Blair begged, but Chuck continued his walk back to the couch.

"I don't know if you can, Waldorf." Chuck countered as he grabbed his neglected Scotch taking a much needed gulp.

"I can, I can."

Chuck gave her another one of his signature smirks as he made his way back to the bed.

"No more warnings. You'll be a good girl?"

Blair vigorously shook her head up and down.

"You make one sound and I stop." Chuck threatened, but she nodded her head in agreement.

Chuck rested his Scotch on the table next to the bed after taking one last sip to catch an ice cube in his mouth. He settled on top of Blair and began to leave wet kisses on her neck and collar bone.

His eyes shot up to watch his Blair bite down on her lip to prevent the gasp from escaping. Chuck refocused his attention to her perky breasts and flicked her prevalent nipples with his thumbs. He messaged them through the smooth material before he took one silk covered breast into his mouth. Blair squirmed in reaction to the coldness against her very delicate skin.

Chuck moved down lower her body sucking and kissing his way up her upper thighs, but once again avoiding the area he knew she most wanted him to shower with attention. He moved her dress up over her hips and his hands caressed her hips as he dipped her tongue into her bellybutton.

Blair had her eyes clinched tightly very afraid one moan would stop his forthcoming distractions.

Chuck moaned against her snowy skin. It had been far too long since he had tasted her like this. He knew she was dying for a release, but he wanted to her to enjoy ever caress and show his devotion to her.

"You want to come, princess?" Chuck asked and Blair whose hands were strangling the sheets with her hands.

Her eyes barred into Chuck's as she fervently shook her head still afraid to let a sound escape her pouty red lips.

Chuck lifted the thin material of her navy dress over her head and admired her in her matching black lace lingerie. His fingertips lightly grazed the skin swelling over her strapless bra.

"What do you want me to do?" Chuck challenged.

She looked up at him with wide eyes. Everything was still so knew to her she didn't know how to answer.

"Make me come." She replied unsure of what to say.

Chuck smiled at how shy she looked flushed and lying on the bed.

"Your wish is my command, princess. Just tell me what you want."

"I- I want to feel you inside of me." Blair said in a quiet voice.

Chuck ran his hand down her stomach stopping at her lacy panties and slipped one finger to skim the very top the skin just barely covered.

"What do you want to feel inside of you, Blair?" He tortured her as his tongue began lick through her flimsy bra.

Blair merely moaned in response.

"My fingers?" Chuck asked he slipped his hand out of her panties and used his middle finger to trace a line on her panties where he could already feel her wetness.

Blair shook her head no in response although her hips rocked against his finger.

"No. Hmm my tongue?" Chuck asked as Blair whimpered in both pleasure and need.

"Chuck, you know what I want." Blair said as her hand moved to cup his hard erection. She fisted his hardness and began to run her hand up and down turning the tables by teasing him.

Chuck wanted her just as badly as she wanted him. Blair dainty hands reached for his belt and quickly unclasped it and threw it to the floor. She unbuttoned his pants and Chuck obligingly took them off.

"Are you sure?" Chuck asked before her removed the only article of clothing between he and Blair.

"I am sure about you, Chuck." Blair responded honestly.

He moved the thin black lace down her long legs and spread her legs before him so he could look at her. Her wetness caused her to glisten. Chuck ran a finger between her lips and moaned.

"You are so hot, Blair." He said as he continued to tease her with his finger. He slowly began to pump his finger in and out of her and she rocked along matching her rhythm.

"Chuck, please." she begged.

He reached up up the table beside opening the drawer in order to give her what she wanted and keep her safe. He quickly put on the condom and positioned himself at her entrance.

Slowly, Chuck entered her relishing in the tight feel of her wrapped around him.

"God, Blair, you are so tight." He growled as Chuck continued to slowly enter her until he was in her to the hilt.

He pumped in and out slowly enjoying the feel of her underneath him. He took his time and worshiped her body just as he had promised, and after Blair had ridden out her first orgasm Chuck picked up the pace to meet her.

The two were exhausted afterwards. Chuck rolled off of her, but immediately pulled her next to him.

The couple slipped under the covers still naked and wanting to feel the others skin against their own. Blair laid blissfully happy next to Chuck as the she stared into the darkness of the room.

Blair snuggled closer to him as she watched his chest rising and falling before leaving one last kiss on his chest and closing her eyes for sleep.

"I love you, Chuck Bass." Blair spoke to the man she believed to be sleeping next to her.

Chuck pretended to sleep as he thought of the confession Blair had just made.

**Gossip Girl: Little J had better watch her back. There is only one crazy bitch around here and bringing her mother into is throwing down the gauntlet. We hear she is paired up with a Bass so I hope you have got something good up your sleeve. I'd be scared little J... **

**--**

A/N

Sorry it has been so long. I had an accident and have been MIA for awhile but I promise I am not going anywhere. I just had to have a surgery and physical therapy and have just been too busy. Well, let me know what you think. Thanks so much for all of the feedback and staying with this story. I am really sorry for the delay, but I am back! Reviews are love!


	18. Those Three Words

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Eighteen, Those Three Words

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: This chapter is back to T

Disclaimer: I own nothing

"I don't quite know 

How to say 

How I feel  

Those three words 

Are said too much 

They're not enough 

 If I lay here 

If I just lay here 

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

It was quite amazing how two people in the same bed could sleep so differently. Blair was sleeping soundly exhausted from the previous nights activities. However, Chuck Bass had just entered an uneasy sleep.

_"I love you, Chuck Bass"_

Why hadn't he said it back?

Chuck had already admitted his love to her while she slept in the hospital. But, it was different then. He hadn't really admitted anything by confessing to a comatose girl.

He tried to reason with himself that she too, had believed he was asleep when she said she loved him. Maybe she hadn't truly meant to say those three words to him.

_Those three words. I. Love. You. Fucking changes everything._

Chuck had kept repeating her soft soprano voice saying those words all night. He couldn't deny that it did bring a smile to his face remembering the light kiss she left on his chest as she said the words because he could not remember anyone actually ever saying them to him before.

Tossing and turning in the bed, Chuck finally decided that she wasn't ready to confess everything either if she had waited for him to be asleep before saying it. He reasoned that it didn't even count. His mind felt more at ease as he pushed all thoughts aside of having to make whatever was going on between he and Blair more serious by having such a conversation, and he closed his eyes and went to sleep. But, not before leaving a kiss on the sleeping beauty's forehead.

--

The irritating noise was truly annoying the hell out of Chuck Bass. Who ever invented personalized ring tones was an evil person as he heard "Piece of Me" in his suite.

_"I'm Miss American Dream since I was seventeen_

_Don't matter if I step on the scene or sneak away to the Philippines"_

"Ugh make it stop!" He moaned unhappily.

"Sorry." Blair replied sleepily as she searched around for where she had left her phone.

Blair silenced Serena's incoming call and realized she had missed several text messages.

Chuck groaned as Blair nestled back in bed next to him.

"Someone is in a fabulous mood this morning." Blair teased.

"Well I do remember staying up last night satisfying someone's _needs_ last night."

Blair immediately thought back to what had taken place in the very bed they were now sleeping in.

"Oh please, you enjoyed every minute of it." Blair countered.

"I never said I didn't, I just need to get my rest before we start again." Chuck smarmed as he enveloped Blair into his arms and nuzzled her neck with his stubbly cheek.

"Chuck-" Blair half laughed half groaned trying to stop his advances. "I have to text Serena back..." but Chuck continued to try and seduce Blair away from her phone. He was leaving kisses down her collarbone as Blair accepted defeat.

"Mmm I think there should be a rule Waldorf, no clothes in bed, ever. I love waking up to your naked body." Chuck said as he ran his hands down Blair's slim form. Blair reached up and captured Chuck's lips gently against her own.

_"I'm Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous_

_(You want a piece of me) _

_I'm Mrs. Oh my God that Britney's Shameless _

_(You want a piece of me)"_

This time Blair could not avoid her preoccupied friend, and rolled out from underneath Chuck.

"Waldorf, come back to bed." Chuck commanded as Blair grabbed her phone and stepped away from Chuck's tempting lips.

She shot Chuck an apologetic smile as she answered. "Hello?"

"Blair, where have you been? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Serena. I'm with Chuck."

"Where are you, Blair? You two never came home last night. Do you know how worried we've been? Especially after the Gossip Girl post." She added quickly.

"I'm sorry." Blair offered, not really wanting to explain why the two had not come back to the apartment, especially with Chuck standing a few feet away. "Wait, what Gossip Girl post?" Blair backtracked confused.

"It said Jenny called your mom. Did she, Blair?" Serena asked concerned.

Blair sighted softly processing the information.

"So it was Little Jenny Humphrey who called my mom."

"Oh God, she really did it. Are you okay? What happened? Did Eleanor freak out on you?"

"I'm fine Serena, Chuck was with me. I really am okay, but can I call you back later?" Blair asked feeling uncomfortable on the phone with her nakedness and Chuck's gaze.

"Promise? I can call Nate for you, too. He has been really worried since we couldn't get a hold of you or Chuck."

"That would be great, Serena." She offered not wanting someone else worried about her too.

"So any reason neither of you would answer your phones last night, Blair?"

"Okay, thank you, Serena. Love you. Call you soon!" Blair replied quickly as she began to press end.

"Blair!-"

As she looked around for Chuck's form she saw him slipping his boxer brief's back on and searching for his own phone.

"Were Serena and Nate drunk dialing last night?" Chuck asked in regards to the many missed calls and texts on his phone.

Blair rolled her eyes, "No, Gossip Girl posted about my mom finding out, so they figured I probably freaked out. They wanted to make sure I was okay."

"And you are, right?" Chuck asked her as he walked over to her.

She gave a small smile before looking at the man she was in love with.

"What's with the clothes, Bass? I didn't know there was a dress code."

"There's not." He said as he cupped her exposed breast and gently messaged it. "But, I'm hungry and I thought I could take you out to breakfast." He said as he kissed her shoulder causing her to gently moan. "Or not." He said seductively.

"No." Blair said stepping away from his advances. "Breakfast sounds good, but there is something else I need to do first. Would you mind taking me to _Brooklyn_?" Blair asked as her nose wrinkled in disgust at the last word.

"Yes. I would actually." Chuck said mirroring her response to the location. "What's in Brooklyn?"

"Little Humphrey. I want to have a quick chat with her. She called my mom to tell her what ever pissed off my mother so badly."

"So you are going to give her a fair warning that we are going to take her down?" Chuck asked as he gently curled a strand of her luscious hair around his finger.

" No." She said surprising Chuck as he let the curl go as he pushed it behind her ear. "I'm letting her know it isn't worth it to me anymore."

"What- Blair- we can fix this." Chuck said unsure of Blair's motive.

"I know, but I don't care. I have what matters," she said as she cupped Chuck's cheek. "You, Serena, Nate. You guys are all I need."

"Fine," Chuck said. "I will take you, but this conversation isn't over."

"Fine." Blair said rolling her eyes once again. "I have to go up to the apartment to get something to change into." She changed the subject looking at the discarded dress on the floor.

"Why? I think you look great." Chuck said with a smile forming on his lips.

Blair squinted her eyes in response.

"Okay. Let's go to the place on 15th I hear the waiters are really cute."

Chuck's smile vanished quickly.

_Touch_é_, Waldorf, touch_é_._

--

"They should just get it over with already and get rid of the bridge connecting this place to the city." Blair stated as she looked outside the limo window on her way to the Humphrey loft.

Chuck snickered in response.

"Serena would be quite upset at the loss of Humphrey."

"He would have to relocate." She said as if it was the most logical thought.

"Making friends?" Chuck asked with a raised brow.

"I wouldn't go that far." Blair said, but she was truly grateful for everything Dan had done for her, and maybe she was warming up to him _just a tad. _But, it didn't matter she would never admit to it.

Chuck himself found he was growing fonder of Humphrey, as well. If he hadn't been there to find Blair… he didn't want to think about it.

"So, are you really going to go in there and admit defeat?" Chuck challenged.

"I'm not admitting defeat, Chuck. I'm just tired of these stupid games. The prize isn't worth it anymore, so why waste my time?"

"I could do it for you." He offered softly. "You wouldn't have to get your hands dirty at all."

Blair gave him a small smile, as she shook her head no.

"We're here."

"Let's get this over with so we can go back to the Upper East Side and disinfect." Chuck replied as he opened the door for Blair.

"Charming." Blair sarcastically stated as she saw the bags of trash lying next to the building. "I can't believe I am willingly coming here again."

The two quietly ascended the stairs as Blair rehearsed in her head what she was going to say to Jenny. This wasn't a peace offering in the least. It was Blair letting her know, once and for all, that she was out.

In the beginning, Blair had taken her in under her wing. Very few freshmen were actually accepted as projects, and they always had to go through their initiation period. This is how she was rewarded for trying to give her the lifestyle she dreamed about, dethroned.

Blair knocked loudly and severely on the door to the Humphrey loft. All traces of worry were gone. She was still Blair Waldorf, after all.

Blair would not give her the satisfaction of coming there broken. She would keep her head held high, and Blair would walkout with all the grace she possessed.

Chuck watched her out of the corner of his eye as she took a deep breath to calm her nerves. As a sign of support her grabbed her hand and squeezed it, but then let go.

"Hello?" Jenny more questioned then greeted as she opened the heavy door. "Blair, Chuck what are you doing here?" She asked nervously.

"Relax I'm not looking for revenge, although I should-"

"Blair, wait- I am so sorr-"

"No, Jenny, it's your turn to listen. I think you have already said plenty, _to my mother_."

Jenny flinched as if she had been slapped because she was indeed guilty of the action.

"You know there is such a thing as taking it too far."

"Blair, I know…"

"I don't want to hear it, Jenny. How do you think your father would react to hearing everything you've been up to lately?" Blair asked as she smiled icily.

"Blair, you can't" Jenny pleaded.

"Oh no? What if I told your father a terrible lie about you so he could think the worst about you?"

"Blair-"

"Well, it wouldn't compare to giving my mother the ammunition, as the one person I am always trying to please, to tell me how disgusted she is with me. And how she wants to send me away so I don't ruin the Waldorf name. Loving mother, huh?"

"I'm so sorry-"

"I told you I don't want to hear it!" Blair yelled losing her collected attitude momentarily. Chuck quickly grabbed Blair's hand to give her the courage to continue. Jenny looked at the tightly clasped hands.

"There are some things that are sacred, like family. I would never destroy your father's opinion of you like that."

Blair took a deep breath and looked at Chuck for a second before looking back at Jenny.

"A long time ago I told you there was a price to pay for all of this, and I asked you, you had to decide if it was worth it."

"Well, I am here to tell you that it isn't. You aren't worth competing in this little game. Because now I know who really matters in my life, who my true friends are."

Jenny looked to the ground uncomfortably. She couldn't bear to look into Blair's intense gaze any longer.

"A word of advice, Jenny. You better be on your toes because the rest of the girls will turn on you in a heartbeat."

"We're done here." Blair finished looking up at Chuck. "Let's get out of here." Chuck put his hand on Blair's lower back to guide her towards the staircase.

"You go ahead, Blair, I'll be down in a second."

Blair raised a perfectly plucked brow at Chuck.

"Just go down to the limo. I will meet you there in a moment." He reiterated.

Blair walked down the first step suspicious of what Chuck was up to, but trusting him nevertheless.

"A word, Jenny." His said in a tone that let her know she had no choice in the matter.

"Blair seems to be extremely forgiving. She just wants this to stop, and I don't blame her. She has been through so much, and I just want what she wants. Except with you." Chuck said as he gave her an evil smirk that made Jenny shudder.

"Chuck, you have to know-"

"It would seem Blair is wanting to take the high road, and let you go. I on the other hand think you need to be taught your place."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean."

"Bullshit." Chuck snapped. "You knew exactly what you were doing and why you were doing it. It didn't matter who you tried to walk over in the process. Well, you fucked up, Little J. If I were you it wouldn't be the other girls I would be worried about."

Jenny bit her lip nervously.

"Enjoy the time you have left. I promise you it will be short."

**Gossip Girl: When an animal is provoked it has to options: flight or fight. Escape quickly and remain unharmed. But keep attacking the animal and it only has one option, fight. When it becomes backed into a corner and the only chance of survival is fight, you better believe it will bring game you never knew it had.**

"I don't think it will be as short as you want." Jenny replied with a shaky voice.

Chuck gave a small laugh at her pathetic attempt.

"Oh, no?" He replied playing along.

"No." Jenny smiled trying to attempt Blair's. "Because it looks to me like you and Blair are pretty close. So she probably wouldn't be too happy to hear about you and Hazel, huh?"

The smirk on Chuck's face disappeared completely.

"And she probably would like to see the pictures even less."

"You're bluffing." Chuck said as he searched Jenny's eyes.

"I guarantee you I am not. If you try anything I will send the pictures to Gossip Girl. And after her mom hurt her so badly I don't think you really want her to see you with another girl's tongue down your throat."

Chuck's mind immediately snapped back to the night at the Palace. Blair's face when she saw the woman in his bed was devastating, and now that they were so close again he couldn't let her see that. Especially after their previous evening together.

**Gossip Girl: It looks like Little J is becoming quite the tiger.**

"Good. It looks like we have an understanding." Jenny said as she looked at Chuck's stone hard expression.

--

Blair smiled at Chuck as she buttered her toast.

"Thank you for coming with me this morning."

Chuck merely nodded in return.

"So, what did you need to talk to Jenny about?" Blair asked after holding in the question as long as possible.

Chuck's eyes snapped to look at Blair.

"Nothing why?" He demanded nervously.

"Relax, Chuck." She smiled at his concern. "I'm just glad this is all finally over." She said as she reached over to grab Chuck's hand.

He turned to the side as he inaudibly replied, "Yeah."

"You know, I never did thank you for everything that you have done for me. It really means so much to me that you've been with me here through all of it." Blair said as she squeezed his hand in hopes he would make eye contact.

"It has reminded me of how important you are to me, and how much fun we have together. We make a pretty good team, right Bass?"

"Mmhmm" He agreed still staring off into space.

"And there is something I have been wanting to say for a while, but everything between us just never seems to work out quite right."

"I love you. I am in love with you, Chuck Bass!" Blair finished excitedly and smiled brightly.

Chuck looked at her from out of his daze. A small smile began to form on his lips as he registered the words that she just said.

"_I love you."_

_How long had he wanted to hear those words?_

But then, Chuck's throat got tight as he thought about her confession.

Chuck's mind raced to Jenny's threat and the pictures she had of him with Hazel. Those pictures could ruin everything between him and Blair. Chuck let go of Blair's hand as he started thinking of a way he explain the pictures, or better yet get rid of them.

"Chuck, say something?" Blair said as her smile transformed into a frown.

"I..Uh…I" Chuck stuttered trying to think of what to say.

And just as quickly as she had said the three words she regretted it.

"Never mind. I don't know what I was thinking. Forget it." Blair said as her emotional wall climbed up around her again.

"Blair I…"

"No don't worry. I didn't mean to say it." She lied.

Before he knew what was happening she was snapping into motion grabbing her purse and giving off an excuse to leave.

"Blair-wait!" he yelled.

There were three words. Three magic words and he could get her to stop, to come back and they would enjoy their meal. But, he couldn't say them, not yet.

And so she was gone.

--

Thanks for all of the feedback! Leave me some love; you know you want to! xoxo


	19. I Know More than I Knew Before

Story: I Feel it All

Chapter Nineteen, I Know More than I Knew Before

Author: Bellakatalina

Rating: M

Summary: Takes place after A Thin Line between Chuck and Nate. The story starts as soon as Blair leaves the bar after talking to Chuck. Blair doesn't runaway she stays and decides to disappear.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl

"I love you more

I love you more

I don't know what I knew before

But now I know I wanna win the war"

Feist, I Feel it All

Blair felt like such a fool. Why had she said those three little words? Everything between she and Chuck had been going smoothly.

People were hurriedly walking past small shops lining the streets. The small colorful items in the window display caught Blair's attention, and she stopped to admire the display. Everything was organized into rows- straight and neat- controlled.

Her legs carried her into the small shop. Like a child in a toyshop, Blair examined the items carefully making her decision. Each pastry looked delicious so it was hard to make-up her mind.

"One of each." Blair answered the smiling attendant.

Each pastry was individual wrapped in tissue paper before being placed in a small box with a few other items. When the box was full a bow was tied around the box, like a present.

_I said I love you to Chuck Bass? I love you to the boy who can't do commitment?_

Blair carried her boxes away stomping her heels into the pavement. She pushed past people quickly making her way to where she could find comfort and be alone.

_He is probably so smug over the fact I admitted I loved him._

She lost control of the situation with Chuck. She admitted too much. She let her walls down.

She walked hurriedly because she needed to get rid of the feeling. She wanted to cover the pain she felt with something else, something that would give her control again.

Blair ignored the greetings from the doorman as she hastily walked through the doors. An elderly woman tried to catch the elevator, but Blair pretended she had not heard her ask to hold the elevator.

Blair's mind could not be swayed from her course of action.

As she entered the apartment she noticed the lack of light and the quietness. Blair walked through the lifeless apartment to insure she was truly alone. Eric and Chuck's rooms were empty – Serena was in Brooklyn – giving her the privacy she needed.

Blair closed the door to Serena's room and unwrapped her presents, once again lining them up on the bed – petite fours, eclairs, macaroons. She dipped one finger into the soft, pink icing and brought it to her lips licking off the sugary item.

--

The restaurant goers were still enjoying their meals in the sunshine the spring day in New York was providing, everyone except Chuck Bass.

He rested his head in his hands as he sighed dejectedly.

She had said what he had always longed to hear. He knew she wanted to hear it back. And he did; he really did. But, he had never said those words to anyone in so long. As soon as he said those words he lost the person.

He needed to find Blair. He needed to make her understand how important she was to him.

Chuck absent-mindedly threw a few bills onto the table as he got out of the chair. Although he knew she wouldn't answer he slipped out his phone because she might accidently answer – to yell at him perhaps – and divulge her location.

The sound of her voicemail was not the greeting he wanted.

"Blair- we need to talk. Call me, okay."

Where would Blair Waldorf be after having her heart broken?

_Alone. Definitely. Blair would not want anyone to see her crying._

_After the run in with Eleanor she wouldn't try and hide out at their penthouse._

Chuck stepped into the limo as he tried calling her again.

_Don't be so damn stubborn, Waldorf!_

Chuck yelled to the driver to go to some of her favorite places in the city. Chuck would find her no matter how long it took.

--

It was a form of control. Blair needed to know that she could manipulate everything in her world, and when she lost that control, she broke. The pattern was there, the binging and the purging. She let herself lose all control and eat things she normally wouldn't allow herself to touch unless in total moderation. The binging meant Blair had lost all control.

The purging was how Blair gained the power back. To rid herself of the evidence of actually binging on food, she purged. She forced her body to do what she wanted, and as sick as it was she would feel better. This was how she gained back her control. No one could take this control away from her. Not the doctors or her parents, her body was hers to manipulate.

Blair was so lost in her thoughts that she never heard the doors open or the sound of footsteps down the hall.

When Blair didn't respond to the knock on the door, Chuck slowly cracked the door open.

"Blair?" He called softly.

As he opened the door a bit wider the first thing to catch his eye, was the discarded boxes of pastries thrown next to the door.

Immediately, Chuck pushed past the boxes and found Blair kneeling on the floor merely looking at the bed.

The bed that was lined with colored pastries in neat rows.

She didn't say anything; she kept her gaze on the desserts.

"Blair." He called again more firmly as he gently shook her shoulder to break her out of her trance.

"Don't Blair. Please, don't do this." He said quietly.

The words finally broke her focus and she turned to him as if she had just realized he was there.

"I'm not." She replied softly.

"I wanted to." She continued honestly. "At first it was all I could think about on my way back here. But I don't want to be this. I don't want this to happen every time something doesn't go the way I want. It isn't control is it? It's weakness. I can see that now. Now, I am controlling myself by not giving in."

Chuck was at a loss for words. He sat on the floor with his back to the bed, facing Blair. He grabbed her and pushed her into his arms.

"What is wrong with me that causes me to do this?" Blair asked sadly. "It's pathetic."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Blair. You've got these stupid ideas because of your horrible mother and Nate's feeble attempt to be a boyfriend. I think you are prefect. You have a problem, but you acknowledge it. You are strong enough to fight it. And I will be here with you."

Chuck ran his hands through her hair gently forcing her face towards his so she could see the sincerity in his eyes.

"I'm sorry I-"

"No, Chuck- don't apologize. I overreacted. I know I did. I am the one who is sorry. I made a scene and ruined our perfect breakfast." She said biting her lip softly as she finished.

"That's it?" Chuck asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

"You are letting me off hook and you are taking the blame? I thought I would have to make a trip to Tiffany's at least, and then explain to Bart why there was a severe chunk of my savings missing." Chuck replied with a smirk on his lips.

Blair pushed him away rolling her eyes. "I know, okay. I am sorry I made a scene."

"Please, Waldorf, you wouldn't be you if you didn't make a scene every now and then. You love it. Making me prove how much I want to be with you. And for you, I don't mind." Chuck said looking at her.

"I didn't mean it you know." Blair said sighing softly.

"When I said I was only lying to you, it wasn't true. I do. I love you, Chuck. And you don't have to say it back, I understand. But, I still want you to know that I love you."

Chuck's lips were on hers instantly. His tongue ran across her lower lip until she parted them slightly allowing him to taste her.

As the kiss was turning more passionate, Chuck pulled back.

"I want to." Chuck said softly looking at his hands instead of her eyes. "I want to say it because I do. I care about you so much."

"I know you do" Blair said smiling. "I mean you haven't even looked at another girl since the hospital. What could possibly keep Chuck Bass away from women if it wasn't big?" She said as she playfully hit his arm.

Chuck's throat tightened at the mention of another woman. As soon as he dogged one bullet another had his name written on it.

"What's wrong?" Blair asked surprised he had moved away.

"Look I don't know how to say this- or if it's even the right thing to do - there is something I have to tell you." Chuck confessed in a voice he himself did not recognize.

Blair inwardly cringed the words sparked the memory of Nate's confession of sleeping with Serena. Immediately she prepared for the worse.

"It was the night you went out with Nate. I went to the bar because I didn't want to watch you two together. I thought I could hang out there until he left."

Blair narrowed her eyes keeping her gaze on him.

"I was by myself until Hazel came by. I tried to brush her off, but she started complaining about Jenny. I thought maybe after a few drinks she would slip something we could use against them, so I bought some drinks. After a while, I realized she had nothing to tell, and she moved in and we kissed."

Chuck stopped and watched her for a reaction.

"But…that was it…you guys kissed?" Her heart was pounding so hard she was sure Chuck could hear it beating.

"Of course! Even drunk I know I don't want to sleep with Hazel. The second her lips touched mine I regretted it because they weren't your lips."

Blair and Chuck continued to stare each other down. The silence was driving him crazy.

"Do we get to go to Tiffany's now?" Blair asked breaking the quietness.

Chuck was unsure of her reaction. He was expecting fire and brimstone. Why wasn't she furious?

"That's it? You're not mad?" He asked unsure of this not-jealous Blair sitting next to him.

"Well, while the image you and your tongue down Hazel's throat doesn't thrill me, we weren't dating, and I don't think it is possible for a drunk, single Chuck Bass to not make-out with a female. I'm sure a new tennis bracelet can make it better."

Chuck prused his lips thinking it through.

"So next time this happens I can get you the matching necklace to get out of trouble?" Chuck smirked.

"There's going to be a next time?" Blair asked seriously and Chuck regretted even attempting the joke.

"Of course not- I was…"

"Relax, Bass, you get by on a technicality this time"

"Technicality? We weren't dating."

"Well, you knew we were inevitable."

"We're inevitable, Waldorf?" Chuck asked changing the subject.

"Yes, because you can't resist me." She smirked as he eyed her approvingly.

"You're right about that" Chuck breathed out.

"Good, so let's go to Tiffany's." Blair said as she stood up and straitened the wrinkles out of her skirt.

"Is there anyway I am getting out of this?" Chuck asked defeated.

"No, now let's go." Blair reached her hand down to help pull him up. Chuck took her hand and pulled her down to the floor on top of him. He kissed her passionately and when she moaned he knew they wouldn't be leaving the apartment anytime soon.

Chuck rolled them over and began kissing her neckline.

"How about I make it up to you another way instead?" His tongue reached the valley between her breasts and he dipped his tongue in and followed by breathing his hot breathe over her skin.

Blair licked her lips as she nodded her head "You're still taking me to Tiffany's after." She replied hoarsely.

Chuck lifted her blouse over her head and quickly removed her bra. Gently messaging a breast in each hand he increased more pressure causing her to whimper with desire.

Chuck kissed his way down to the top of her skirt and pushed the material down and tossed it aside. He roughly spread her legs apart and settled in between them. Chuck kissed through the flimsy panties already able to taste her wetness on them.

Blair locked eyes with Chuck as he slowly removed her panties. He smirked at her before dipping his head back down to taste her.

"You are so wet, Blair." Chuck replied after his tongue and slip across her. He licked her clit enjoying the sounds of her moans.

His arm moved from holding her leg apart to her hot core where he slowly pushed a finger into her. Blair's hips bucked against his hand relishing in the feeling. His second finger entered her making her closer and closer to her orgasm.

Her hands fisted Chuck's hair insuring his head would not be moving. He sucked on her clit and began to thrust his fingers faster and faster. He knew any second she would be there.

She cried his name as she came. He felt her entire body convulse around him and he left one small kiss on her as he looked up to see her flushed cheeks with a small smile on her face.

Chuck kissed her lips, and she opened her eyes to see him.

"Your turn." She said seductively as she turned them over so she could be on top.

Blair's hands skimmed over his erection before quickly removing the clothing that was preventing her from doing what she wanted. Blair wrapped her hands around his long shaft and began to run her right hand up and down his length varying the pressure.

Blair lowered her mouth to the tip of his dick sucking on the tip.

"Oh God Blair!"

Slowly, Blair took him deeper and deeper into her mouth and still worked him with her hand.

Chuck was enjoying the feel of her tight mouth around him licking and teasing him.

"Ride me." He said to which Blair smiled sensually before moving up to him. Blair reached behind her to grab Chuck's discarded pants and fished out the condom from his wallet.

Chuck let out a load moan as Blair fisted his shaft after putting on the condom. She lowered herself onto his hardness adjusting to his size. After Chuck's dick was filling her he arched his hips so he would be hitting her at the angle he knew she loved.

Blair quickly rocked her hips up and down.

"I love watching your tits when you ride me." Chuck said as he reached to grab one. Blair's head fell back as he played with her nipple pinching it hard.

As Chuck was getting closer he moved his hands to her hips as he helped her quicken the pace.

"I love you!" Blair cried out as she came and Chuck had to move her hips. The words sent Chuck over the edge and he followed suit.

"Oh My God!" Serena yelled as she saw what was going on in her bedroom from the hall.

Chuck and Blair's heads snapped into the direction of the voice as Serena tried to cover her eyes and look away.

"Seriously. In my room?!" She yelled.

Blair tried to modestly cover herself with a blanket as she grabbed her clothes. Chuck slipped on his boxers quickly.

"Well, what can I say sis? I wanted to make sure I got every room in the house."

"Oh gross, Chuck!" She said still trying to avoid eye contact but let her furry known. "You couldn't have at least closed the door, Blair?"

"Sorry- I thought you moved to Brooklyn. I thought someone should use your room." Blair replied with as much pride as she could even though her cheeks were bright pink. Blair stepped out of Serena's room fully dressed.

"Out! Get out of my room, Chuck!" she yelled as Chuck leisurely strolled out of the room half dressed.

"Why are their cakes all over my bed?" Serena asked confused.

Blair and Chuck shrugged in response.

"You two are paying for my carpets to be replaced." She yelled to their retreating forms.

"How about a shower before we go get my Tiffany's bracelet?" Blair asked her eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

--

"I'm surprised you actually admitted to kissing Hazel." Blair said as she glanced at the bracelets through the glass cases. Chuck's back was to the counter as he watched Blair's eyes as the grazed over the jewels. "Especially since we weren't technically dating."

"You would've found out eventually." Chuck replied as he shrugged his shoulders.

"That's right. I would've so don't ever forget that." Blair said as she looked up to meet his eyes. He smirked and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"I wouldn't be stupid enough for that. A Waldorf for Hazel?"

"Good." Blair said as she smiled and went back to looking at the jewels.

"And the Little Humphrey bitch was trying to hold it over my head."

"What?" Blair asked as she eye's snapped back to meet his. "She is trying to blackmail you. She has no idea what she is getting into."

"As much as I love seeing this side of you, I thought you were finished with the plotting."

"I am. But, I think I will have to have a little talk with her." Blair replied as she gave an evil smile. "That one." Blair's finger pointed to the bracelet she chose.

Chuck rolled his eyes as he looked at the bracelet, "You do know that is the one I showed you when we walked in over an hour ago?"

"Yes, but I wanted to consider all of my options."

Chuck waved at the sales person as he took out his black Amex card.

"The ruby and diamond tennis bracelet."

"Of course, sir."

The sales person wrapped the package and passed it to a smiling Blair.

"Anything else?" Chuck asked Blair with a questioning glance.

"Yes. Hopefully, this is the last time I will ever say this, but…take me to Brooklyn?"

"We'll have to shower again." Chuck challenged with his trademark smirk.

"Deal."

--

"Jenny, have you ever kissed anyone?" Elise asked her friend as they looked at magazines on the floor of Jenny's bedroom.

"No, not really." Jenny replied thinking of the brief kiss she had shared when Nate kissed her quickly, thinking she was Serena.

"Are you worried about whether or not you are a good kisser?"

"I don't know. I never really thought about it." Jenny asked as she suddenly began to worry. "How would you know if you are a bad kisser? Oh my god what if a guy said that to you!" Jenny said thinking about how embarrassing that situation would be.

"I know. I worry about that a lot too." Elise said turning her body to face Jenny.

"What if- What if we practiced with each other?" Elise asked shyly.

"What – are you serious?" Jenny asked a bit shocked.

"I don't know, girls do that all the time. It's not that weird. It's just practice so we won't be bad kissers."

"Yeah, I guess, but it is just so weird. Don't you think?"

"Look Jenny, just close your eyes and try it that way when you do kiss a guy the first time you'll know what to really expect." She reasoned.

"We'll just try it really quick ok?" She asked slightly uncomfortable with the situation. She glanced towards her door to make sure it was closed.

Elise moved closer to Jenny and brushed her lips against her. She eagerly thrust her tongue into Jenny's mouth.

She pulled away when Jenny didn't react.

"You have to kiss me back if this is going to work." Elise told Jenny who nodded her head.

As Elise moved in to kiss Jenny, Jenny rested her hand against Elise's cheek. She caressed her tongue with hers and felt Elise's hand moving onto her breast.

Jenny began to feel very awkward with where this situation was headed, and begin to move away when she heard a clicking noise.

Both girls broke apart to see Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass staring at the girls. Blair's mouth was open, and Chuck's hand was wrapped around his camera phone.

"Oh. My. Effing. God." Blair exclaimed as her eyes sparkled as if it was Christmas morning.

"We were just practicing-"

"No need to explain. Your personal business." Blair said looking down at the girls. "Elise I think you should leave. Now." Blair said a bit threatening.

The smaller girl threw an apologetic glance at Jenny before leaving the room. Jenny swallowed nervously as she thought of any possible excuse.

"You really should be more careful, Little J." Blair said as she walked closer to Jenny.

"Blair – please you can't. You just can't." Jenny said as tears began to form in her eyes.

"Please? Are you crying?" Blair said as she starred her down. "I thought I made myself perfectly clear last time. I'm finished. You aren't worth this trouble, but if you are trying to blackmail my boyfriend then you are just begging me to come back into the game."

Chuck admired his Blair as her ferocity and confidence came back. His chest also swelled when she said 'boyfriend'.

"Do you understand this time?" Blair asked her sweet voice painfully fake.

Jenny nodded her head.

"Good."

Blair grabbed Chuck's hand and walked out of the Humphrey loft for, hopefully, the last time.

As they got into the limo Blair felt her phone vibrate softly in her purse.

"New text message." She said softly as Chuck closed the limo door.

"Chuck!" Blair shouted as she read the text message.

"What, you never told her I wouldn't say anything. And, I did warn her I would get her back for what she did to you." Chuck said in reply.

Blair shrugged her shoulders.

"Oh well, I tried." Blair was washing her hands of the situation with Jenny Humphrey. She had warned the girl if she wanted to keep playing the game she was on her own.

Chuck pulled Blair into his arms and kissed the top of her head.

Blair's phone buzzed softly again. She reached to read the new message.

"Late lunch with Serena and Nate?" Blair asked Chuck before typing her reply.

"If you're there, then I'm there."

Blair smiled happily as she snuggled into Chuck's arms and then looked down at her bracelet. The tennis bracelet had twisted and on the gold there appeared to be an inscription.

_Chuck Loves Blair_

"What!?" Blair said as she looked from the bracelet to Chuck and then back to the bracelet.

"How?!" She demanded looking back at him.

Chuck smirked at the expression on her face.

"I'm Chuck Bass."

"But how? They couldn't possibly have engraved this while I was there."

"Of course not." Chuck replied enjoying her reaction.

"So you do?" Blair asked smiling at him.

"I do. I…I love you, Blair." Chuck said as he reached for her wrist to leave a kiss on her pulse point.

"And how did you do it?" Blair demanded again. " And don't say because you are Chuck Bass."

Chuck looked into her eyes and knew that he couldn't deny her.

"I picked out the bracelet after our disastrous breakfast, but they needed time to have it engraved."

"But, how did you know I would pick this bracelet."

"Please, Waldorf, I am an expert when it comes to you." Chuck said with cockiness only Chuck Bass could muster.

Blair was about to ambush him with more questions, but Chuck's lips silenced her before the words could escape. As he moved back against the leather he left a stunned Blair.

"C'mon beautiful- our friends are waiting." Chuck said snapping Blair of her after kiss bliss.

Blair looked out the window to see Serena, Dan and Nate waiting outside the restaurant. She smiled as Chuck slipped his hand into hers and opened the door. Her friends smiled in greeting.

Every thing was perfect again.

**Gossip Girl: Even when Queen B doesn't try she gets back to the top. Watch out for this fab five, there is no tearing S, D, N and most importantly B and C apart. Some girls just have it all. You know you love me XOXO!**

**--**

A/n

So this is the end! I've been going back and forth with the ending for a while, but I am leaving it like this. I know it is chessy, but it is the end we need some fluff. Oh any the Jenny/ Elise thing actually came from the books I couldn't come up with a good situation so I used the idea from the book. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the story!

I want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed! You are the ones who motivated me to write, so this is for all of you! You all have had such great and encouraging things to say! You all are wonderful!


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